COME ON, AMERICA. TAKE WHAT YOU CAN GET

We Americans have a strange way of rationalizing our habit of wanting more. It’s why our credit card balances are often equal to the GDPs of some small European countries and our collective ability to think in terms of the future often doesn’t extend beyond the doughnut. 

“I’ll take care of it later.” 

            And later.

            Until…

            Well, you know.

            We want more leisure time.  More money. More things. More comfort. More ease. That’s why, when an American says something along the lines of, “When this is over, I will never fail to appreciate (family/good health/what I have/cold beer) again,” the rest of the world shakes its head. Yes, U.S. citizen, you are going to fail in that humble pursuit, because you want more.

            Back in March, when the world of sports closed its doors like an angry homeowner driving away a solicitor, we mourned the lack of programming. We craved competition. We wanted to talk sports. Watch sports. Gamble on sports. And we let everyone know that it didn’t matter what format sports took when they returned, we were going to be delighted and even satisfied. Fans or no fans. Shortened seasons. Odd playoff formats. The espn NBA pre-game show. The Mets. We didn’t care. Just give us the goods.

            Well, here we are, on the precipice of sports’ – and golf’s – return, and we are already bemoaning some of the compromises we will have to make in order to enjoy professional (we’ll get to the colleges at a later date) athletics. Turns out those involved in the fun and games are a bit confused about the whole thing, too. 

            The strange part of it is that we should be welcoming back sports in any format we can get them. If you have been forced to go without beer for a few months, and someone offers you a Natty Light, are you going to turn it down and wait for a delicious Toadstool IPA, with hints of toe jam, cauliflower and mulch? Let’s hope not. Grab the Natty and be happy about it. 

            But that’s not how we roll in the old USA. We want what we want, when we want it. Right now, that’s no way to be. So, if the NBA proposes a playoff format that combines the group stage of the World Cup, the NCAA Tournament and Family Feud, don’t complain. Enjoy the basketball and try to figure out how the league and its propaganda partners are going to help Zion Williamson get as far as possible in the competition. If the NHL is going to exclude seven teams – especially the execrable Dead Things – from its revival, so be it. Was anybody really hankering to watch an Ottawa-San Jose showdown in an empty arena, in July? Come to think of it, would anybody want to see that in February in front of a packed house? 

            These are the strangest times for sports anybody has ever encountered. Baseball players won’t be allowed to spit. NBA stars may have to make their trash-talk G-rated, the better to prevent profane slurs about opponents’ families from being caught by microphones in silent arenas. And if two hockey players drop the gloves without a bloodthirsty crowd cheering them on, will they still throw down, or will they merely consent to mediation to settle their differences? 

            It’s going to be a long time before everything looks normal again. Packed houses are way off in the future. But there will be some real competition involving the best players in the world soon, and there had better not be any whining about formats or social distancing in dugouts or quarantining those who test positive for coronavirus. It’s time to take what we can get. El Hombre knows that’s not easy for us, because we are supposed to get whatever we want, and for those with Amazon Prime, get it in two days or less. All of that will return. It just isn’t coming back this summer. Or this fall, for that matter. It may not even occur in the winter. But just as life returned to normal after the 1918 Spanish Flu pandemic, which preceded the Roaring Twenties and sports’ first Golden Age, we will once again have the opportunity to pay too much for tickets, spend $14 bucks on a 12-ounce beer, high-five the people seated around us and go to the bathroom at games whenever we want. 

            Those watching at home will get the same made-for-TV spectacles they are used to seeing. Eventually. For now, we are going to have to adopt a word that has disappeared from our vernacular and certainly from our behavior: compromise. We must take what is given to us and like it. And the first one who complains will be forced to watch an unending stream of Marlins games, in the type of setup the Minister of Interior used to disabuse Alex DeLarge of his ultraviolence predilection. Sports are coming back, probably in a format that isn’t perfect or that you do not like. Enjoy them as they are, even if that feels positively un-American.

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            EL HOMBRE SEZ: Anybody who thought the sanitized version of Michael Jordan’s response to the idea of Isiah Thomas’ playing on the 1992 Olympic “Dream Team” was true should contact El Hombre about purchasing the large tract of land he owns on Mercury. Jordan didn’t want Thomas on the team, and the recent airing of Jack McCallum’s 2011 recording of Jordan’s comments saying he wouldn’t play if Thomas was chosen proves it. It’s just another reason why people should consider “The Last Dance” a fine piece of entertainment but hardly a reliable bit of historical matter…As dozens of players continue to flood the transfer portal, the NC2A is allowing players to make money off their names, images and likenesses, and prep players are heading to the G League for a season of exhibition games before moving on to the NBA, a prominent D-I coach warns of “unintended consequences” from the increased opportunities for players. Such as? How about locker room discontent over which players get the nicest cars or biggest appearance fees from local merchants? Or a lack of development for those G-Leaguers, who won’t play in a game that really matters all year? It’s great that players have more rights, but it’s going to take some time to make sure this all works well…There is talk that 53-year old Mike Tyson, whose recent social media posts show him looking fit and powerful, could fight Evander Holyfield, 57, with proceeds going to charity. It would be the boxers’ third meeting in the ring and is definitely something Tyson considers, ahem, appetizing…Next month, UConn will cut multiple sports from its athletic department, due to significant financial losses, and it will blame the coronavirus for the move. The real culprit is a rotten football program that has gone 6-30 the past three seasons and has been hemorrhaging money for most of the decade. The Huskies have a diminutive fan base, little-to-no tradition and a recruiting base that hardly produces a collection of five-star recruits. (Or four-stars. Or…) Still, the school has kept up the charade of a running an FBS program, and now it must cut other sports to support a huge budget chasm for a program that will never be any good. What a joke.

* * *

            YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? The releases of Todd Zolecki’s new book and John Barr’s documentary about late Phillies pitcher Roy Halladay devote considerable attention to his addiction, depression and physical pain, painting compelling portraits of the star’s struggles. It isn’t difficult to see how all of those circumstances contributed to his tragic death, and it’s highly unlikely Philadelphia fans will look on his life with anything other than compassion. Let’s hope these glimpses of Halladay’s experiences help others understand that monsters like addiction and depression afflict many other people and that their impacts manifest themselves in many different ways, some of which are disruptive and potentially harmful to others. Halladay will be viewed sentimentally because of his significant contributions to the Philly sports scene, but it’s important that fans provide the same concern and understanding for other athletes (and everybody else fighting with these powerful foes) when they encounter setbacks due to their vulnerabilities in these situations. Halladay’s time with the Phillies was outstanding, and he was the consummate ace, whose work ethic and tenacity endeared him to local fans. The revelations about his battles with addiction and depression should help us develop empathy for others in the same situations.

* * *

            AND ANOTHER THING: Sunday’s golf match between the Eldrick Woods and Phil Mickelson-led teams was pretty darn entertaining, especially when Dreamy Tom split his pants holing a wedge shot on the seventh. The competition was fun, and so was the banter between the players and commentators, particularly – of course – Charles Barkley. In regard to Brady, it has been amusing to see how tightly the media holds onto aging stars. As the new Tampa Bay QB cavorts around the Gulf Coast, entering houses by mistake and holding unsanctioned workouts, the praise for him is unrelenting. It’s nearly impossible to find a voice questioning the Buccaneers’ decision to sign him, and people are throwing down some Real Money on the Bucs to win the Super Bowl. That’s borderline insane. Not only does the team still have issues along the offensive line, its secondary remains shaky. And then there is Brady, who completed a pedestrian 60.8 percent of his throws last year, which was ahead of only five other full-time starters, and posted a QB rating of 88.0. That tied him with Indy’s Jacoby Brissett, who lost his job during the off-season to Philip Rivers, whose 88.5 rating in ’19 wasn’t spectacular, either. Brady will turn 43 in August and is clearly not the QB he was even two years ago. Tampa Bay fans should be happy the team has upgraded from Jameis Winsterception, but it would be nice if the media showed a bit of objectivity in assessing Brady’s 2020 prospects. 

                                                                   -EH-

THE OLD COLLEGE TRY

When it comes to the top inventions of all time – beer, rock-n-roll music, yoga pants – there is nothing that beats college football. Okay, so El Hombre understands the world’s greatest sport wasn’t technically invented in some lab and that it evolved over time from a bunch of guys in silly caps turning soccer into something worth watching and eventually into a true phenomenon. But when it comes to the perfect amalgamation of sport, color, pageantry and pure wonder, nothing touches college football. Not even bacon. 

            So, the idea of a fall without a full slate of college games is almost horrifying. As we approach the point in the year when true fans begin counting the days until the season opener and are watching rebroadcasts of games from the previous season – even those involving MAC teams – there is the real possibility that the 2020 campaign will be far different than any in history – if it happens at all.

            As states move to “re-open” during the coronavirus pandemic, some gradually and others less carefully, there is considerable discussion and debate about what will be happening on college campuses beginning in August. The recent evacuation of schools and the ensuing “remote learning” model produced varied results. Many kids spent more time on their phones than actually paying attention to the professor, and some classes were victims of pranks that included the screen sharing of porn. That got extra credit in a course at Arizona State. But the one thing that was universal was the end of most, if not all, non-academic activities, including athletics, and most notably the NCAA Tournament. There was just too much danger to all involved to keep playing basketball – along with spring sports like baseball, lacrosse, softball and tennis. So, the seasons ended. Make no mistake: This was extremely difficult for the athletes, who watched months of preparation evaporate in a COVID-19 cloud. 

            The cancellation of March Madness meant significant financial hardship for a lot of athletic departments and the NC2A, but the elimination of an entire college football season could have a crippling financial impact that leads to program cuts and the elimination of sports at some schools all together. Most schools do not have rainy-day funds for their athletic departments. Instead, they chose to make sure their Xanadu-like football buildings had barbershops and beach volleyball courts. As a result, schools are already chopping programs, blaming the lack of activity for the actions, instead of using the usual excuse that women’s sports precipitated the decision. It’s always amusing to see a school like Central Michigan, which had $25.2 million of its $33.6 million athletic budget provided by the institution – an indication that it was losing big money on just about everything, especially football – axe indoor and outdoor track and field in order to keep alive a football team that attracts paltry crowds, which are aided by huge outlays of free tickets. So, there are some serious things to consider when making the decision to hold a season.

            A series of protocols is already being instituted on some campuses. Locker rooms could be coated in germ-fighting particles from a fogging machine. Players will be required to follow strict behavioral procedures from the moment they enter the football building until the time they leave – and then will be strongly encouraged to engage in exemplary social distancing practices the rest of the day.

            And that doesn’t even begin to cover what needs to happen on the field in order to keep players (and coaches, student managers, trainers and staff) safe while still preparing a team to play games.

            Let’s begin with the most difficult part of all this: getting 18-to-22-year olds to follow the rules all the time. El Hombre may be getting older (shaddup!) but he remembers his days back at Oxford, and he didn’t always do what he was supposed to. And as he spends time educating and advising today’s college students, he is learning that not much has changed. No matter how socially conscious they may be, they aren’t about to become strict adherents to the regulations. If they can get away with something, they will. So, imagining that a group of college kids is going to stay away from weekend ragers at the notorious apartment complex or frat house and not engage in a little up-close, hand-to-gland combat with a fellow student at the end of the night is naïve. 

            Because of that, it is vital that colleges put the health of their students foremost when it comes to athletics, as well as the decision to open campuses in the first place. Students are simply not going to do what they are told all the time when no one is looking. It’s one thing for a young person to contract the coronavirus and another for one to die from it. That would be a tragedy – as well as a liability nightmare. (An aside: University general counsels are already working on complicated waivers to limit their exposure.) Since we know from the medical experts that an infected person can spread the virus to many others, including older, more vulnerable folks who are more susceptible to developing more serious symptoms, there are even greater concerns than the student body. 

            The upshot? No matter how well the plans go – on and off the fields – an outbreak on campus or around it could send the whole thing into the hopper and force the entire community back into their homes and onto the computers again. Perhaps it’s good that pro sports are trying to get rolling again. They can provide the laboratories necessary to find out what works and what doesn’t. It’s not quite as unseemly when someone getting paid millions gets sick, versus a 19-year old backup offensive tackle – although it’s not good in any circumstance.

            Whatever happens, this is a risky experiment. Schools will take precautions. Coaches and medical staff will preach proper behavior. There will be screening and tracking and testing. And Saturday night at the Manor Hall Apartments, a tray full of Jell-O shots could undo it all. 

* * *

            EL HOMBRE SEZ: There has been a decided lack of action at NFL team complexes, thanks to the suspension of OTAs and mini-camps, but plenty is going on off the field, as the recent spate of player arrests proves. First, Chiefs cornerback Bashaud Breeland was arrested in late April for drug possession and other alleged crimes. Then, DeAndre Baker and Quinton Dunbar were nabbed for allegedly robbing fellow partygoers at gunpoint. A couple days later, Cody Latimer was charged with assault and illegal discharge of a firearm. Saturday night Ed Oliver was picked up on suspicion of DUI and unlawfully carrying a weapon. With nothing to do, players are finding new “outlets” for their energies, not the best news for the NFL, which might have to bring everybody back to team facilities, just to make sure it can fill out its rosters this season…Rubenesque pitcher Bartolo Colon has said he wants to spend one more season in the big leagues. If the 47-year old Colon, who last pitched with Texas in 2018, can’t find a spot on an MLB roster, he will return to his current job as a barbecue inspector…There is big news from the world of cutthroat college cheerleading. Powerhouse Kentucky, which has won 24 of the last 35 national titles, has fired its coaching staff and advisors after reports of hazing and drunken parties with public nudity surfaced. In a quickly released statement, new Iona coach and one-time Kentucky boss Rick Pitino denied any responsibility in the matter…Vegas oddsmakers are likely to give the Tampa Bay Rays plenty of love, if baseball returns in early July without fans. The Rays have been playing in that environment at home for several years and should have a huge advantage against teams who play at home in front of more enthusiastic crowds…The left-turn contingent returned to Darlington Sunday and posted some big ratings – a 38 percent increase from NASCAR’s last race, on March 8. The action was scintillating, and Kevin Harvickzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…El Hombre has to admit it was strange watching the golfing matchup Sunday and hearing no one cheering when the players made good shots. It will be even odder if there is no cheering at baseball or basketball games. Some may not like the idea of piped-in crowd noise, but it will definitely add to the experience of watching on TV. And for those of you who blanch at the idea, just watch espn when it shows highlights of a game in which someone on the visiting team does something well, and the crowd “roars.” You’ll find you are quite used to piped-in sound during sporting events…Former Chicago Bulls forward Horace Grant is a little miffed about his portrayal in the Michael Jordan mockumentary “The Last Dance.” How miffed? During a recent radio interview, Grant called Jordan a “snitch.” In a different radio appearance, Grant said he would have “beat [Jordan’s] ass” if he had tried to take food away from Grant on a flight after a game in which Grant hadn’t played particularly well. Looks like MJ is still making pals almost two decades after his retirement from the NBA…A lawsuit filed by an unnamed NFL player accuses United Airlines of not adequately protecting him from unwanted sexual advances and touching by a woman seated in his row during a flight. The player alleges he complained about the woman’s behavior toward him and a friend three times before he was compelled to jump into the aisle and let the entire plane know the woman had grabbed his genitals. The woman was finally moved from his row, and United has already held meetings to determine whether it should change its slogan from “Fly the Friendly Skies” to “You can look, but you better not touch.” 

* * *

            AND ANOTHER THING: Let’s all take a moment to applaud the NFL’s new initiative to spur the hiring of more African-American head coaches and GMs. One of the proposed components of the plan would have rewarded teams that bring aboard black coaches or general managers with a jump of 10 draft spots – in the third round. Wow! Now that’s some serious impetus. Rumor has it the league also considered giving teams one extra timeout – a season – if they diversify. None of that made the final version. The end result of it all was a strengthening of the Rooney Rule, which has been well-intentioned but largely ceremonial since its 2003 creation. Teams that don’t interview two external candidates for the top coaching job and one for the lead personnel position will have the penalty increased from “a stern talking to” to “no dessert for a week.” That will show them. There are some positive initiatives, such as intern programs and training opportunities. But in a league in which 70% of the players are African-American, that isn’t enough, especially when there are only two people of color among the majority owners of NFL teams – one Asian-American, one Pakistani-American – and only three African-American coaches on NFL sidelines. (A fourth minority, Ron Rivera, leads the Washington NFL franchise.) The only way for these numbers to increase is for the league to put into place a concrete rule that has real penalties. For instance, each franchise has 15 years to hire either an African-American head coach or GM. Those who don’t will lose their first-round draft picks for five years. That ought to solve the problem pretty quickly. By hiring more African-American coordinators, assistant GMs and heads of scouting, teams can develop pipelines that produce highly-qualified, experienced candidates who are ready to step in. It will take a real concerted effort and not the lightweight “commitment” the league has shown to this point. Get to work, people. 

* * *

            YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? It’s amusing to hear fans and media speculating that the time off due to the coronavirus epidemic will actually help the Sixers, if the NBA begins playing again. Topping the list of hypotheticals is the assumption that center Joel Embiid will be in excellent physical condition once everybody heads back out onto the hardwood. That has been the most elusive part of his game. Expecting Embiid to have worked out diligently on his own during the league shutdown is a bit foolish. And while the time off no doubt helped guard Ben Simmons’ injured back heal, the fact remains that the Sixers are an imperfect squad with a weak bench and an inability to win on the road. A few months off won’t change that. 

-EH-

DON'T TRUST THE BILLIONAIRES

           When Satan slithered into the Garden of Eden and told Eve the edict against eating fruit from the Tree of Knowledge was fake news, he used a satiny sales pitch designed to create mayhem and consign mankind to thousands of years of sin and abominations like the designated hitter. Old Lucifer was pretty smooth, and he closed the deal by promising Eve that she and Adam would be equals of God if they partook of that outlawed item. When Eve arrived back at the cave, she probably said, “What a nice serpent.” 

            Since then, we humans have been particularly susceptible to the slick come-ons of salespeople, whose job it is to make us buy something that we don’t need, don’t want or can’t afford. Even after we have parted with our hard-earned cash, we still don’t recognize that the person pushing the product upon us is not our friend or confidant. And we recognize less that the company providing the unnecessary item has absolutely no interest in anything other than its P&L statement. 

            Hey, this is America. And capitalism reigns. You want something different? Try Portugal, where the Socialist Party has ruled for several years, and which finished 66^th in the 2019 World Happiness Report (really!), behind Kazakhstan and Uzbekistan, among other garden spots. So, don’t misread this as a call for revolution. El Hombre likes money. Likes new things. And he loves college football, which you sure as heck can’t find where the descendants of Karl Marx hang out. 

            But let’s be careful not to fall for the polished public personae of the uber rich, whose fortunes – if they made them on their own – have come from the ability to convince people to fork it over. Again: Yay, capitalism! They are entitled to their billions, but we as consumers, and in the case of Major League Baseball, as fans, should not take up their causes for them. Someone with one dollar wants two. Someone with $1 billion wants another billion. And someone with a baseball team wants to charge you 20 bucks for a domestic beer. 

            All of which brings us to the ongoing negotiations between players and owners regarding the potential re-starting of the MLB season. Public opinion has already started to move against the Union, which has the nerve to call the proposal to split revenues 50-50 unacceptable and to accuse the Rockefellers of trying to back-door a salary cap at a time when revenues are uncertain and it’s unlikely fans will be back in stadiums this year. 

            Let’s not forget that any return to action will require a heretofore unseen level of testing, tracking and proper behavior to make sure everyone involved is safe. Remember that the amount of testing materials needed is well beyond the available quantities. Couple that with a climate throughout the country in which uncertainty is the only certainty, and you have a gigantic problem to solve before even thinking about how to split up whatever money comes out of this.

            Suppose everyone involved is satisfied that a cry of “Play Ball!” will not be accompanied by a rash of positive tests – hardly a guarantee. Then, it’s time to talk about money. And, as usual, the owners are trying to make fans sympathize with them by painting the players as greedy and out to harm the country by depriving it of a much-needed diversion during this difficult time. What really is happening is that by trying to push the 50-50 split in revenues, the owners are hoping to establish a new rubric for future negotiations, which they hope will result in a salary cap. Should the players agree to this, owners will absolutely try to push for something similar next year, when gate receipts will no doubt be down, thanks to fans’ trepidations about returning to ballparks. It’s not like they will return to the days of the Reserve Clause, when teams controlled the players for the durations of their careers, but don’t think for a second that they won’t take any opportunity they can to control labor costs. And, boy, would they love to have that Reserve Clause back again.

            Now, it’s not easy for fans to feel sympathy for big-league players, especially those making gigantic salaries. Trust El Hombre: Bryce Harper isn’t worrying about how he’s going to pay the mortgage. The median 2019 MLB salary (the point where an equal number of players earn above and below it) was $1.4 million, hardly a subsistence wage. But while the players are making a lot, the owners are making more, no matter how skillfully they manipulate their books to make it seem like they are headed for skid row. The hidden money here is in the franchise values, which continue to climb. Only two teams – Pittsburgh and Miami – lost value in 2019, according to Forbes. All 30 teams are worth at least $1 billion, while 10 years ago, only two were. Forbes has been charting the teams’ worth for 22 years, and the average team has seen an 11% increase each year. Come 2022, when the new, $5.1 billion deal with Fox kicks in, that number should swell even more. Still feel bad for the big-wallet group? 

            In these situations, it helps to remember El Hombre’s Law:

            In battles between millionaires and billionaires, always root for the millionaires.

            We all want sports back. We all want to make our lives as normal as possible. How great would it be to care about managers’ decisions – although with the universal DH, there will be far fewer of those, but that’s a topic for another time – playoff races (let everybody in!) and the vagaries of the shift? But there is some work to do for us to reach the point where someone can throw out a first pitch via Zoom. And as that work is completed, please resist the urge to demonize the players and remember that every smiling owner is hoping you’ll buy his smooth pitch – and a seven-dollar hot dog. 

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            EL HOMBRE SEZ: El Hombre is starved for sports, but even he can’t watch NASCAR, Korean professional baseball or UFC bloodlettings. And isn’t it time for networks to stop marketing 2017 games between mediocre opponents as “classics”? Now on NFL Network: Detroit vs. Arizona in a 2018 showdown for the fifth pick in the Draft! Please. Would it be so hard to replay some games from the ‘70s? Now, those are classics. Everything else is just marketing…The Aquavit-and-double-anchovy-pizza-fueled nightmare of the last two years of Monday Night Football is finally over. espn decided to remove Joe Tessitore and Booger McFarland from the booth and release the hostages, er, viewers from captivity. Tessitore specialized in making a two-yard, first-quarter run off left tackle on second-and-eight sound like V-E Day, and McFarland was the master of banal “analysis.” Any replacement team will be an upgrade…If you haven’t been tuning in to “The Last Dance” on espn, you are missing some quality TV. But don’t be fooled into thinking this is a true documentary. It’s a docudrama produced in conjunction with Michael Jordan designed to paint him as the most competitive person in history and burnish his claim to being the Best Ever. (By the way, anybody who uses “G.O.A.T.” or “The GOAT” ought to lose his or her fan or media card. It’s over. Played out. Stop it.) Enjoy the production, the old footage, Jordan’s majesty, the rare glimpses of how a team works and the bold-print quotations, but remember that it’s a carefully-crafted production and not an unvarnished look at Jordan and the Bulls. (By the way, he was the best ever.)…The Rams finally unveiled their new uniforms, and they are not very good. LA will look like some nondescript college team and will play in off-white road unis the color of a college kid’s undershirts after his first semester. They are way worse than those of their future co-tenants, the Chargers, who absolutely killed it with their ginned-up retro designs…If the NBA re-starts, try to imagine the excitement that will come when league bottom-feeders like the Knicks and Cavs square off. In that case, it will be good that no fans have to cough up any ticket money. If the league does come back, its biggest question won’t be what to do about the playoffs but how to make sure fans don’t hear the curses spewed by angry coaches or the trash talk from players in an empty arena. Maybe the league can offer a “premium” package that allows fans full access to the profanity. If that happens, El Hombre is in!

* * *

            AND ANOTHER THING:  Wait. You mean sainted Durham CC head coach Mike Krzyzewski might have fractured a couple rules when he was accumulating class after class of mercenary players over the past several seasons? You mean those five-star recruits weren’t merely attracted to the outstanding educational opportunities and classic Gothic and Georgian architecture on campus? The Dookie apologists have fed us fairy tales that even though just about everybody else in college basketball was offering cash and prizes to get the best of the best, that could never happen in the Blue Devil program, which we have been told is cleaner than a vat of hand sanitizer. But someone might just be tossing some bacteria onto that pristine reputation. Zion Williamson is being sued by his former marketing manager. You remember him, right? He spent about nine months on campus, soaking up all Duke had to offer. And if you believe the former manager, it offered a lot. A bag of cash. A nice house for the parents. The NBA’s New Hope might have to answer some questions – under oath – about whether he was a “professional” when he played for the Blue Devils. Krzyzewski might be deposed, too. Wouldn’t that be wonderful? Of course, it’s most likely just a dream. Someone will broker a settlement before anybody sits in front of an inquisitive lawyer. And then Duke can go back to getting the players nobody else can by not doing what everybody else is. 

* * *

            YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? On the surface, the Eagles’ draft made sense. The team needed more speed, so it drafted a bunch of fast guys. Last year’s Super Bowl teams were the two fastest in the NFL, so the philosophy is sound. But there is track fast and football fast. Those are two different things. Bob Hayes had both. So did Willie Gault. But it’s unlikely the 2016 400-meter relay Olympic gold medal team was packed with guys who could get away from press coverage. This year’s draft produced maybe one player – first-round receiver Jalen Reagor – who could end up starting this year, and that’s just because the Birds’ receiving corps is a disaster. Would that make the draft a success? Not quite. As for Jalen Hurts, the question isn’t whether his joining the team will offend oft-injured Carson Wentz. It’s whether Hurts can play quarterback in the NFL. He wasn’t ever considered a first-round talent, so it makes sense that he is best suited as a good backup on a good team. Since GM Howie Roseman was so determined to draft a bunch of developmental players, he probably wouldn’t have chosen a starter in the second round anyway. That makes the Hurts choice relatively reasonable. It’s obvious Roseman thinks the current roster is good enough to contend. That’s extremely questionable and should be the basis for assessing his job performance in 2020.

* * *

            ONE FOR THE ROAD: Rick Pitino has moved into his office in New Rochelle, NY, to take over the program at Iona, which must be run by people who can’t read. Pitino has been twisting NCAA recruiting rules into disfigured heaps since he was helping players get used cars back in ’77 at Hawaii. He left Louisville a couple years back after his “assistants” were staging stripper parties for recruits and shoe company “representatives” were promising six-figure payments to prospects. All without Ricky P’s knowledge. Right. El Hombre sat across from Pitino once and heard him negotiate the price of a used car for a family member. He took 25 minutes. Wanted to make sure every detail was handled. All for a $10,000 automobile. Yet, he didn’t pay enough attention to his program to know about the malfeasance. Please. Iona has sold its institutional virtue in return for some basketball wins. Meanwhile, Louisville is sweating out an NC2A letter of allegations regarding the violations committed while Pitino is in charge. On the surface, it appears unfair that those left behind get hammered for the misdeeds of those already gone, but remember that the Louisville president and board approved Pitino’s hiring. They knew what he was about. And they approved it anyway. (Side note: Pitino should be banned from coaching for two lifetimes, just in case he converts to Hinduism and gets another go-round.) Sure, the school fired Pitino, his assistants, the AD and anybody else it could, in an attempt to ward off any NC2A penalties. But it also hired Pitino in the first place. And that wasn’t too smart. 

                                                                 -EH-