THE OLD COLLEGE TRY

When it comes to the top inventions of all time – beer, rock-n-roll music, yoga pants – there is nothing that beats college football. Okay, so El Hombre understands the world’s greatest sport wasn’t technically invented in some lab and that it evolved over time from a bunch of guys in silly caps turning soccer into something worth watching and eventually into a true phenomenon. But when it comes to the perfect amalgamation of sport, color, pageantry and pure wonder, nothing touches college football. Not even bacon. 

            So, the idea of a fall without a full slate of college games is almost horrifying. As we approach the point in the year when true fans begin counting the days until the season opener and are watching rebroadcasts of games from the previous season – even those involving MAC teams – there is the real possibility that the 2020 campaign will be far different than any in history – if it happens at all.

            As states move to “re-open” during the coronavirus pandemic, some gradually and others less carefully, there is considerable discussion and debate about what will be happening on college campuses beginning in August. The recent evacuation of schools and the ensuing “remote learning” model produced varied results. Many kids spent more time on their phones than actually paying attention to the professor, and some classes were victims of pranks that included the screen sharing of porn. That got extra credit in a course at Arizona State. But the one thing that was universal was the end of most, if not all, non-academic activities, including athletics, and most notably the NCAA Tournament. There was just too much danger to all involved to keep playing basketball – along with spring sports like baseball, lacrosse, softball and tennis. So, the seasons ended. Make no mistake: This was extremely difficult for the athletes, who watched months of preparation evaporate in a COVID-19 cloud. 

            The cancellation of March Madness meant significant financial hardship for a lot of athletic departments and the NC2A, but the elimination of an entire college football season could have a crippling financial impact that leads to program cuts and the elimination of sports at some schools all together. Most schools do not have rainy-day funds for their athletic departments. Instead, they chose to make sure their Xanadu-like football buildings had barbershops and beach volleyball courts. As a result, schools are already chopping programs, blaming the lack of activity for the actions, instead of using the usual excuse that women’s sports precipitated the decision. It’s always amusing to see a school like Central Michigan, which had $25.2 million of its $33.6 million athletic budget provided by the institution – an indication that it was losing big money on just about everything, especially football – axe indoor and outdoor track and field in order to keep alive a football team that attracts paltry crowds, which are aided by huge outlays of free tickets. So, there are some serious things to consider when making the decision to hold a season.

            A series of protocols is already being instituted on some campuses. Locker rooms could be coated in germ-fighting particles from a fogging machine. Players will be required to follow strict behavioral procedures from the moment they enter the football building until the time they leave – and then will be strongly encouraged to engage in exemplary social distancing practices the rest of the day.

            And that doesn’t even begin to cover what needs to happen on the field in order to keep players (and coaches, student managers, trainers and staff) safe while still preparing a team to play games.

            Let’s begin with the most difficult part of all this: getting 18-to-22-year olds to follow the rules all the time. El Hombre may be getting older (shaddup!) but he remembers his days back at Oxford, and he didn’t always do what he was supposed to. And as he spends time educating and advising today’s college students, he is learning that not much has changed. No matter how socially conscious they may be, they aren’t about to become strict adherents to the regulations. If they can get away with something, they will. So, imagining that a group of college kids is going to stay away from weekend ragers at the notorious apartment complex or frat house and not engage in a little up-close, hand-to-gland combat with a fellow student at the end of the night is naïve. 

            Because of that, it is vital that colleges put the health of their students foremost when it comes to athletics, as well as the decision to open campuses in the first place. Students are simply not going to do what they are told all the time when no one is looking. It’s one thing for a young person to contract the coronavirus and another for one to die from it. That would be a tragedy – as well as a liability nightmare. (An aside: University general counsels are already working on complicated waivers to limit their exposure.) Since we know from the medical experts that an infected person can spread the virus to many others, including older, more vulnerable folks who are more susceptible to developing more serious symptoms, there are even greater concerns than the student body. 

            The upshot? No matter how well the plans go – on and off the fields – an outbreak on campus or around it could send the whole thing into the hopper and force the entire community back into their homes and onto the computers again. Perhaps it’s good that pro sports are trying to get rolling again. They can provide the laboratories necessary to find out what works and what doesn’t. It’s not quite as unseemly when someone getting paid millions gets sick, versus a 19-year old backup offensive tackle – although it’s not good in any circumstance.

            Whatever happens, this is a risky experiment. Schools will take precautions. Coaches and medical staff will preach proper behavior. There will be screening and tracking and testing. And Saturday night at the Manor Hall Apartments, a tray full of Jell-O shots could undo it all. 

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            EL HOMBRE SEZ: There has been a decided lack of action at NFL team complexes, thanks to the suspension of OTAs and mini-camps, but plenty is going on off the field, as the recent spate of player arrests proves. First, Chiefs cornerback Bashaud Breeland was arrested in late April for drug possession and other alleged crimes. Then, DeAndre Baker and Quinton Dunbar were nabbed for allegedly robbing fellow partygoers at gunpoint. A couple days later, Cody Latimer was charged with assault and illegal discharge of a firearm. Saturday night Ed Oliver was picked up on suspicion of DUI and unlawfully carrying a weapon. With nothing to do, players are finding new “outlets” for their energies, not the best news for the NFL, which might have to bring everybody back to team facilities, just to make sure it can fill out its rosters this season…Rubenesque pitcher Bartolo Colon has said he wants to spend one more season in the big leagues. If the 47-year old Colon, who last pitched with Texas in 2018, can’t find a spot on an MLB roster, he will return to his current job as a barbecue inspector…There is big news from the world of cutthroat college cheerleading. Powerhouse Kentucky, which has won 24 of the last 35 national titles, has fired its coaching staff and advisors after reports of hazing and drunken parties with public nudity surfaced. In a quickly released statement, new Iona coach and one-time Kentucky boss Rick Pitino denied any responsibility in the matter…Vegas oddsmakers are likely to give the Tampa Bay Rays plenty of love, if baseball returns in early July without fans. The Rays have been playing in that environment at home for several years and should have a huge advantage against teams who play at home in front of more enthusiastic crowds…The left-turn contingent returned to Darlington Sunday and posted some big ratings – a 38 percent increase from NASCAR’s last race, on March 8. The action was scintillating, and Kevin Harvickzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…El Hombre has to admit it was strange watching the golfing matchup Sunday and hearing no one cheering when the players made good shots. It will be even odder if there is no cheering at baseball or basketball games. Some may not like the idea of piped-in crowd noise, but it will definitely add to the experience of watching on TV. And for those of you who blanch at the idea, just watch espn when it shows highlights of a game in which someone on the visiting team does something well, and the crowd “roars.” You’ll find you are quite used to piped-in sound during sporting events…Former Chicago Bulls forward Horace Grant is a little miffed about his portrayal in the Michael Jordan mockumentary “The Last Dance.” How miffed? During a recent radio interview, Grant called Jordan a “snitch.” In a different radio appearance, Grant said he would have “beat [Jordan’s] ass” if he had tried to take food away from Grant on a flight after a game in which Grant hadn’t played particularly well. Looks like MJ is still making pals almost two decades after his retirement from the NBA…A lawsuit filed by an unnamed NFL player accuses United Airlines of not adequately protecting him from unwanted sexual advances and touching by a woman seated in his row during a flight. The player alleges he complained about the woman’s behavior toward him and a friend three times before he was compelled to jump into the aisle and let the entire plane know the woman had grabbed his genitals. The woman was finally moved from his row, and United has already held meetings to determine whether it should change its slogan from “Fly the Friendly Skies” to “You can look, but you better not touch.” 

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            AND ANOTHER THING: Let’s all take a moment to applaud the NFL’s new initiative to spur the hiring of more African-American head coaches and GMs. One of the proposed components of the plan would have rewarded teams that bring aboard black coaches or general managers with a jump of 10 draft spots – in the third round. Wow! Now that’s some serious impetus. Rumor has it the league also considered giving teams one extra timeout – a season – if they diversify. None of that made the final version. The end result of it all was a strengthening of the Rooney Rule, which has been well-intentioned but largely ceremonial since its 2003 creation. Teams that don’t interview two external candidates for the top coaching job and one for the lead personnel position will have the penalty increased from “a stern talking to” to “no dessert for a week.” That will show them. There are some positive initiatives, such as intern programs and training opportunities. But in a league in which 70% of the players are African-American, that isn’t enough, especially when there are only two people of color among the majority owners of NFL teams – one Asian-American, one Pakistani-American – and only three African-American coaches on NFL sidelines. (A fourth minority, Ron Rivera, leads the Washington NFL franchise.) The only way for these numbers to increase is for the league to put into place a concrete rule that has real penalties. For instance, each franchise has 15 years to hire either an African-American head coach or GM. Those who don’t will lose their first-round draft picks for five years. That ought to solve the problem pretty quickly. By hiring more African-American coordinators, assistant GMs and heads of scouting, teams can develop pipelines that produce highly-qualified, experienced candidates who are ready to step in. It will take a real concerted effort and not the lightweight “commitment” the league has shown to this point. Get to work, people. 

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            YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? It’s amusing to hear fans and media speculating that the time off due to the coronavirus epidemic will actually help the Sixers, if the NBA begins playing again. Topping the list of hypotheticals is the assumption that center Joel Embiid will be in excellent physical condition once everybody heads back out onto the hardwood. That has been the most elusive part of his game. Expecting Embiid to have worked out diligently on his own during the league shutdown is a bit foolish. And while the time off no doubt helped guard Ben Simmons’ injured back heal, the fact remains that the Sixers are an imperfect squad with a weak bench and an inability to win on the road. A few months off won’t change that. 

-EH-

DON'T TRUST THE BILLIONAIRES

           When Satan slithered into the Garden of Eden and told Eve the edict against eating fruit from the Tree of Knowledge was fake news, he used a satiny sales pitch designed to create mayhem and consign mankind to thousands of years of sin and abominations like the designated hitter. Old Lucifer was pretty smooth, and he closed the deal by promising Eve that she and Adam would be equals of God if they partook of that outlawed item. When Eve arrived back at the cave, she probably said, “What a nice serpent.” 

            Since then, we humans have been particularly susceptible to the slick come-ons of salespeople, whose job it is to make us buy something that we don’t need, don’t want or can’t afford. Even after we have parted with our hard-earned cash, we still don’t recognize that the person pushing the product upon us is not our friend or confidant. And we recognize less that the company providing the unnecessary item has absolutely no interest in anything other than its P&L statement. 

            Hey, this is America. And capitalism reigns. You want something different? Try Portugal, where the Socialist Party has ruled for several years, and which finished 66^th in the 2019 World Happiness Report (really!), behind Kazakhstan and Uzbekistan, among other garden spots. So, don’t misread this as a call for revolution. El Hombre likes money. Likes new things. And he loves college football, which you sure as heck can’t find where the descendants of Karl Marx hang out. 

            But let’s be careful not to fall for the polished public personae of the uber rich, whose fortunes – if they made them on their own – have come from the ability to convince people to fork it over. Again: Yay, capitalism! They are entitled to their billions, but we as consumers, and in the case of Major League Baseball, as fans, should not take up their causes for them. Someone with one dollar wants two. Someone with $1 billion wants another billion. And someone with a baseball team wants to charge you 20 bucks for a domestic beer. 

            All of which brings us to the ongoing negotiations between players and owners regarding the potential re-starting of the MLB season. Public opinion has already started to move against the Union, which has the nerve to call the proposal to split revenues 50-50 unacceptable and to accuse the Rockefellers of trying to back-door a salary cap at a time when revenues are uncertain and it’s unlikely fans will be back in stadiums this year. 

            Let’s not forget that any return to action will require a heretofore unseen level of testing, tracking and proper behavior to make sure everyone involved is safe. Remember that the amount of testing materials needed is well beyond the available quantities. Couple that with a climate throughout the country in which uncertainty is the only certainty, and you have a gigantic problem to solve before even thinking about how to split up whatever money comes out of this.

            Suppose everyone involved is satisfied that a cry of “Play Ball!” will not be accompanied by a rash of positive tests – hardly a guarantee. Then, it’s time to talk about money. And, as usual, the owners are trying to make fans sympathize with them by painting the players as greedy and out to harm the country by depriving it of a much-needed diversion during this difficult time. What really is happening is that by trying to push the 50-50 split in revenues, the owners are hoping to establish a new rubric for future negotiations, which they hope will result in a salary cap. Should the players agree to this, owners will absolutely try to push for something similar next year, when gate receipts will no doubt be down, thanks to fans’ trepidations about returning to ballparks. It’s not like they will return to the days of the Reserve Clause, when teams controlled the players for the durations of their careers, but don’t think for a second that they won’t take any opportunity they can to control labor costs. And, boy, would they love to have that Reserve Clause back again.

            Now, it’s not easy for fans to feel sympathy for big-league players, especially those making gigantic salaries. Trust El Hombre: Bryce Harper isn’t worrying about how he’s going to pay the mortgage. The median 2019 MLB salary (the point where an equal number of players earn above and below it) was $1.4 million, hardly a subsistence wage. But while the players are making a lot, the owners are making more, no matter how skillfully they manipulate their books to make it seem like they are headed for skid row. The hidden money here is in the franchise values, which continue to climb. Only two teams – Pittsburgh and Miami – lost value in 2019, according to Forbes. All 30 teams are worth at least $1 billion, while 10 years ago, only two were. Forbes has been charting the teams’ worth for 22 years, and the average team has seen an 11% increase each year. Come 2022, when the new, $5.1 billion deal with Fox kicks in, that number should swell even more. Still feel bad for the big-wallet group? 

            In these situations, it helps to remember El Hombre’s Law:

            In battles between millionaires and billionaires, always root for the millionaires.

            We all want sports back. We all want to make our lives as normal as possible. How great would it be to care about managers’ decisions – although with the universal DH, there will be far fewer of those, but that’s a topic for another time – playoff races (let everybody in!) and the vagaries of the shift? But there is some work to do for us to reach the point where someone can throw out a first pitch via Zoom. And as that work is completed, please resist the urge to demonize the players and remember that every smiling owner is hoping you’ll buy his smooth pitch – and a seven-dollar hot dog. 

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            EL HOMBRE SEZ: El Hombre is starved for sports, but even he can’t watch NASCAR, Korean professional baseball or UFC bloodlettings. And isn’t it time for networks to stop marketing 2017 games between mediocre opponents as “classics”? Now on NFL Network: Detroit vs. Arizona in a 2018 showdown for the fifth pick in the Draft! Please. Would it be so hard to replay some games from the ‘70s? Now, those are classics. Everything else is just marketing…The Aquavit-and-double-anchovy-pizza-fueled nightmare of the last two years of Monday Night Football is finally over. espn decided to remove Joe Tessitore and Booger McFarland from the booth and release the hostages, er, viewers from captivity. Tessitore specialized in making a two-yard, first-quarter run off left tackle on second-and-eight sound like V-E Day, and McFarland was the master of banal “analysis.” Any replacement team will be an upgrade…If you haven’t been tuning in to “The Last Dance” on espn, you are missing some quality TV. But don’t be fooled into thinking this is a true documentary. It’s a docudrama produced in conjunction with Michael Jordan designed to paint him as the most competitive person in history and burnish his claim to being the Best Ever. (By the way, anybody who uses “G.O.A.T.” or “The GOAT” ought to lose his or her fan or media card. It’s over. Played out. Stop it.) Enjoy the production, the old footage, Jordan’s majesty, the rare glimpses of how a team works and the bold-print quotations, but remember that it’s a carefully-crafted production and not an unvarnished look at Jordan and the Bulls. (By the way, he was the best ever.)…The Rams finally unveiled their new uniforms, and they are not very good. LA will look like some nondescript college team and will play in off-white road unis the color of a college kid’s undershirts after his first semester. They are way worse than those of their future co-tenants, the Chargers, who absolutely killed it with their ginned-up retro designs…If the NBA re-starts, try to imagine the excitement that will come when league bottom-feeders like the Knicks and Cavs square off. In that case, it will be good that no fans have to cough up any ticket money. If the league does come back, its biggest question won’t be what to do about the playoffs but how to make sure fans don’t hear the curses spewed by angry coaches or the trash talk from players in an empty arena. Maybe the league can offer a “premium” package that allows fans full access to the profanity. If that happens, El Hombre is in!

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            AND ANOTHER THING:  Wait. You mean sainted Durham CC head coach Mike Krzyzewski might have fractured a couple rules when he was accumulating class after class of mercenary players over the past several seasons? You mean those five-star recruits weren’t merely attracted to the outstanding educational opportunities and classic Gothic and Georgian architecture on campus? The Dookie apologists have fed us fairy tales that even though just about everybody else in college basketball was offering cash and prizes to get the best of the best, that could never happen in the Blue Devil program, which we have been told is cleaner than a vat of hand sanitizer. But someone might just be tossing some bacteria onto that pristine reputation. Zion Williamson is being sued by his former marketing manager. You remember him, right? He spent about nine months on campus, soaking up all Duke had to offer. And if you believe the former manager, it offered a lot. A bag of cash. A nice house for the parents. The NBA’s New Hope might have to answer some questions – under oath – about whether he was a “professional” when he played for the Blue Devils. Krzyzewski might be deposed, too. Wouldn’t that be wonderful? Of course, it’s most likely just a dream. Someone will broker a settlement before anybody sits in front of an inquisitive lawyer. And then Duke can go back to getting the players nobody else can by not doing what everybody else is. 

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            YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? On the surface, the Eagles’ draft made sense. The team needed more speed, so it drafted a bunch of fast guys. Last year’s Super Bowl teams were the two fastest in the NFL, so the philosophy is sound. But there is track fast and football fast. Those are two different things. Bob Hayes had both. So did Willie Gault. But it’s unlikely the 2016 400-meter relay Olympic gold medal team was packed with guys who could get away from press coverage. This year’s draft produced maybe one player – first-round receiver Jalen Reagor – who could end up starting this year, and that’s just because the Birds’ receiving corps is a disaster. Would that make the draft a success? Not quite. As for Jalen Hurts, the question isn’t whether his joining the team will offend oft-injured Carson Wentz. It’s whether Hurts can play quarterback in the NFL. He wasn’t ever considered a first-round talent, so it makes sense that he is best suited as a good backup on a good team. Since GM Howie Roseman was so determined to draft a bunch of developmental players, he probably wouldn’t have chosen a starter in the second round anyway. That makes the Hurts choice relatively reasonable. It’s obvious Roseman thinks the current roster is good enough to contend. That’s extremely questionable and should be the basis for assessing his job performance in 2020.

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            ONE FOR THE ROAD: Rick Pitino has moved into his office in New Rochelle, NY, to take over the program at Iona, which must be run by people who can’t read. Pitino has been twisting NCAA recruiting rules into disfigured heaps since he was helping players get used cars back in ’77 at Hawaii. He left Louisville a couple years back after his “assistants” were staging stripper parties for recruits and shoe company “representatives” were promising six-figure payments to prospects. All without Ricky P’s knowledge. Right. El Hombre sat across from Pitino once and heard him negotiate the price of a used car for a family member. He took 25 minutes. Wanted to make sure every detail was handled. All for a $10,000 automobile. Yet, he didn’t pay enough attention to his program to know about the malfeasance. Please. Iona has sold its institutional virtue in return for some basketball wins. Meanwhile, Louisville is sweating out an NC2A letter of allegations regarding the violations committed while Pitino is in charge. On the surface, it appears unfair that those left behind get hammered for the misdeeds of those already gone, but remember that the Louisville president and board approved Pitino’s hiring. They knew what he was about. And they approved it anyway. (Side note: Pitino should be banned from coaching for two lifetimes, just in case he converts to Hinduism and gets another go-round.) Sure, the school fired Pitino, his assistants, the AD and anybody else it could, in an attempt to ward off any NC2A penalties. But it also hired Pitino in the first place. And that wasn’t too smart. 

                                                                 -EH-

TIME TO SHUT DOWN THE SAUSAGE FACTORY

            By this point, it shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone that colleges and universities across the country will do just about anything to preserve their athletic departments and the sports that provide financial support for them. Penn State lined up behind Joe Paterno after he enabled Jerry Sandusky to abuse and molest countless young boys. Michigan State let Larry Nassar terrorize scores of girls. And most recently, Ohio State kept Pope Urban VI on the payroll even after it was evident that he bore false witness, obfuscated and destroyed evidence in attempts to cover up the fact that he knowingly kept a spouse abuser on his staff.

            If that can all go on, then nobody should be surprised that the Board of Regents at Maryland didn’t fire D.J. Durkin despite a report that painted him as unable to exercise the necessary leadership and oversight for the Terrapin football program, a deficit that led to the death of Jordan McNair over the summer. After a ridiculously long period of “investigation”, the best the school could do was issue a mea culpa for not providing enough support for Durkin, as if he were some rube brought in to take over the program against his will and with no prior experience on a college coaching staff.

            The Board’s decision to keep Durkin as coach was preposterous and clearly demonstrated the university’s unwillingness to sacrifice some football prosperity – Maryland enters Saturday’s game against Michigan State 5-3, with its only impressive win coming over Texas back on Sept. 1 – to do the right thing for McNair’s family and its students. It took school president Wallace Loh, after meeting with campus leaders and absorbing the scathing criticism from political leaders and media outlets, to do the right thing and send Durkin away.

            This was a classic lack of leadership by the regents, who now have no credibility whatsoever and can’t possibly govern the school with any legitimate authority moving forward. Their mistake was a dagger to the heart of the McNair family and a tone-deaf attempt to preserve the football program at the expense of a young man who had been maltreated during conditioning and whose care post-collapse was amateurish at best and horribly negligent at worst. Compounding the disrespect was the Board’s decision not to fire members of the training staff who were responsible for the shoddy medical work.

            Thursday night, Board chair James Brady announced his resignation, bringing a sliver of honor to a body that had none. He cited his presence’s being a detriment to the forward progress of the university.         

            What a perceptive guy.

            The bigger issue here is not whether Maryland will continue to attract applications, fill its basketball arena and keep challenging for mediocre bowl berths. Like the Sandusky tragedy, during which the victims were often overlooked in PSU’s desire to preserve its institution and football reputation, the victim here is Jordan McNair, his family, friends and teammates. It’s not Durkin. It’s not the institution. McNair is gone, and as Maryland tries to figure out its next steps, people must remember what happened and hold the school and every other institution of higher learning to a far higher standard than we have in the past.

            It’s fashionable to refer to college sports as “a sausage factory”, in an attempt to excuse behind-the-scenes dealings while we enjoy the finished product. That can happen no more, and the four instances described here are the primary exhibits why.

            (We can also include the death of the Notre Dame student manager who was sent 60 feet into the air to videotape football practice during a storm. ND fought to avoid any release of documents relevant to the irresponsible decision and received little criticism in the wake of the tragedy.)

            Every school in the country, and particularly those who are using big-time athletics to burnish their reputations, promote their institutions and boost fundraising efforts, must establish protocols to insure there is never another episode like McNair’s death. They must hire administrators and coaches who truly care about players, rather than bottom lines or wins and losses – and do the same things themselves. It’s great fun to be associated with a successful program, but it’s even better for the college if those participating in the games have good experiences. There can be no other way.

            Durkin and his staff failed McNair and his family. They cared little for the young man’s condition and that led to his death. That cannot be disputed. Their actions showed their true feelings. That the Board decided Durkin should stay on shows how completely skewed the approach to college athletics has become – at Maryland and on a greater scale. Which set of administrators has the courage to change things? Who will declare an end to the insanity? Let’s hope those people step forward quickly, before another “hard-charging” coach produces the next catastrophe.

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            EL HOMBRE SEZ: Coach Squints’ oakLLLLLLLand raiders team sure looks like a nuclear waste facility. Yet, old Squints is talking about building championships and how many players want to come play for him. The franchise’s pending move to Vegas could be one of the worst bets ever made in the city…As much fun as it is to watch the Rams’ offense, New Orleans’ new commitment to defense and Kansas City’s wide-open attack, El Hombre is beginning to get that New England will win Super Bowl LIII. Captain Hoodie and his minions have figured things out and will continue their roll Sunday night against the Packers…Despite the best efforts of the NBA’s propaganda partners to convince us the Lakers are a team worth watching, the early returns on LeBron’s redshirt season aren’t pretty. L.A. is 3-5 and looks ordinary. Worse, the team isn’t that entertaining. If you are looking for something different, check out Denver, the Bucks and Toronto, who won’t get much love from the promotional folks but who play fun ball…R.I.P. Stretch McCovey…R.I.P. Paul “Dr. Z” Zimmerman…R.I.P. Frank Litsky.

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            YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? The Birds followed up their epic choke job against the Panthers with a must-win over Jacksonville, raising their record to 4-4 and showing the good citizens of London what they might expect should Jags owner Shahid Khan consent to let the NFL move his team there. Tuesday, the Eagles rented wideout Golden Tate for the remainder of the season in return for a third-round draft pick, a solid move for an “all-in” franchise. The only problem is that thanks to the loss to Carolina and a previous Heimlich-necessary performance against the Titans, it’s unlikely the Eagles will be getting a first-round bye or homefield advantage beyond the opening weekend of the playoffs – provided they can win the NFC East. Tate might help the offense, which isn’t scoring like it did last year, but the real progress this team needs is on D, where the front four still isn’t getting enough pressure without blitz help, and the secondary continues to flounder at times. Injuries have been a factor, for sure, but this team just doesn’t have the same spark it did last season.

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            AND ANOTHER THING: If that wasn’t the most boring post-season in MLB history, it is certainly close to the top of the list. The World Series was drab, and even the seventh game of the NLCS seemed like a mid-June matchup. El Hombre had a chance to speak with former pitcher Rick Sutcliffe last week, and even he says the game is getting boring for a lot of people. Strikeouts outpace hits. The shifts are robbing hitters of chances to get on base. And fire-breathing bullpens make comebacks almost impossible. Sutcliffe’s solution? Lower the mound. They did it after the historically futile 1968 season, and it may be time to do it again. In fact, he says he’ll be surprised if it isn’t mandated before the 2019 season. And, remember, this is a pitcher talking. While the NBA cashes in on drama, and the NFL continues to dominate the sporting landscape, baseball’s fan base is graying, and the sport is offering precious little for young viewers. The 2018 TV ratings were the third lowest ever, and the only reason they weren’t the worst was that Boston and L.A. have big brand names. Something better be done before the MLB starts really bleeding.

-EH-

NBA ACTION IS FANTASTIC -- AND MORE LIKE A REALITY SHOW THAN EVER

            With his cleanly-shorn bullet head and professorial – though certainly genial – countenance, Adam Silver hardly looks like a man capable of presiding over a professional sports league that has more in common with the “Real Housewives” franchise than it does with, say, the NFL.

            But during his tenure as NBA commissioner, Silver – along with behaving far less smugly than former boss Uncle David Stern – has accomplished the admirable feat of building on the sport’s roots of celebrating its players’ personalities and creating a year-long chaos built on its biggest stars’ free-agent dalliances, intra-squad and inter-league beefs, an orgy of highlights and superteam constructs that have transformed the NBA from a winter/spring pastime into a phenomenon that has captivated a highly-desirable advertising demographic.

            As it enters the 2018-19 season, the Association, as the hip hoophead cognoscenti call it, has created a business model that has other leagues quite envious. Instead of focusing on the competition, which gets less compelling each season, thanks to the astounding disparity between the league’s one-percenters and its great unwashed, the NBA concentrates almost entirely on personality and spectacle. It has advanced to the point where game reports by propaganda partners center exclusively on the individual achievement, rather than final score. If The Unibrow happens to go for 36, 15 and nine, nobody cares whether his team lost by 20. It’s all about him, and therefore the NBA is all about the highlight.

            It’s genius, really. At a time when the 25-to-42 crowd cares less about who won the game than who won the social media post, the NBA is serving up 365 days of on and off-court fodder suitable for liking, retweeting and sharing. Nobody cares about the standings, particularly if they have the misfortune of rooting for the Magic or Kings. Instead, they want to know who got posterized, which star will team with LeBron in L.A. next season and whether Jimmy Butler actually beat up on the T-wolves’ starters with three custodians and the team chaplain. It’s the perfect approach to the sporting world at a time when people sneer at substance, and the entire country has been Kardashianized.

            With that in mind, El Hombre presents his gala NBA preview.

            We Try Harder: The sharpies in Vegas (and everywhere else) are so convinced Golden State will win it all again that they don’t want to lay any money at all on the NBA champion’s identity. Go ahead and throw 100 bucks on the Sixers at 14:1. You might as well invest in that seltzer company that has cockroach insecticide in it. With so many people convinced the Warriors will take the trophy, espn will have to work like crazy to make the regular season seem exciting by overpromoting rookies, saturating the airwaves with ordinary dunks and generally manufacture enough drama to make folks forget that the season’s outcome has already been determined.

            Boogie Man: We may not see DeMarcus Cousins suit up in a game for the Warriors until the playoffs, although it would behoove Golden State to spend some time blending the talented – but troubled – center into the rotation during the regular season. One can only imagine Dubs coach Steve Kerr’s sounding a loud horn every time Cousins acts up during practice and reminding him that the franchise could ship his backside to Brooklyn or some other NBA outpost if he doesn’t behave. If he does…look out! Golden State could well go undefeated during the post-season.

            Redshirt Season: LeBron James is going to play this season – and play a lot of minutes. But since the Lakers have zero chance of winning the 2019 NBA title, James will no doubt throttle back the engines a bit and wait until next year, when Random Superstar Sidekick decides to take $38 million per to join James in a quest to knock off Golden State. Meanwhile, we can all enjoy the crazy show that will unfold in L.A. as wild cards Rajon Rondo, Lance Stephenson, JaVale McGee and Michael Beasley join LBJ and the Kids in one of the most unusual roster aggregations in recent NBA history.

            (L)Eastern Conference: The NBA’s junior circuit should be fun, so long as “fun” is defined as watching six of the league’s nine worst teams bumbling across the court every night. It’s too bad Boston, Toronto and Philadelphia can’t just play a season-long round robin so that we can avoid anything involving the Hawks, Knicks, Nets or Magic. Chicago and Cleveland don’t look too good, either. And the only reason Detroit, Charlotte and Miami are likely to reach the playoffs is that the league mandates that eight teams from each conference qualify. Sure, Giannis Antetokounmpo will be fun to watch, and Victor Oladipo is pretty darn good, too. But at least two Western teams that could be five seeds in the East won’t make the post-season.

            Whither the Spurs? Everybody’s favorite curmudgeon and Soviet history buff, Gregg Popovich, is back in San Antonio – and is also the new leader of the USA Basketball on-court effort – but he doesn’t have Kawhi Leonard, Tony Parker or Manu Ginobili. Oh, and projected starting point guard Dejounte Murray tore his ACL during the pre-season. Pau Gasol isn’t close to what he was. LaMarcus Aldridge is a third option on a good team, and DeMar DeRozan has to be wondering where it all went wrong. Looks like the most interesting thing about the Spurs this season will be whether Popovich gets even crankier during in-game interviews. 

            Summer Love: It will all lead up to this: Who goes where in free agency or blockbuster trades next summer. That is what the NBA has become – a great bit of reality-show theater during the off-season that is infinitely more interesting than 95% of the games during the regular and post-seasons. NBA fans will be heard asking throughout the coming months, “Is it July 1 yet?”

            And Do Not Forget: TNT analyst Jeff Van Gundy said it well during the New Orleans-Houston game Wednesday night. While discussing point man Elfrid Payton, who joined the Pelicans during the off-season, Van Gundy said, “We have to see if he can win.” The reference was to Payton’s previous four season, which were spent with (mostly) Orlando and Phoenix, two of the league’s worst teams. The NBA is packed with guys who can put up numbers, but only a small percentage of them can play winning basketball. Avoid the hype of those who want to make the league look exciting and focus on people who do things to make teams successful, rather than boosting their statistics. There is a huge difference.

            The Picks: Your division winners: Boston, Milwaukee, Charlotte, Oklahoma City, Golden State, Houston. The conference finals: Boston over Tronno; Golden State over OK City. Finals: Golden State over Boston…in six.

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            EL HOMBRE SEZ: A moment of silence, please, for Paul Allen, who died Oct. 15. Allen changed our world forever when he co-founded Microsoft with childhood pal Bill Gates and was a model pro franchise owner. It is a tribute to his low-key approach to his roles with the NFL Seahawks and NBA Trailblazers that few people knew he held the paper on the teams. Allen stayed out of the way and let the professionals do their jobs, a philosophy other owners should embrace…While the NFL is pushing video-game offense, and the NBA is promoting its stars, Majoke League Baseball is torturing fans with 4-hour, 33-minute post-season games that end after 1 a.m. Eastern. This is no way to promote your sport, people. While commissioner Rob Manfred contemplates the idea of ruining the National League by instituting the DH there, the sport gets less and less watchable. Clueless…Anybody who criticizes Ohio State defensive end Nick Bosa for surrendering the rest of his college season to prepare for the NFL Draft is an idiot. Bosa sustained a severe core muscle tear earlier this season, and though it has been repaired, he would be threatening his number-one-pick status if he plays. Bosa has made a business decision, and just about anybody else in his position would have done the same thing. If he were to get hurt, he could cost himself millions. And lest you are tempted to bust out the “he owes Ohio State” argument, shut your trap. He doesn’t owe the Buckeyes anything. He helped them win – and profit. It’s time for him to do the same thing.

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            YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? The Eagles earned a much-needed win over the fetid Giants and Eli Waning last week, and that stopped the fan base from sinking into the kind of depression reserved recently for Phillies GM Matt Klentanalytics’ personnel decisions. (Hey, why not add a couple years to Carlos Santana’s contract, Matt?) But anybody who thinks the Super Bowl Express is loading up on Platform B is delusional. Injuries in the secondary make the Birds particularly vulnerable at a time when the league is pushing points the way Nino Brown and the CMB slung crack in NYC during the ‘90s. Even if Jason Peters can play through his torn biceps, he is still struggling, along with other members of the O-line. (El Hombre is talking to you, Isaac Seumalo.) The Eagles lack playmakers and are having trouble getting pressure on the QB with their front four, something that contributed mightily to last year’s Super win. With games against Carolina and Jacksonville – neither of which looked great last week – looming, it’s time to build momentum and improve a number of areas.

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            AND ANOTHER THING: You have to love the recent comments of Mike Krzyzewski, head coach of Durham CC, about the ongoing trial that is revealing some of the seedier facts about college basketball’s already-slimy recruiting business. Krzyzewski said that the revelations were just “a blip” and didn’t really matter. Perhaps he’s right. Maybe what we are learning is just a refresher course, because the college sports world is such a cesspool that we shouldn’t be surprised if a school gave the Taj Mahal to a five-star recruit. Then again, this could be just the latest example in a long line that the man who once excoriated John Calipari for recruiting players who wouldn’t be on campus more than nine or 10 months and then gathered as many of them as he could himself is the most sanctimonious and arrogant person in the sport. The way to fix it all: Eliminate “live” recruiting periods during spring and summer months. College coaches may only connect with their high school counterparts – during the season. That might rid the game of some of the shoe bandits, AAU hustlers, crazy uncles, agent runners and other unsavory characters that populate the recruiting universe.

-EH-   

EVERYBODY'S FAVORITE MONTH

            Ah, October. The Christmas-industrial complex would like you to think December is the most wonderful time of the year. And the office supply companies make a good point – for parents of young children, at least – that late August/early September holds that distinction. But sports fans know the real story. It’s October. Forget Halloween. How about all four major sports – and soccer – playing at the same time? Throw in college football, and you have a cornucopia that would make a Thanksgiving table blush.

            But as great as it is to have basketball and hockey starting, and everybody knows fall Sundays (and Mondays and Thursdays, for that matter) are nothing without the NFL, the real magic of the 10^th month of the calendar comes on the diamond, when after 162 games (163 this year), we finally get to watch baseball that really means something. We spend six months complaining about shifts and four-hour games and pitch counts and A-Rod, and then we get the Real Thing.

            Anybody who has spent one inning watching a favorite team engaged in playoff baseball, or better yet World Series action, knows just how compelling it can be. The drama of practically every pitch and the growing excitement of each ensuing inning are as delicious as sports can get. It no longer matters whether the game takes two hours or five, so long as your heart can handle the excitement.

            When those Philadelphia Phillies were on their five year run earlier this century, El Hombre basked in the anticipation of every game, thrilled to the contests themselves and then relished the opportunity to recount the result, no matter if it was a thrilling victory or a crushing defeat. Watching games that matter in the cold, the rain or whatever – rather than those bone-stabbing April meteorological catastrophes – with everything on the line, is as delicious as sports get.

            Sure, baseball has its problems. There are way too many strikeouts. A parade of relief pitchers means the late innings of games have become arduous exercises for fans. The ever-growing analytics craze has turned baseball from a pastime into a math bee. And the Orioles were allowed to play 162 games this year.

            All is forgiven once the post-season rolls around. Even the crankiest fans (shaddup!) don’t moan about long games, particularly if they are taut contests. Seeing red-white-and-blue bunting throughout stadiums conjures images of days of yore, when baseball players had nicknames like The Splendid Splinter and The Iron Horse.

            Lest El Hombre be accused of rank sentimentality, allow him to celebrate the fact that the Yankees and Red Sawx will square off in an ALDS series beginning Friday, and that means one of them will be eliminated before the LCS round. This is a very good thing, simply because it removes one of the most obnoxious fan bases in all of sports from the post-season reasonably early.

            Meanwhile: Here is how the post-season will break down, now that we have dispensed with the one-game elimination nonsense:

            NLDS: Dodgers over Braves; Brewers over Rockies. This is L.A.’s sixth straight division title, so there is no shortage of post-season experience on the roster. And while Atlanta has had a remarkable season and laid a terrific foundation for the future, the youngsters just won’t be able to get it done. Milwaukee gets the nod because of its outstanding bullpen and improved defense. Oh, yeah. That Christian Yelich character is pretty good, too. (P.S. This was written on Thursday, early afternoon. Really.)

            ALDS: Red Sox over Yankees; Astros over Indians. Talk about two good series. The Boston-New York set-to could be a classic, as both teams try to score 10 a game. The edge for Boston comes in the starting pitching, although it’s entirely possible either David Price or Rick Porcello (or both) could implode. Cleveland has spent the past 150 games trying to get its rotation set for the playoffs, thanks to the other members of the AL Central’s overall fetid play. But even though the Tribe hasn’t been tested, it will be a formidable foe for the defending champs. But Houston has too much, especially in a five-game series, to be bumped off.

            NLCS: Brewers over Dodgers. That’s right, folks. Bernie the Brewer will be hitting the Splash Zone frequently in what should be a fascinating series. The Dodgers have plenty of power, but Milwaukee has a lot of everything, including hirsute lights-out closer Josh Hader, he of the microscopic WHIP and obscene 15.8 strikeouts/nine innings.

            ALCS: Red Sox over Astros. Last year, Houston earned the win over Boston, but that changes this year, thanks to those potent Carmine Hose bats. It’s tough to knock off the titleholders, but the BoSox have had a remarkable season, and the fun continues, even if Justin Verlander pitches three times for the south Texans.

            World Series: Red Sox over Brewers. The Milwaukee franchise – which started in Seattle as the Pilots, by the way – has never won a world title in its 49 previous seasons, and it won’t at the half-century mark, either. This is the year for the Red Sox, and despite Yelich, Hader and the rest of the Crew, they won’t have enough to derail the close to an historic season. Get ready for more chowdery celebrations. Ugh.

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            EL HOMBRE SEZ: That was quite a strong showing by the U.S. in the Ryder Cup last weekend. Let’s recount the fun: Patrick Reed was steamed at captain Jim Furyk for not pairing him with his pal Jordan Spieth. Brooks Koepka and Dustin Johnson decided to go all big-time wrestling on each other at a party. And Phil Mickelson and Eldrick Woods weren’t exactly sur le feu during the proceedings in Paris. Way to represent, fellas…The NHL is underway, and the biggest early-season storyline will be whether the ice will melt in arenas around the country as temps outdoors in a lot of places hit 80 degrees and above. Oh, yeah, there will be some skating, hitting and lost teeth. It will all add up to the NHL’s dream: a Stanley Cup finals series between Winnipeg and Tampa Bay. Predicted TV ratings outside of the two cities? Think John Blutarsky’s grade-point average…New York J-E-T-S running back Isaiah Crowell feigned wiping his bottom with the football after scoring a TD against Cleveland in a Thursday night game. Instead of his filthy display’s drawing outrage, it has brought an endorsement deal from something called Dude Wipes, a “toilet paper substitute for men”. In the old days, that was either leaves or newspaper. This could start quite a trend in the NFL. For instance, Seahawks’ safety Earl Thomas’ one-fingered salute after his injury last Sunday could land him a commercial opportunities with a company making foam fingers. And the Cardinals could get some extra dough promoting toxic waste, which resembles their play this year.

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            THE WORLD-WIDE DECEIVER: It’s too early to pass definitive judgment on espn’s new Monday Night Football crew, but a few things stand out about “Tess”, “Boog” and “Witt”, like say the fact that they all call each other stupid nicknames. Then there is play-by-play man Joe Tessitore’s breathless description of every single play. By shouting each time the ball is snapped, “Tess” has inured us to his enthusiasm, so that if something really exciting happens, we won’t be able to discern it from a routine, first-quarter, two-yard gain on second-and-nine. We get that espn must promote the league, but there is no reason to create a bombastic soundtrack. He should just stick to the basics, like following the network’s edict to convince everyone Patrick Mahomes is better than Tom Brady.

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            YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? It’s way too early for Eagles fans to start worrying about whether their beloved team will be able to make a serious run at another Super Bowl – or even make the playoffs – but Sunday’s belly-flop against Tennessee wasn’t confidence-inspiring. The defensive backfield was fricasseed by a pass offense that hadn’t exactly been tearing up, and the offensive line protected QB Carson Wentz as if he were made of granite, instead of coming off a serious knee injury. The buzzword this week about the team is “urgency”, especially with the Vikings coming to town after a shootout loss in L.A. A 2-2 record is hardly reason for panic, but the narrative surrounding the team’s pass defense is not good, especially since it has made Ryan Fitzpatrick and Marcus Mariota look like Joe Montana and Johnny Unitas this season. And let’s not forget that the win over Indy wasn’t exactly overwhelming. The Eagles must get better in a couple important areas, or they will be sitting home in January, and last year’s championship glow will have faded considerably. Nothing is guaranteed. Just ask Seattle.

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            AND ANOTHER THING: El Hombre is shocked – shocked! – to learn that college basketball recruits were being paid to attend specific schools and that said institutions of higher learning may have actually known about the stipends. What’s next, someone is going to say that jai alai is fixed? The hand-wringing over the evidence that is certain to emerge during the trial of Jim Gatto will be great theater, but let’s face it, folks, big-time NC2A basketball is a filthy cesspool that features more unsavory characters than an Elmore Leonard novel. (At least those folks are somewhat charming.) Street agents, greedy AAU coaches, crazy uncles, shoe company representatives and everybody short of the Hell’s Angels is trying to get some of the action. Anybody who is surprised by what is revealed in the coming months ought to stick to watching “Andy Griffith Show” reruns or at least turn to something else that is more wholesome, like politics.

-EH-