Let Manny Play

EL HOMBRE KNOWS SPORTS

Back when the BALCO Bonds Traveling Medicine Show was rolling into big-league parks, Dodgers fans used to rage (as much as anybody from L.A. can rage) about the lab creation’s steroid-infused body. They couldn’t believe how those rubes up the coast could support such a human abomination. Bonds was a walking, slugging example of the game’s performance-enhancing drug problem, and the Giants fans who rooted for him were head-in-the-sand rubes who would have begged for a curtain call from Stalin had he ever hit a game-winning home run for their diamond heroes.

The anger was exacerbated by the teams’ rivalry, which was born in New York and moved west in the early 1960s. It was fueled by Juan Marichal’s use of John Roseboro’s head as a piñata, numerous pennant-race showdowns and the natural NoCal-SoCal antagonism. But Los Angelinos, like most other MLB outposts, ridiculed the Giants for their support of one of the sporting world’s biggest cheaters.

Funny how things change. In the most recent All-Star Game balloting, disgraced Dodgers slugger Manny Ramirez is among the top five outfield vote getters and is within striking distance of a starting spot. This despite his 50-game suspension for using a steroid post-cursor/female fertility drug/party starter. Since most baseball fans are nauseated by the latest star player to be gunned down in the P.E.D. mess, it stands to reason that his overwhelming All-Star support is coming from Dodgertown, where fans pine for his return and start Twitter pages counting the days until he can continue his pathological ways on the field and in the clubhouse.

As you might imagine, the whole thing has spawned a cyclone of controversy over whether Ramirez should play in the game if he is elected. Dodgers manager Joe Torre says no, and he insists Ramirez would say the same thing. MLB commissioner Bud Sellout is watching the situation closely, hoping Ramirez doesn’t grab one of the top three spots and force the owners’ toady to take action. Since Sellout is still cleaning syrup out of his hair following his world-class waffling during Bonds’ heinous pursuit of Hank Aaron’s career home-run mark, you can imagine he doesn’t want anything to do with the Ramirez All-Star mess.

Not that there should be any debate on the subject. If Ramirez is elected, he plays. His suspension will be up before the All-Star Game, barring a wrath-of-God style spate of rainouts. (Then again, since God is probably an Angels fan, he might just stick it to the cross-town Dodgers.) That means Ramirez will be eligible to shamble onto the Busch Stadium field in his pajama-style uniform and represent the National League. And he should do it. Ramirez’s presence in the game will remind MLB fans of the sport’s two bigger shams – the steroid disgrace and the ridiculous practice of turning the selection of All-Starters into a popularity contest. You say Ramirez doesn’t deserve a spot in the lineup? Well, get in line, because ever since Majoke League Baseball started the fan balloting system, back in 1970, there have been dozens of unworthy starters. Ramirez just happens to be the latest in a long line.

Every year, worthy performers are pushed to the bench by the whims of the public, most of whom don’t know anything about the players for whom they are voting. A doozy is brewing this year, since as of Tuesday, Seattle’s Ken Griffey, Jr., he of the .222 batting average and six whole homers, was running fourth in the AL outfield voting, just 28,000 ahead of teammate Ichiro Suzuki, one of the game’s best. Should junior warm up a bit and show up on SportsCenter a few times, he could zip past Ichiro as a sentimental favorite, not to mention the choice of fans who still think it’s 1998. So Ramirez doesn’t belong? He has plenty of company.

As for the steroid angle, baseball would be getting what it deserves. Even though Sellout and his apologists try to make it sound as if the Manny suspension proves that the MLB has P.E.D. users on the run, it remains unwilling to confront the issues that have arisen (Hall of Fame eligibility, record-breaking debacles, sport-wide lack of credibility) due to the climate fostered by look-the-other-way owners and a truculent union. Forcing broadcasters to explain the whole mess as Ramirez digs into the batter’s box would be absolutely delicious and what the game deserves. And, should Sellout discover that he indeed has a set and prevents a fan-elected Manny from playing, he will contradict his previous simpering stances on how to deal with drug abusers and appear as if he is grandstanding. Simply put, it’s a win-win for those who are disgusted by the past 15 years of baseball history – except for last year’s glorious Phillies World Championship, of course. If Ramirez plays, it indicts the All-Star balloting sham. If he is banned by Sellout, it will make the commissioner look like a spineless hypocrite who hasn’t had the fortitude to deal with other steroid cheats.

For now, count on two things. First, the Dodgers fans will continue to become the biggest jokes in baseball by rooting for Ramirez on the heels of their boorish behavior in last year’s loss to the Phillies in the NLCS. And Sellout will have an army of lackeys punching out All-Star ballots in the MLB offices, in an attempt to out-vote the Ramirez apologists.

Meanwhile, the Giants fans will continue to pay the price for supporting Bonds by being tortured by a poor team.

Ain’t baseball great?

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EL HOMBRE SEZ: Let’s hope that LeBron James has learned that sending a text message the day after snubbing someone who has defeated you is not good sportsmanship and that being a “competitor” does not prevent one from congratulating your conqueror. More important, especially to Cleveland fans, is that James is entering what could be his final year with the Cavs. He can opt out of his contract next summer, and if GM Danny Ferry doesn’t find someone else to score during the post-season crucible, James will be a Knick faster than you can say “Spike Lee has lost his fastball.”…The NBA Finals begin tonight, and since the league can’t jam the Kobe vs. LeBron angle down our gullets (that sound you hear is Uncle David Stern’s weeping), it will have to settle for choosing the best team on the planet. Horrors! Don’t worry, ABC/espn will try to manufacture a Kobe vs. Dwight Howard rivalry, the better to avoid focusing on the game itself. In case you’re wondering, the Lakers win in six…So, you take performance-enhancing drugs, Danica Patrick? That’s hilarious. Wonder if commentators would have been tougher on you if you didn’t look so good in a swimsuit. Try to think next time you tell a joke…Speaking of jokes, Titans QB Vince Young wants to start or move on to another team. Wait, now his agent says he doesn’t. When you’re a running back under center with little accuracy throwing the ball and have demonstrated some personality issues over the past year, it’s best to keep your mouth shut and work hard. When will professional teams stop believing the hype?...At a time when the home run continues to be celebrated too strenuously, Seattle outfielder Ichiro Suzuki continues his Hall of Fame career. His hitting streak stands at 27 games, and he is on pace to collect 256 hits this year. Ichiro has topped 200 hits in each of his eight big-league seasons, has scored at least 100 runs in all eight and has enough Gold Gloves for each of an octopus’ arms. He won’t reach 3,000 hits, because he didn’t enter the Majors until age 27, but he should be a sure-fire, first-ballot Cooperstown inductee…You have to wonder whether LifeLock, the company that has bought the rights to put its name on the jerseys of the WNBA’s Phoenix Mercury, is long for this world. If you decide to spend your marketing dollars in this economy on a sponsorship deal that no one will see, you could be out of business pretty soon. In other sports business news, the Detroit Lions will now be sponsored by Alpo.

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YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? Morocco Mole checked in Monday with some big news from the World Champion Philadelphia Phillies: He had received an e-mail informing him he could still buy tickets to the sold-out Boston Red Sox series next week! Perhaps even more important is the fact that Yogi Berra is now running the Phillies’ ticket department. Let’s bring in the prosecutor for this one. Mr. Berra, are the games against the Red Sox sold out? “Yes, sir, they are.” Mr. Berra, can fans still get tickets to the sold-out Red Sox series? “Yes, sir, they can.” Prosecution calls Mr. Bud Abbott and Mr. Lou Costello to the stand. Of course, the doublespeak isn’t a mistake. The Mole and other fans can get tickets to the sold-out Red Sox series, provided they purchase tickets to three other games. Teams have been trying to entice fans to get tickets to games against relatively unsavory opponents for years by using the carrot of the opportunity to see more attractive rivals, but the Phillies have raised this to an art form. From February, they declare the games against popular Junior Circuit opposition “sold out,” and then spend months telling you how to get said ducats. The same goes for fireworks night and Salute to Scrapple Night. It’s their right to engage in such business practices, and it’s our right to laugh at them every time they channel their inner Yogi to tell us how to get tickets to sold-out games. Next up in The Mole’s e-mail box: An invitation next week to buy tickets to the sold-out Red Sox series, when the four-pack gimmick fizzles. The real kick in the pants comes the day after the sold-out Red Sox series, when the Phillies offer fans the chance to buy ticket stubs from the sold-out Red Sox Series.

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AND ANOTHER THING: University of Florida president Bernie Machen says Gators football coach Urban Meyer deserves a raise and should be the highest-paid boss in the Southeastern Conference. On the surface, that makes sense. The stoic Meyer has won two national titles in the past three years and is threatening to zoom past The Ol’ Ball Coach in terms of on-field success. (Meyer still doesn’t have a Heisman, though.) If this were three years ago, Machen would be well advised to give Meyer more dough. The trouble is, this is 2009, and UF has sliced $69 million from its budget over the past two years. Last Tuesday, the board of trustees approved another $42.2 million in cuts. Even though Machen argues the athletic department – fueled primarily by money raised by Big Pigskin – has given $6 mil to the school’s academic departments, he would be sending a horrible message to the rest of the university community by giving Meyer more money. And the coach, who already earns $3.25 million per, would look pretty greedy grabbing another three-quarters of a million, when programs, faculty and resources are being hacked away from the school. Worse, Machen’s actions could have a trickle-down effect at another SEC institution, LSU, which is suffering through its own round of cuts. Tigers coach Les Miles is the conference’s top-paid coach, at $3.751 large a year, and has an escalator clause in his contract that keeps him atop the list. So, while students deal with schools that are trimming back academic offerings, the football coaches could be engaging in a game of top-this. Nice job, Bernie. Here’s an idea for your next move: eliminate the Economics department but give Meyer a solid-gold desk.

-EH-