IT'S EL HOMBRE'S NFL PLAYOFF EXTRAVAGANZA

         Anybody who thought the NFL would allow something like a global pandemic interfere with its ability to stage 256 regular-season TV programs and a subsequent playoff ratings bonanza doesn’t know a thing about how the folks at 345 Park Avenue think. Back before the season started, El Hombre said that the league would gladly bulldoze the fallen bodies off the fields in order to keep the cameras rolling, and though it never quite came to that, the weekly count of infected players, coaches, mascots and other team personnel and the subsequent facility closings showed that getting to this point in the 2020 season required quite a combination of medical high-wire acrobatics and a willing suspension of disbelief.

            On the road to the expanded post-season, we learned that the Jets can’t tank properly and the Jags can. We learned that maybe Dreamy Tom was a little more important to New England than Captain Hoodie wanted to admit. We learned that dumpster fires laughed at the NFC East, and we found out that Mitch Trubisky might actually be a fully functioning NFL quarterback. Might be.

            Now that the Eagles have closed out the season with a coaching decision that came straight out of the Ringling Brothers playbook (more on that later), it’s time to go about the business of choosing a champion, provided the 14 remaining teams can stay clear enough of the virus to stage a four-week tournament. That said, here’s how the first weekend is going to play out.

            Indianapolis at Buffalo (-6.5): The whole mess kicks off with the first home playoff game for the Bills since Golden Wheels Dubenion was playing, or something like that. The good news is that no folding tables will be sacrificed in preparation for the big game. The better news, at least for the home team, is that Buffalo has matured from an upstart with a precocious but unreliable QB into a contender with an attitude as nasty as a northwestern New York winter and a budding MVP candidate under center. Coach Sean McDermott is a defensive guy by training, but he understands that Josh Allen needs room to fire his rocket launcher arm. The Bills can stuff you and bomb you. That’s a good combination, and while the rugged Indy defense and Philip Rivers’ odd delivery angle have brought the Colts to this point, the fun ends during Saturday’s early window. Buffalo 23, Indianapolis 14

            Los Angeles Rams at Seattle (-4): Ah, January in Seattle. There’s nothing like it, particularly if you like 40 degree temperatures and rain that cuts through the skin like a stiletto. Usually, there are about 65,000 rabid cohoheads adding to the atmosphere, but thanks to the pandemic, the Rams will just have to deal with Russell Wilson and crew. Seattle has won 10 straight home post-season games, dating back to 2005, and it’s unlikely that streak will end Saturday, especially since LA quarterback Jared Goff’s thumb could well keep him from playing at a high level. Backup John Wolford wasn’t awful last week against the Cardinals, but the Ram offense didn’t score a TD with him at the helm, and it’s hard to imagine LA doing much of anything in this one, no matter how brilliant coach Sean McVay might be. Seattle 20, Los Angeles 12

            Tampa Bay (-8) at Washington: The D.C. crowd is no doubt still giddy over its thrilling division-clinching victory over the rotting corpse of the once-proud Eagles, and it gets as a reward a date with Dreamy Tom and the Bucs, who look a lot sharper than those hats Tampa Bay coach Bruce Arians favors. To make things interesting, Washington rookie defensive end Chase Young has promised an ugly welcome for the legendary QB, which means he might slip 

some real sugar into his avocado “ice cream” at the pre-game meal. Wouldn’t it be great if the “best” team in the worst division in football history made the Buccaneers walk the plank? You bet. It would also be great if hot dogs fulfilled our daily vitamin needs. Tampa Bay 33, Washington 16

            Baltimore (-3) at Tennessee: Lamar Jackson has to win a game that matters eventually, right? Right? So far, the Ravens’ playoff success with Jackson hasn’t come close to matching its regular-season prosperity. Two years ago, the Chargers flummoxed him with a defense that included something like 11 defensive backs. Last year, the Titans picked him off two times in a 28-12 victory that made Jackson look overmatched. So, third time and all that. Nope. The Titans are a dynamic team that thrives on the no-prisoners running of Derrick Henry, who has led the league in rushing two straight years and runs with the subtlety of a cyclone. Expect Henry to soften up the Raven front seven and then the underrated Ryan Tannehill to make Baltimore pay up top. Maybe next year, Lamar. Tennessee 24, Baltimore 20

            Chicago at New Orleans (-10): It’s amusing to watch Bears fans try to convince themselves that Mitchell Trubisky is a quarterback worthy of their love. Destined forever to be the NFL’s Sam Bowie (look it up), Trubisky has showed relative competence in helping his squad grab a wild-card spot, even if that status comes courtesy of the league’s desire to swell its post-season bottom line by giving an 8-8 team entrée into the playoffs. Last week, Green Bay’s Aaron Rodgers carved up the Chicago defense with four TDs, and now its Drew Brees’ turn. The Saints may not have stormed into the post-season (3-2 in their last five), but they are getting healthy. Sure, New Orleans has had some brutal playoff luck in recent years, but its fortunes have changed this year, because the Bears are the Saints’ first-round opponent. Just to make this matchup more crazy, consider that it will be aired on Nickelodeon. SpongeBob Footballpants? Whatever. New Orleans 27, Chicago 20

            Cleveland at Pittsburgh (-6): This one looked as compelling and entertaining as could be – why else would NBC want it for SNF – until word came down that Cleveland head coach Kevin Stefanski would be out due to COVID-19 concerns. No word on if there will be player casualties, too. And Tuesday, a pair of Brownies was cited for drag racing – at 9:30 a.m. Wise. Now it looks like this battle between historic rivals will be a Steeler rout. Not so fast. Pittsburgh staggers into the playoffs on a 1-4 slide that includes last week’s rest-and-relax loss to the Browns. The Steeler offense isn’t nearly as potent as it once was, and the defense hasn’t been overpowering, either. The win over Indy two weeks ago was impressive. Was it a turning point? This week, yes. Next week? Not so much. Pittsburgh 24, Cleveland 14

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            EL HOMBRE SEZ: Kudos to the National Hockey League for selling sponsorship rights to the names of its divisions. If pro sports are to realize their potential as cynical profiteering enterprises, this kind of creative thinking is necessary. The only problem is that the league should have made the sponsors more sport-appropriate. Instead of choosing a bank, automaker, credit card company and insurance giant, the NHL should have gone with a dentist, orthopedic surgeon, neurologist and beer company…In other hockey news, the U.S. dumped Canada, 2-0, to win the world junior title. Great. Now the Land of Labatt and Back Bacon will keep Americans out of the country for another year…The NBA world is waiting anxiously to find out which team wants to torpedo its culture and championship chances by acquiring serial ball hog James Harden. Here’s hoping Brooklyn is silly enough to team the Bearded Gunner with Kevin Durant and grouchy Kyrie Irving. That would be a lot of fun – for the other 29 teams…The college basketball season is continuing along in stops and starts, with some teams’ having played as many as 13 games and others’ hitting the court on two or three occasions. The single-site NCAA Tournament could have 48 teams or 80 participants. Nobody knows. Meanwhile, programs caught in the NC2A’s snare have tried to mitigate the penalties coming by announcing self-imposed one-year tourney bans. What’s next, no vegetables for a week? Let’s hope the NC2A has the courage to smack these big-time cheaters with some serious penalties. Meanwhile, 3-6 Kentucky seems intent on a more organic kind of tourney ban, one that involves playing some really shaky basketball.

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            YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? Spare us your outrage at Eagles coach Doug Pederson’s decision to play Nate Sudfeld during the fourth quarter of the Birds’ season-ending loss to the Washington NFL Franchise. That means you, Giants coach Joe Judge. Philadelphia owed you nothing. Your team won six games and didn’t deserve to be in the playoffs. Like all coaches, Judge no doubt preaches accountability and demands it from his players. Well, take some, coach, for your lousy 6-10 record. Those who decried the Eagles’ disrespecting all the hard work that led to the NFL’s completing the 256-game regular season should direct their ire at NBC and the league for putting such a weak game on in prime time. The Eagles had nothing to play for, so expecting them to care about whether Washington or the Giants won the NFC Least was naïve. Finally, Pederson’s tanking effort was ham-handed indeed, especially since he is coaching in a city where Sham Hinkie raised the concept to a level the Medicis would have appreciated. Pederson should have announced before the game that Sudfeld, the third-string QB who before the game had thrown 25 career passes, was going to play. It doesn’t matter. Keep in mind that the difference between a sixth and a ninth pick in the NFL Draft is pretty big, as judged by what teams had to do last year to move up a few spots. Rather than surrender a draft pick or two, the Eagles decided to use a different method: playing a lousy QB. Oh, and by the way, Jalen Hurts wasn’t exactly tearing it up when he was taken out. The NFL is a business, and the Eagles made a business decision. Tough darts for everybody else. 

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            AND ANOTHER THING: The College Football Invitational is set to conclude Monday night, COVID-permitting, with Alabama and Ohio State’s squaring off in Miami. It’s the final chapter in a grueling, three-game process to determine the number one team, and it has clearly transfixed the nation, or at least espn, which is gearing up for a multi-day hyperventilation. In a year when the NFL added a playoff team, MLB went to eight participants per league, and college hoops could have as many as 80 tourney invitees, college football stood pat and thereby infuriated fans of several schools, proved that it is not interested in including any team that isn’t a big name brand and lost even more credibility. So, in an attempt to save America’s greatest sport, El Hombre is offering a collection of solutions designed to eliminate the rancor and focus people’s attention on the color, pageantry and majesty of the college game. FIRST: Appoint a commissioner. This will not be anyone with ties to a TV network. It will be a former coach or athletic director who cares about the game, not the money or the media deals. He will have power to rule on important issues like scheduling, rules and mascots. SECOND: Expand the CFP field to eight teams. Each conference winner gets an automatic bid. The best team among the Group of Five conferences gets a spot. And there are two at-large berths. THIRD: The number of scholarships drops by seven per school, the better to create more parity at the top, within conferences and among the non-Power Five schools. Yes, it will take away some free rides, but that was never a concern before. Plus, the new commissioner will divert a sizeable chunk of the extra money that comes from the expanded CFP television package to FCS conferences to be used to increase scholarship money there, so teams can add more grants. FOURTH: Since conference champions will be guaranteed playoff berths, it won’t matter if they suffer non-conference losses. So, there will be a mandate for all Power Five teams to play at least one game out of their league against another Power Five team. Every year. And the CFP selection committee will give substantial weight to strength of schedule, just as the NCAA hoops tournament group does. FIFTH: Players get one free transfer during their five-year eligibility window. They can go from one school to the other without worrying about sitting out. That happens once. Do it again, and the player must miss a season. Coaches can do whatever they want. The players should have that freedom, too. SIXTH: All mascots must be live. Ralphie is cool. Brutus Buckeye is not. Period. 

 

-EH-

TIME FOR THE NFL TO HAND OUT SOME REAL JUSTICE

       

            If this were 2019 – or any other year in the 100-season history of the NATIONAL Football League – and we learned that a collection of Tennessee Titans, eager to keep their status atop the AFC South, had arranged to use the field at a local independent school in order to get in some extra work, we would have praised the players as hard-nosed throwbacks and lionized their commitment to the game. Their desire to keep improving would have been exulted as an example for youngsters, and their dedication to the craft would serve as a prime rebuttal to the popular argument that today’s athletes are spoiled, disinterested and overpaid.

            But this isn’t 2019. It’s the twisted, surreal 2020 NFL season, with its empty stadiums, daily coronavirus testing and your 1-3 Dallas Cowboys. Okay, so there might be a few bright spots amidst the tumult and tragedy. On September 30, when those zealous Titans gathered to practice a little football at Montgomery Bell Academy, they weren’t heroes. They were superspreading perps in a COVID-19 incubator who might just spoil the fun for all of us.

            When the NFL discovered that several members of the Titans organization had tested positive for the virus, it followed protocols and shut down the team’s headquarters until the outbreak could end, and no more positive tests would emerge. Instead of abiding by the rules that were laid out clearly before the season commenced, these Titans decided to sneak away and stage that little pickup practice. Now, it looks like that wasn’t the only one. In fact, there are reports of multiple gatherings that violated league policy and contributed to widespread infection – and big problems for the NFL.

            As of Thursday morning, 23 Titans players, staff, coaches and sundry other employees had tested positive for coronavirus. There was no doubt some irresponsible behavior that triggered the outbreak, and the clandestine workout no doubt accelerated the problem. Tennessee was unable to play its game against Pittsburgh on October 4, and it’s unlikely the Titans and Buffalo will be able to square off next Tuesday, the rescheduled game date on which the NFL hopes all the virus problems will have magically disappeared. Those guys don’t seem so heroic now, do they?

            The question moving forward is whether the NFL and its commissioner, The Invisible Man, have the guts to do what’s right and really hammer Tennessee for its blatant disregard for established protocols and its crashing selfish approach to being part of the 32-member socialist cartel, er, league. This is every bit as bad as the Patriots’ spying and far worse than deflating footballs, filming opposing sidelines or anything else that can be found in New England’s bag of dirty tricks. This has put the credibility of the whole season in jeopardy, because if Tennessee has to postpone any more games, it’s unlikely they can be made up. The NFL was able to reschedule the Titans-Steelers game, but if the Buffalo tilt is called off, it won’t be easy to come up with a new date. More than likely, the game will just be cancelled. At a time when the league schedule is as unpredictable as the next Kardashian “drama,” (Wednesday Night Football, anyone?) the Titans’ actions are highly damaging.

            If the league wanted to do the right thing and teach the Titans and everybody else that this is serious business and that lax, unprincipled behavior won’t be tolerated, it would force Tennessee to forfeit any games moving forward that it cannot play and dock it a first-round draft pick or two. That’s the only way to prove that this is serious business and that those who choose to be cavalier about the rules won’t escape punishment. And real punishment. This can’t end with a meaningless fine or no-dessert-for-a-week-style sentence. Tennessee needs to pay for this, because its inability to do what just about every other team is doing has forced the NFL into a difficult situation, one which could leave it with some serious issues come late December.

            What happens if the Titans’ winning percentage of 13 or 14 games is better than that of Indianapolis, its closest current rival in the AFC South and a squad likely to play 16 times? What happens if the Bills miss the playoffs by a half-game because their game with Tennessee is never played? And suppose injuries and the wear-and-tear of a 13-game stretch of games keeps Pittsburgh – which had to move its bye from October 25 to October 4, from the playoffs? This is all serious stuff, and it can impact negatively the league’s credibility, should it come to pass. 

            The time is now for the other owners – who are famously wary of smacking down other franchises for fear of suffering similar treatment themselves one day – and The Invisible Man to step forward and make Tennessee pay for its poor behavior. From this point on, every game the Titans miss is a forfeit. No scheduling gymnastics. No rearranging everybody else’s seasons because of one team’s misdeeds. The NFL is renowned as an unforgiving confederation. Players who can’t perform get cut. Team weaknesses on the field are exploited mercilessly. Coaches who don’t win are canned. Tennessee decided it didn’t have to abide by the rules. It’s time to make the Titans pay. Dearly.

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            EL HOMBRE SEZ: Like it or not, the Trashcan Bangers from south Texas will be playing in their fourth straight ALCS, and it suddenly looks like they have snapped out of their regular-season torpor to play some pretty good baseball. No one knows for sure if the team is using satellite technology, Ouija boards or the Amazing Kreskin to figure out what rivals are doing, but the thought of MLB’s pariahs reaching – and potentially winning – the World Series is almost delicious enough for El Hombre to hope it happens. Almost…It’s sad and disturbing to see so many people delighting in the low ratings for the NBA Finals. Forget that the games are being played during football season and the MLB playoffs. Forget that basketball is the sport that suffers the most – in El Hombre’s humble (shaddup!) opinion – from a lack of fans. The numbers are low, and some people are loving it. Gee, wonder why that is? It couldn’t be that the league is more than 70 percent Black, and that its players’ social activism on behalf of people of color who have been abused over the centuries doesn’t sit well with some folks. That couldn’t be the reason. Must be something else. Any ideas?...You will have to excuse El Hombre’s delight at the travails of the Cowboys, whose 2020 play is enough to make False Face spontaneously combust. Given the team’s 1-3 record and its crummy play that was only saved by some historically boneheaded special teams behavior by Atlanta, perhaps we can find another country willing to adopt it, so that we as a nation don’t have to be embarrassed by its “America’s Team” moniker…When Oklahoma and Texas get together, you can throw out the records. Given the way the teams have played this year, it’s a good idea to throw out the game film, the uniforms, the mascots and just about anything else. El Hombre can’t wait to tune in to that Iowa State-Kansas State Big 12 Championship Game.

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            YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? The Sixers’ decision to hire Doc Rivers was a sound one. He is an experienced coach with a winning pedigree and the gravitas to command the respect of the players and the rest of the organization. But in Joel Embiid and Ben Simmons he has two players who have yet to demonstrate that winning is their primary goal. Each has refused to do the things necessary to move from talented players to championship teammates. If Rivers can get Embiid to get into top shape and convince Simmons that working to develop a jump shot is not an abandonment of his on-court essence, the Sixers might become truly dangerous. But until those two decide that winning is the most important thing, the Sixers can create an amalgam of Red Auerbach, Phil Jackson and Lenny Wilkens and put it on the bench, and it still won’t matter.

            AND ANOTHER THING: El Hombre apologizes (not really) for the second Philadelphia-centered entry, but the recent comments by Phillies managing partner John Middleton demanded a response. In his remarks regarding the decision to “reassign” former GM Matt Klentak – hopefully to a role that has nothing to do with building the team’s roster – Middleton said, “I think the problem the Phillies have had for 100 years is they don’t evaluate talent.” His only hire, Klentak, was proof of that. As Middleton and his “advisors” work to fill the empty GM position, they confront a franchise with a rotten farm system and perhaps the worst bullpen in baseball history. Middleton had better hire someone who knows more about baseball than  mathematics, or that century-long evaluation deficit will continue – and he will be contributing to it once again.

 

-EH-

 

 

PLAY BALL -- SORT OF

            The beautiful thing about baseball over the past 50 years is that no matter how many times the owners and players square off in labor disputes, fans always come back to the ballpark for more peanuts, popcorn and four-hour Yankees-Red Sox games. 

            We may not be sitting in box seats for this season’s 60-game sprint to the playoffs, but you can bet fans will be tuning in to watch their favorite teams – and the Marlins – practice America’s pastime amidst pandemic restrictions and the universal DH catastrophe. These are strange times, and the only way for baseball to match them is with a short campaign resulting from a hideous labor struggle that is merely a precursor to a showdown that will make Medusa look like Blake Lively. 

            Still, tonight, fans will be able to tune in to games that actually count in the standings and once again wonder why every hitter must step out of the box after every pitch to adjust his batting gloves, even if he didn’t swing the bat. Here’s El Hombre’s look at the really big storylines of the abbreviated 2020 season.

            Greed is Good: A big reason why it took so long for Majoke League Baseball to set a schedule for the season was a good, old-fashioned owner-sponsored attempt to break the Players Union’s collective spirit. El Hombre has said it a million times before, but it bears repeating: In disputes between millionaires and billionaires, root for the millionaires. The owners waged a months-long attempt to subdue the union, in a preliminary bout before next year’s battle royale that will almost certainly shut down the game for a long period of time. While a tenuous labor peace prevails at the moment, and fans shouldn’t worry about the nastiness ahead, remember that those who own the teams don’t care one bit about their customers, except as revenue streams. Why else would they charge $13 for a bottle of Bud?

            Justice Delayed: There are few things as wonderful as settling into a stadium seat on a balmy summer night and getting ready for nine innings of baseball. The country’s inability to get the coronavirus pandemic under control has robbed us of enjoying that pleasure this season, but the biggest baseball tragedy of 2020’s fever dream is the inability of fans around the country to rip into the Houston Astros for the brazen cheating that led to their 2017 World Series title. There will be no banging on trashcans, no “concealing” devices under shirts to look like Jose Altuve, and no ability to direct vitriol and clever insults at the team. It’s just not right. And it won’t have the same impact next year. Talk about a lucky break. Even if Houston goes 0-60 this season, it will still have picked up a huge victory. 

            What’s Next, Ghost Runners? Fans of real baseball – i.e. National League baseball – knew the day would come when the forces of evil prevailed, and the designated hitter would become part of their world. Well, 2020 is the beginning of the end of the sport as we have known it for more than 100 years. Although the DH in National League ball isn’t permanent, yet, it will no doubt be part of the next labor agreement, bringing the gimmick into every ballpark and spoiling the fun of seeing managers actually have to do their jobs. Further, the 10^th inning of tie ballgames will begin with a runner on second base, a bastardization of the game that defies description. Why not let the batters hit off tees during extra innings? Or let batting practice pitchers take the mound? Maybe they could use courtesy runners for catchers or mandate only three balls for walks in extra frames. And everybody gets a juice box and a bag of fruit snacks after the game. Ridiculous.

            Making Due: Over the next two-plus months, MLB players must pretend as if every game is being played in Miami, where the population is wise to the Marlins’ Rachel Phelps-style approach to ownership and doesn’t show up to games. Fans in the seats will be replaced by cutouts, and if teams want to be realistic, 90 percent of the stiffs should be looking at their phones during the games. Teams will pipe in fan noise – wonder if the Phillies will broadcast lusty booing when the players mess up – and use video and other technology to replicate a ballgame’s sounds. It’s kind of like what espn does when it tries to make its highlights more exciting. Now, if someone could figure out how to make baseball more exciting…

            Wild and Crazy Guys: In a 60-game season, nothing is certain. That’s right, Tigers fans, your heroes might just win it all. Think about how many teams have looked great in May and June during previous seasons, only to collapse spectacularly as the season reached its arduous, 162-game conclusion. The temptation is to look at the Yankees and Dodgers and pencil them in for a TV-friendly bi-coastal World Series, but with such a short season, just about all of the teams can qualify for the expanded post-season, and those who stay free of serious injury will be most likely to prevail. 

            Which leads El Hombre to…

            Super-Size Me: Sixteen playoff teams? What in the name of the NHL is going on here? This means Kansas City might get in. And the Giants, even with Gabe Kapler managing them. And even…Baltimore. Okay, okay. El Hombre is sorry for losing his mind (shaddup!) momentarily. This actually works – for one year. The shortened season will create a playoff race that will involve every MLB team, except Detroit. Not even a 28-team playoff scenario could help the Tigers. Let’s have a full-on tournament. That ought to keep people’s interest, although once the NFL gets started, it’s tough to imagine a first-round matchup between Colorado and the Reds is going to draw eyeballs in any other city. So, EH provides his imprimatur: Sixteen teams for one time only. The whole world is on its ear. Why not get crazy? 

            And The Winner Is: It’s pretty tempting to pencil in the Dodgers and Yankees into the World Series. After all, they paid for it. Were this a normal, 162-game season, that would be the call. But a 60-game, pandemic-threatened sprint requires drastic measures. Let’s give the NL to the Dodgers, who will bump off Atlanta in the NLCS. As for the Junior Circuit, El Hombre is going with Tampa Bay. Nobody does more with less than the Rays, and in this setting, they have enough to reach the Big Show. However, they will lose in five to L.A., which takes its first Series title since Tommy LaSorda was in charge and chasing the Phillie Phanatic around the stadium.

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            EL HOMBRE SEZ: The NBA announced Monday that none of the 300-plus people in its Orlando “Bubble” had tested positive for coronavirus, quite an accomplishment given the level of contact players have during practices and scrimmages. Guess the threat of that “Snitch Line” has scared some people into behaving themselves. It also means there isn’t any right swiping going on. Let’s see how everything plays out when some team members need a little “consoling” after a loss…Meanwhile, the NHL is set to resume play in a little over a week, with all games played in Canada. That’s a good thing, because given the state of the teams in that country, it’s the only way the Stanley Cup will be won in up in North Minnesota for a long time…Let’s hear it for Washington NFL franchise owner Little Danny Snyder, who is changing the name of his team after being reminded by sponsors that they can take away their millions just as easily they can give them. This has nothing to do with helping to rid the landscape of racist terms; it’s all about the chicken, as the kids say, and Snyder remains a contemptible individual, no matter how hard the NFL’s propaganda partners try to make him out to be upstanding…Let’s hear it for Bryson DeChambeau, who in between swallowing entire cannisters of protein powder and swatting 400-yard drives has managed to alienate a good chunk of the golfing community with his complaining about how the PGA’s TV apologizers are supposed to help him build his brand, rather than showing the tantrums he throws on the course. That’s why it was particularly gratifying to see him try to calculate how many shots he hit on the 15^th at Muirfield last week. The final tally was 10 and could have been a message from the golfing gods to stop the moaning.

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            YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? So, now Ben Simmons is a four man, eh? The Sixers have seemingly ended their experiment with Simmons at the point and have given him a numeric promotion (one to four in the roundball lexicon) to a spot where shooting the three-pointer isn’t so important in the job description. The only problem is that the modern power forward is supposed to shoot the ball, too. He doesn’t always have to crank it up from behind the arc, but he should be able to hit a 15-footer. Simmons still can’t do that, and everybody who is any good the Sixers will play knows that. Simmons may be able to get away with his one-dimensional offensive game against the NBA’s chumps – of which there are many – but once a good defensive team lines up against him, Simmons will be exposed. There are always reports that he is working on his shot, that he will be taking jumpers and that he will become the complete player the Sixers need him to be. Until then, he can play every position on the court, but he will never be a first-rate star. 

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            AND ANOTHER THING: It was amusing to hear some of the NBA players in the league’s Mousetown “bubble” complaining about their accommodations. It turns out the food wasn’t to their gourmet standards, and the thread count on the sheets wasn’t high enough. Athletes are constantly reminding us how tough they are, but it seems more likely that the bravado-filled talk doesn’t refer to any interruption in their five-star lifestyles or criticism from the media. They will huff and puff on the court and then whine when someone has the temerity to mention that their on-field/court/ice performance isn’t quite commensurate with the Fort Knox-level paychecks they have been receiving. It was left to Oklahoma City center Steven Adams to provide a little perspective about the brutal conditions the players were enduring. “This is not Syria,” he said. “It’s not that hard.” Thank you, Steven. Let’s hope your peers took a little time away from their pedicures to pay attention. 

-EH-

LET THE BUYERS BEWARE

Monday afternoon, all-Big 12 Oklahoma State running back Chuba Hubbard tweeted his displeasure at a photograph of head coach Mullet “I’m a man, I’m 40!” Gundy wearing a t-shirt bearing the logo of One America News, a fledgling right-wing media enterprise which Gundy had praised earlier this year. 

            Since this is America, and freedom of speech is a right protected by the Constitution, The Mullet can get his “news” from any source he wants. But Hubbard is also allowed to speak out about how it feels to be a young black man playing for a coach who endorses an outlet that has, among other incendiary takes, referred to Black Lives Matter as “a farce.” It wasn’t long before other OSU players took to social media in support of Hubbard, and later that same day Gundy and Hubbard appeared in what looked like a hostage video, during which Hubbard actually apologized for tweeting out his feelings. 

            A day later, predictably, Gundy read a mea culpa designed to demonstrate his newfound appreciation for his players’ concerns. His delivery was as wooden as Roger Dorn’s during the Cleveland team’s American Express commercial in “Major League” and was received well by some. Others weren’t so convinced. Of course, believing that The Mullet had actually changed his feelings after one 24-hour period is simplistic at best and dangerous at worst. This was the guy who back in April said he would be bringing his players back soon to campus, despite the burgeoning pandemic, because he didn’t want to stop the flow of dollars from university or state. 

            The issue here isn’t whether Gundy should be fired for his political beliefs or news channel choices. He shouldn’t be. (NOTE: If the accusations made by former Colorado players that The Mullet used the N-word in a 1989 game between Oklahoma State and the Buffaloes are true, then it’s time for him to go.) The larger question is whether Hubbard’s and his teammates’ posts signal a new dawn in athletes’ activism. As college sports stumble back to life in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, protests continue across the country in response to police brutality and institutional racism, and the NC2A continues to do everything in its power to limit the rights of its athletes in the name of “amateurism”, athletes everywhere are becoming emboldened and could well create a long-needed shift in the power dynamic across the nation.

            Ohio State students were welcomed back to campus this week with a form they had to sign that absolved the institution of any liability should any of them contract coronavirus during their “voluntary” workouts. Athletes at other schools will no doubt have to do the same thing when they arrive on campus. All this to make sure the institutions are protected, even if the kids aren’t. 

            As we move forward while confronting the dueling crises of a pandemic (better get your fill of college sports early in the fall, folks) and substantial civil unrest, athletes and their families should be paying close attention to what schools do to assure students’ safety, how they respond for calls to repair racist activities of the past and present and whether they respond enthusiastically to the opportunity to help athletes profit from their names, images and likenesses. Those who do will be able to make informed decisions about remaining on campus and where they should be committing when recruited. 

            In the past, athletes have chosen their schools based on playing time, facilities, academic programs, coaches’ sales pitches, location, historic success and a host of other criteria, some of which are quite banal. “Golly, Mom and Dad, Clemson’s football building has a sliding board in it. I want to go there!” While some of the reasons will always remain crucial to the final decisions, the behaviors of people and schools during these extraordinary times should offer significant evidence of where players – particularly African-Americans – want to spend four years (or at least one or two before they transfer). 

            Players and their families should start paying closer attention to what coaches believe, what institutions celebrate and whether those behaviors align with their beliefs and what is important to them. If Gundy still wants to watch OAN, that’s his right. But that might be a problem if he wants to convince a four-star African-American quarterback to play for him. If a school wants to become a magnet for players who want some of rights and privileges enjoyed by their coaches – bonuses for success, ability to profit in the community from their exploits and relative freedom of movement between job opportunities – then its president had better not be chairing a committee of fellow big shots who are trying to squelch athletes’ freedoms. 

            If athletes want to affect change at schools and within athletic departments, they can do so by choosing colleges whose officials and coaches care about social justice, rather than just issuing mea culpas when they get caught doing things that upset people. Further, parents, community leaders and others who have influence over young people should be monitoring the those competing for high school athletes’ services. That way, they can provide information and guidance about who is recruiting the youngsters. Nothing forces change in college sports more than poor performances by teams, diminishing revenues and bad public relations. Yes, Clemson may have a beach volleyball court at its football complex. But it also has a building on campus named for Benjamin Tillman, an ardent racist. It’s time to make one of those facts more important than the other when it comes to athletic recruiting. 

* * *

            EL HOMBRE SEZ: It took espn 1:45 of “Long Gone Summer” to mention that Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa might have used some funny vitamins to jack all those homers during the magical steroid summer of ’98. Who makes the decisions to gloss over things like this? Is there a big meeting in which someone says, “Look, these guys looked like Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade floats, but if we talk about their go-go juice usage, folks won’t watch,” and everybody just goes along? It’s ridiculous and yet another reason espn can’t be counted on consistently for truthful programming…Speaking of baseball, it looks like we might have an agreement between players and owners that will allow for a truncated 2020 season. Might. It’s still extremely possible that both sides will screw this up, and that the only ball we’ll see is the Korean League, or the 96^th airing of “Bull Durham.” (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)…Among the amenities promised NBA players when they bivouac at the “bubble” in Mousetown for the remainder of the ’19-20 season is a manicure/pedicure service. El Hombre is trying to imagine what Bill Russell, Wes Unseld, Maurice Lucas or Bill Laimbeer would have had to say about that.

* * *

            YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? News of Eagles guard Barrett Brooks’ torn Achilles tendon has rattled the franchise and its fan base. Now, the team must decide whether to promote a reserve from within to take Brooks’ place, pursue the unwise path of re-signing Jason Peters to play inside, after his glittering career as a left tackle, pick up a cheap free agent or get aggressive and find a front-line replacement. El Hombre votes for the aggressive approach. Although the team is way over the cap for the 2021 season, thanks to a spate of long-term deals, and inking (or trading for) a legitimate starter would stress an already difficult money situation, the team has a great chance to win the NFC East this year and merely patching a major hole in the middle of the line will have significant consequences. Oft-injured QB Carson Wentz needs as much protection as possible, and leaving him vulnerable to A-gap blitzes isn’t the best way to do that. Further, since the Eagles’ receiving corps isn’t made up of 7-Eleven types (always open), Wentz will need more time to find someone who has – perhaps – shaken free of a defender. Putting a turnstile in front of him on the line won’t aid his efforts any. It makes sense to overpay for Brooks’ replacement for this year and perhaps next, since this is his second torn Achilles, and though he showed superhuman courage in coming back so quickly from the first, the body can only withstand so much abuse. NFL teams have no guarantee that contention windows will stay open for more than a year, much less three or four, and sacrificing 2020 for the future is a bad decision.

* * *

            AND ANOTHER THING: As the nation opens up gradually – or, in some places, too quickly – people are beginning to look a bit forward to the idea that college football will defy the pandemic and provide us three months of Saturday entertainment. That’s a nice thought, but it would be wise for fans to temper their expectations. As colleges across the country try to figure out how to return to campus, they are also making plans for a return to the remote educational models that prevailed earlier this year, as states shut down activities, and toilet paper hoarding became the new national pastime. With experts predicting sustained life for the coronavirus, and states experiencing spikes in cases thanks to premature loosening of restrictions, the chances of another widespread national crisis are quite real. Although some states may ignore a growing number of cases and power forward, others won’t. That means campus closures and cessations of college sports. It’s not guaranteed, and it’s not necessarily universal, but everyone should understand that there could well be interruptions as the fall moves forward.

-EH-

PLAY BALL, YOU IDIOTS!

            Rob Manfred, Majoke League Baseball’s tough-guy commissioner who took away the Astros’ dessert for two weeks after Houston cheated its way to the 2017 World Series title, has guaranteed us there will be baseball this year.

            “I can tell you unequivocally we are gonna play Major League Baseball this year,” Manfred said.

            That’s a pretty definitive statement for someone who is presiding over yet another round of clown college-quality negotiations between owners and players. If it takes an imposition from the top of a 50-game (or 10-game, or whatever) schedule that half the players boycott, Manfred is going to do it. And as the millionaires and billionaire squabble over control of the game and their shares of a smaller – but still substantial – pile of money, the biggest loser in all of this is a sport that is facing an uncertain future, as its fan base ages toward irrelevance with advertisers, and the feast of entertainment options around it lures more and more young people away from it.

            Manfred’s proclamation may have cheered some baseball fans, but the idea of a 50-game sprint to a bloated playoff tournament is as appetizing as a hot dog that has endured eight innings in the brackish waters of a vendor’s tank. Some people may watch. Many won’t, and when baseball tries to reopen fully next spring, it will do so in front of fewer fans and after having taken one more step toward an irrelevance that could have been avoided, or at least prolonged.

            A 2017 study by Sports Business Journal found that the average baseball fan was 57 years old, seven years older than the average NFL fan and 15 ahead of the typical NBA partisan. That was three years ago, and you can bet MLB’s fan base hasn’t skewed younger since then. And since baseball isn’t too keen on filling up commercial breaks with advertisements for Consumer Cellular, Colonial Penn Life Insurance and prostate-care supplements, the graying fan base isn’t too encouraging. Those old-folks promotions don’t generate the same revenue as do ads for cars, fast-food joints and reality shows. 

            According to the study, only 24 percent of baseball fans at the time were under 35. And since Little League participation has dropped consistently since the 1990s, it’s unlikely American youngsters are going to develop into rabid MLB fans in the coming years, thereby increasing that statistic. Baseball can institute robot umpires, seven-inning games, ghost runners on second at the beginning of extra innings and dress its players up like characters from “Stranger Things”, and it still won’t matter. The game’s fan base is aging. Its languid pace doesn’t appeal to our shorter-attention-span culture. So, what’s the absolute worst thing to do in that situation? 

            Piss off the base.

            El Hombre has been quite clear about his preferred side in the ongoing struggle between the owners and players, so he isn’t going to revisit that subject. However, as baseball refuses to find a way back onto the field in a way that will satisfy fans, it risks obsolescence. Had it found a way to return by July 4, the sport could have had an entire month’s head start before the NBA and NHL resumed play and even beaten NFL training camps off the starting line. Further, it would have been played during its conventional window, something the basketball and hockey folks couldn’t have done. It’s still hard to imagine folks getting excited about the Stanley Cup finals in August. 

            Earlier this week, the MLB Players Association presented a counteroffer to the owners that should serve as a basis for responsible negotiations that produce a season that can be considered legitimate, not some 50-game lark. Should the two sides come to an agreement, they will each suffer some short-term pain, in return for a bit of long-term security. Baseball’s aging base may be loyal, but it has a breaking point. If baseball messes up this year, even the old timers won’t be back in the same numbers. Do the math: as the current target audience ages and falls away, and the younger demographic loses interest, the long-term prognosis for baseball isn’t too attractive. That doesn’t mean the sport is doomed tomorrow or even in 10 years, especially since 60 is the new 40 – or at least that’s what El Hombre hopes. But any business that insists on alienating its best customers will eventually wither. If MLB teams don’t get onto the field pretty damn quickly, they will lose the one group of fans on which they have been counting. 

            And remember, there’s a “Rockford Files” marathon on TV next week. That’s a heckuva lot better than a Rockies-Marlins game.

* * *

            EL HOMBRE SEZ: The eight rotten NBA teams that have been left out of the playoff hunt – for darn good reason – are upset that playing no games this summer will create a huge layoff that will hurt them next season. Here’s a news flash: the lack of competition won’t be the major culprit; their awful rosters will be. But since El Hombre is a generous soul, he proposes the NBA stage The Crap Tournament, which pits the eight roundball disasters against each other. Only there should be one catch: the losing teams advance in the best-of-three series. That way, fans will know who the true worst squad is. Put everything you have on the Knicks…In other NBA news, the league has floated the concept of a condensed 2020-21 season that would start Dec. 1 and squeeze all 82 games into a time period that would allow for an ending close to the traditional conclusion of the season, and one that would allow for players to compete for the U.S. in the Tokyo Olympics, now scheduled to begin July 23 of next year. That would lead to more back-to-backs. There might even be some back-to-back-to-back gauntlets for teams, or as the Knicks fans will refer to them, “stink-stank-stunk.”…Now that NASCAR has banned Confederate battle flags from its racetracks, the big question is how stridently the racing organization will police its new edict. Should it apply the same zero-tolerance policy that it does to those who try to sell bootleg apparel, it will do just fine. One more thing about the flags: They represent a rebellion against the United States that failed. When you lose a war, you don’t get to keep your symbols…Michael Jordan and his team landed a massive, 442.3-pound marlin during a $3 million fishing tournament off the coast of North Carolina. Alas, the creature wasn’t heavy enough to win Jordan any money, and rumor has it the Bulls legend immediately christened it “The Scott Burrell of fish” and lambasted it for not doing enough to help him win…Duke AD Kevin White is concerned that new legislation allowing college athletes to pursue compensation for their names, images and likenesses will force schools to “abandon a model” that has been successful. Let’s hope so. That “model” has allowed colleges – along with coaches and ADs like White – to reap tremendous financial rewards from their athletes’ exploits, while sharing none of the largesse with the athletes. Sure, there is a chance certain schools will establish protocols to ensure some recruits will be able to have more endorsement opportunities than others, but since Duke has hired an outside firm to help it manage the new path, it’s unlikely the Blue Devils will be at a disadvantage. Here’s an idea: When White and his AD friends receive bonuses for teams’ successes at their schools, perhaps they could funnel the money to the players, instead of profiting personally. Think that will happen? Naaahhhh!!!

* * *

            YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? Once the NBA season re-starts, the Sixers will be counting heavily on Ben Simmons for any playoff success. That’s not good news. Even if Simmons is completely healthy – and a back injury forced him out of action before the league ceased operation due to the coronavirus – he remains an extremely unreliable leader, thanks to his skill set and attitude. The first and most obvious trouble is Simmons’ refusal to develop a reliable outside shot, which makes him more guardable, particularly in playoff settings, when open-court fun evaporates and teams must negotiate the halfcourt. Without a jumper from outside 15 feet, Simmons makes it easier for top teams to contain him in tight confines. Worse is the fact that by not developing the shot, Simmons appears to think his development is complete and that he doesn’t need to improve. That’s no way for a leader to behave, and it raises significant questions about whether he can become the type of player capable of lifting a franchise to the top of the NBA. Simmons has remarkable skill and talent, but it’s imperative that he becomes more complete, or the Sixers will never win a title with him on the roster. 

* * *

            AND ANOTHER THING: It will be extremely interesting to see whether the NFL’s Invisible Man, who last week released a video expressing contrition for not listening more closely to players’ complaints about racism and for not respecting their protests – which included taking a knee during the playing of the national anthem – will stick by his new stance once the games start this season and team members kneel, raise fists or do something else in protest. Roger Goodell sounds as if he has developed a greater understanding of the issues about which players are angry. But there will be considerable pushback from plenty of populations, including Mr. Twitter himself, who has already weighed in, and some of the NFL owners, who approve Goodell’s salary and who have shown themselves to be no fans of protest, particularly if it upsets fans, political figures or media outlets. Forget that the protests are about police brutality and are not against the flag or armed forces, as those who dislike the activists insist. Goodell will have to make a big decision come exhibition game time, and it’s a good bet he will bow to external forces and outlaw kneeling. It may make his bosses happy, but it will infuriate the players, 70 percent of whom are black and who are fed up with brutality. The Invisible Man looks good now, but he’s like a rookie who shines during mini-camp. Once the real action starts, things get a lot tougher, and the spring star wilts.

-EH-

NOW DO YOU SEE WHY HE TOOK A KNEE?

            If anyone in the U.S. doesn’t understand now why Colin Kaepernick took a knee during the national anthem four years ago, he or she just isn’t interested in comprehending the quarterback's intent. 

            It wasn’t to disgrace the flag.

            He wasn’t being anti-American.

            He was protesting the brutal police treatment of black Americans. Period. 

            Oh, and the flag that all his critics wrapped themselves in was the shield that protected his protest. Kaepernick was protesting exactly what happened in Minneapolis last week. And in countless other U.S. cities over the past decades and centuries. You can spew jingoistic outrage about how you support our troops, but you cannot deny – if you are at all interested in being an honest and thoughtful person – that Kaepernick’s anger was justified. 

            As sports tries to stir from its coronavirus-inspired hibernation, its players, coaches, executives and fans are grappling with the fact that the racism problem in this country is real and widespread. Some are speaking out. Others are supporting those who have to fight the fight every second. Many are listening. And learning. Talking. Those are good things. They are necessary things. But they aren’t enough. If they are not backed up by action, we won’t ever progress from where we are today.

            Nothing is more about tribalism than the world of sports. My team can beat your team, which by the way, stinks. My school is better than your school. My quarterback is better than yours. We arrange ourselves in tribes based on allegiances to our favorites. It’s natural for humans to seek out people with like interests and backgrounds. In sports, that means Eagles fans will back each other in any confrontation, sometimes to the detriment of civilized society. There is nothing wrong with supporting a team or school and bonding with others allied with the same squad. 

            But our connection with tribes of all kinds must not be based on hatred and intolerance. It’s one thing to root against the Cowboys. It’s another to foment distrust and animus against another race. Or gender. Or sexual orientation. (Those are topics for another time.) Colin Kaepernick didn’t take a knee to disrespect our armed forces. He wasn’t agitating for the overthrow of the government. He wanted to make everyone aware that some members of the law enforcement community were and had been treating black people violently and without care. 

            He chose to do it during the national anthem because it generated awareness. And he did it because he was protected by a Constitution that guarantees free speech. As the anger mounted against him, his message became distorted by those trying to use him for political, social and just plain hateful purposes. 

            The amusing thing about all of this is that spending the couple minutes it takes for the anthem to reach its first-verse conclusion out on the concourse of a stadium or arena reveals hundreds of people showing no respect at all for the anthem. They are talking, buying food and drink, searching for their sections, going to the bathroom and doing just about anything other than standing at attention, with their hats removed, and singing along. But because those folks are law-abiding Americans, they get passes. 

            The killing of George Floyd by a Minneapolis police officer has triggered fury that has been simmering – and often reaching a boil – for centuries. It has spawned protests, but what it must do now is catalyze honest discussion throughout the country about what it really means to be a black person in America. 

            A few years ago, El Hombre spent a couple hours interviewing a black minister in Wilmington, DE, about race and that city’s efforts to emerge from poverty and violence. El Hombre asked the minister what would happen first if the two of them had the opportunity to solve the nation’s problem with racism.

            “That would require a conversation in which you would have to hear some very uncomfortable things,” the minister said.

            “But what if you hear some things you don’t like?” El Hombre asked.

            The minister laughed.

            “I’ve already heard them,” he said.    

            He’s right. He had heard it all, and El Hombre hadn’t heard enough. Kaepernick tried to open our ears, but his silent power was no match for the cacophony of those unwilling to look past their own biases. As sports return – we hope – those involved will be speaking out again. Before fans dismiss them, they should find somebody who looks different than they are and have that uncomfortable conversation. Listen. Learn. They may not change their minds completely, but they will gain some knowledge. That’s a great start.    

* * *

            EL HOMBRE SEZ: When El Hombre gets his three wishes from Jeannie, one of them will be for the Almighty’s imagination, just so he can dream up something like what happened in a New York courtroom Monday. A judge dismissed Lenny Dykstra’s defamation suit against Ron Darling on the grounds that Dykstra had already defamed himself so thoroughly with his actions that no one could do any more damage to his reputation. Darling had written in his autobiography that Dykstra had hurled a string of vile epithets at Boston pitcher Oil Can Boyd during the 1986 World Series, and Dykstra claimed the book had harmed his rep. We’re at the point where if someone referred to Dykstra as Joe Stalin, the Soviet Man of Steel’s estate might sue…Uh-oh, Dookies: A Florida State Court judge ruled Monday that Zion Williamson has to answer questions about whether he accepted cash and prizes from Durham Community College to play ball for Saint, er, Coach Mike Krzyzewski. The imbroglio stems from a lawsuit brought against Williamson by his former marketing manager, who claims she was wrongly replaced. Williamson’s attorneys – and one would imagine Duke fans everywhere – will appeal. But this puts us one step closer to finding out that the Blue Devils weren’t attracting all those five-star recruits just because Krzyzewski is such a great guy. Wouldn’t that be a sin?...The NBA is hoping to start its season again by July 31, with the Finals’ concluding by Oct. 12, a time period that will bring a satisfactory conclusion to the season but will also put the league up against the NFL and (El Hombre hopes) the MLB’s pennant chase and post-season. Anyone expecting fans to spend August and September watching roundball is wishing and hoping and dreaming. But such is life in a pandemic. And if the 2019-20 season ends in mid-October, when does the ’20-21 campaign commence? Strange times, indeed…At this point, the math seems pretty simple: MLB players want to play 114 games, and the owners want 50. The players want 50% of their salaries guaranteed, and the owners want to pay 40%. So, how about 82 games and 45%? Makes sense, doesn’t it? Get on it!

* * *

            AND ANOTHER THING: With minor leaguers facing highly-uncertain futures, and the entire farm system model at risk, thanks to the cratered economy and Majoke League Baseball’s attempt to gain control (read: cut costs) of the bushes, huge credit should go to David Price and Sean Doolittle for stepping up and promising to pay salaries of players in their teams’ systems. Price is paying the 200-plus players in the Dodgers’ system $1,000 each this month, while Doolittle convinced the Nationals’ big-league players to pick up the balance of the weekly $400 stipends the minor-leaguers were scheduled to receive, before the franchise cut them. Doolittle’s advocacy – and his teammates’ generosity – shamed the Nats’ owners into coughing up the full amount. Price is due to make about $31 million this year, so it’s not like he’s going to be eating beans for dinner or anything, but $200,000-plus is no joke, so he is to be commended. So are the Nationals. As for the owners, El Hombre hopes they won’t have to serve cut-rate caviar on their yachts this summer. 

* * *

            YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? Fans often wonder what NFL players say to each other on the field, when the pressure mounts, and the action is at its peak. This week, Eagles wide receiver DeSean Jackson suggested TV networks make up for the lack of fan noise on broadcasts by putting microphones on players and airing their banter, comments, insults and trash talk. It’s a great idea. In theory. But do the players – and especially the NFL – want to expose the public to what is really said? El Hombre doesn’t think so. Forget about the bad words and how creatively the players use them. Think about the wildly politically incorrect things that are said on the field. The NFL sure doesn’t want that in the public record. And how about momentary flare-ups between coaches and players that get settled almost immediately after they start? That’s not good for business, either. Fans would love an inside look like that, but the league can’t afford to provide it. About the only person in the league capable of wearing a microphone is Colts’ QB Phillip “Goshdarnit” Rivers. Or, maybe someone could arrange for full access to a BYU scrimmage. But an NFL game? [Expletive] no!

-EH-

COME ON, AMERICA. TAKE WHAT YOU CAN GET

We Americans have a strange way of rationalizing our habit of wanting more. It’s why our credit card balances are often equal to the GDPs of some small European countries and our collective ability to think in terms of the future often doesn’t extend beyond the doughnut. 

“I’ll take care of it later.” 

            And later.

            Until…

            Well, you know.

            We want more leisure time.  More money. More things. More comfort. More ease. That’s why, when an American says something along the lines of, “When this is over, I will never fail to appreciate (family/good health/what I have/cold beer) again,” the rest of the world shakes its head. Yes, U.S. citizen, you are going to fail in that humble pursuit, because you want more.

            Back in March, when the world of sports closed its doors like an angry homeowner driving away a solicitor, we mourned the lack of programming. We craved competition. We wanted to talk sports. Watch sports. Gamble on sports. And we let everyone know that it didn’t matter what format sports took when they returned, we were going to be delighted and even satisfied. Fans or no fans. Shortened seasons. Odd playoff formats. The espn NBA pre-game show. The Mets. We didn’t care. Just give us the goods.

            Well, here we are, on the precipice of sports’ – and golf’s – return, and we are already bemoaning some of the compromises we will have to make in order to enjoy professional (we’ll get to the colleges at a later date) athletics. Turns out those involved in the fun and games are a bit confused about the whole thing, too. 

            The strange part of it is that we should be welcoming back sports in any format we can get them. If you have been forced to go without beer for a few months, and someone offers you a Natty Light, are you going to turn it down and wait for a delicious Toadstool IPA, with hints of toe jam, cauliflower and mulch? Let’s hope not. Grab the Natty and be happy about it. 

            But that’s not how we roll in the old USA. We want what we want, when we want it. Right now, that’s no way to be. So, if the NBA proposes a playoff format that combines the group stage of the World Cup, the NCAA Tournament and Family Feud, don’t complain. Enjoy the basketball and try to figure out how the league and its propaganda partners are going to help Zion Williamson get as far as possible in the competition. If the NHL is going to exclude seven teams – especially the execrable Dead Things – from its revival, so be it. Was anybody really hankering to watch an Ottawa-San Jose showdown in an empty arena, in July? Come to think of it, would anybody want to see that in February in front of a packed house? 

            These are the strangest times for sports anybody has ever encountered. Baseball players won’t be allowed to spit. NBA stars may have to make their trash-talk G-rated, the better to prevent profane slurs about opponents’ families from being caught by microphones in silent arenas. And if two hockey players drop the gloves without a bloodthirsty crowd cheering them on, will they still throw down, or will they merely consent to mediation to settle their differences? 

            It’s going to be a long time before everything looks normal again. Packed houses are way off in the future. But there will be some real competition involving the best players in the world soon, and there had better not be any whining about formats or social distancing in dugouts or quarantining those who test positive for coronavirus. It’s time to take what we can get. El Hombre knows that’s not easy for us, because we are supposed to get whatever we want, and for those with Amazon Prime, get it in two days or less. All of that will return. It just isn’t coming back this summer. Or this fall, for that matter. It may not even occur in the winter. But just as life returned to normal after the 1918 Spanish Flu pandemic, which preceded the Roaring Twenties and sports’ first Golden Age, we will once again have the opportunity to pay too much for tickets, spend $14 bucks on a 12-ounce beer, high-five the people seated around us and go to the bathroom at games whenever we want. 

            Those watching at home will get the same made-for-TV spectacles they are used to seeing. Eventually. For now, we are going to have to adopt a word that has disappeared from our vernacular and certainly from our behavior: compromise. We must take what is given to us and like it. And the first one who complains will be forced to watch an unending stream of Marlins games, in the type of setup the Minister of Interior used to disabuse Alex DeLarge of his ultraviolence predilection. Sports are coming back, probably in a format that isn’t perfect or that you do not like. Enjoy them as they are, even if that feels positively un-American.

* * *

            EL HOMBRE SEZ: Anybody who thought the sanitized version of Michael Jordan’s response to the idea of Isiah Thomas’ playing on the 1992 Olympic “Dream Team” was true should contact El Hombre about purchasing the large tract of land he owns on Mercury. Jordan didn’t want Thomas on the team, and the recent airing of Jack McCallum’s 2011 recording of Jordan’s comments saying he wouldn’t play if Thomas was chosen proves it. It’s just another reason why people should consider “The Last Dance” a fine piece of entertainment but hardly a reliable bit of historical matter…As dozens of players continue to flood the transfer portal, the NC2A is allowing players to make money off their names, images and likenesses, and prep players are heading to the G League for a season of exhibition games before moving on to the NBA, a prominent D-I coach warns of “unintended consequences” from the increased opportunities for players. Such as? How about locker room discontent over which players get the nicest cars or biggest appearance fees from local merchants? Or a lack of development for those G-Leaguers, who won’t play in a game that really matters all year? It’s great that players have more rights, but it’s going to take some time to make sure this all works well…There is talk that 53-year old Mike Tyson, whose recent social media posts show him looking fit and powerful, could fight Evander Holyfield, 57, with proceeds going to charity. It would be the boxers’ third meeting in the ring and is definitely something Tyson considers, ahem, appetizing…Next month, UConn will cut multiple sports from its athletic department, due to significant financial losses, and it will blame the coronavirus for the move. The real culprit is a rotten football program that has gone 6-30 the past three seasons and has been hemorrhaging money for most of the decade. The Huskies have a diminutive fan base, little-to-no tradition and a recruiting base that hardly produces a collection of five-star recruits. (Or four-stars. Or…) Still, the school has kept up the charade of a running an FBS program, and now it must cut other sports to support a huge budget chasm for a program that will never be any good. What a joke.

* * *

            YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? The releases of Todd Zolecki’s new book and John Barr’s documentary about late Phillies pitcher Roy Halladay devote considerable attention to his addiction, depression and physical pain, painting compelling portraits of the star’s struggles. It isn’t difficult to see how all of those circumstances contributed to his tragic death, and it’s highly unlikely Philadelphia fans will look on his life with anything other than compassion. Let’s hope these glimpses of Halladay’s experiences help others understand that monsters like addiction and depression afflict many other people and that their impacts manifest themselves in many different ways, some of which are disruptive and potentially harmful to others. Halladay will be viewed sentimentally because of his significant contributions to the Philly sports scene, but it’s important that fans provide the same concern and understanding for other athletes (and everybody else fighting with these powerful foes) when they encounter setbacks due to their vulnerabilities in these situations. Halladay’s time with the Phillies was outstanding, and he was the consummate ace, whose work ethic and tenacity endeared him to local fans. The revelations about his battles with addiction and depression should help us develop empathy for others in the same situations.

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            AND ANOTHER THING: Sunday’s golf match between the Eldrick Woods and Phil Mickelson-led teams was pretty darn entertaining, especially when Dreamy Tom split his pants holing a wedge shot on the seventh. The competition was fun, and so was the banter between the players and commentators, particularly – of course – Charles Barkley. In regard to Brady, it has been amusing to see how tightly the media holds onto aging stars. As the new Tampa Bay QB cavorts around the Gulf Coast, entering houses by mistake and holding unsanctioned workouts, the praise for him is unrelenting. It’s nearly impossible to find a voice questioning the Buccaneers’ decision to sign him, and people are throwing down some Real Money on the Bucs to win the Super Bowl. That’s borderline insane. Not only does the team still have issues along the offensive line, its secondary remains shaky. And then there is Brady, who completed a pedestrian 60.8 percent of his throws last year, which was ahead of only five other full-time starters, and posted a QB rating of 88.0. That tied him with Indy’s Jacoby Brissett, who lost his job during the off-season to Philip Rivers, whose 88.5 rating in ’19 wasn’t spectacular, either. Brady will turn 43 in August and is clearly not the QB he was even two years ago. Tampa Bay fans should be happy the team has upgraded from Jameis Winsterception, but it would be nice if the media showed a bit of objectivity in assessing Brady’s 2020 prospects. 

                                                                   -EH-