EL HOMBRE KNOWS SPORTS
This was the perfect off-season for the NFL. Attention focused on whether egomaniacal receivers could send 140-character messages to fans during games, if an egomaniacal owner had turned punts into backyard touch football, whether an egomaniacal quarterback would return from his second retirement to satisfy an adoring media’s need to praise him and whether a country filled with highly-flawed people will offer a second chance to a highly-flawed quarterback.
In other words: Plenty of drama, nothing about football.
Tonight, mercifully, that changes – at least somewhat. We’ll still be subjected to the weekly malarkey involving locker room disputes and various other theatrical episodes (the prediction here is that Chad Ochocinco dictates his Twitter postings to a friend in the stands, thereby circumventing the league’s anti-Tweeting rule and forcing an emergency amendment), simply because networks have decided fans don’t care about why the Bills can’t run the football. Mostly, we’ll be able to focus on the on-field action, which is just fine.
Then again, the craziness is kind of fun. So, here is a look at the season ahead, which no doubt will continue to push the NFL beyond the WWE as the nation’s top sports entertainment concern.
Billsh**: It’s a good thing Dick LeBeau has a shot at the Hall of Fame to think about, because if he spends too much time pondering his team, he might ask the bartender for a Red-Bull-and-arsenic. LeBeau had to suffer through a training camp that included Terrell Owens’ injured toe (just the fact that T.O. was there had to be stressful for a throwback like LeBeau) and an offense that was so impotent that Pfizer refused an entreaty to help it. Things were so bad that LeBeau fired offensive coordinator Turk Schonert, triggering a spate of OC beheadings. A season that had promise in the spring now looks like a disaster movie in pre-production. Buffalo opens Monday night in Foxboro and may close more quickly than a crappy Broadway musical.
Mental Health Issues: Back when Al Davis was stalking the Raiders hallways in his trademark white sweatsuit and delighting contrarians by flipping off NFL commissioner Pete Rozelle, he was a maverick and good for a stodgy league. These days, he’s a cartoon character. Worse, his franchise is so poorly run and inept that the UFL would probably deny it entrance. The problem is Davis, who remains wedded to his antediluvian “vertical passing game” and has established new standards for paranoia. It’s time for commissioner Roger Goodell to round up original AFL “Foolish Club” members Ralph Wilson, Barron Hilton and Bud Adams and stage an intervention to remove Davis from the Raiders or risk irreparable (if things haven’t already gone that far) damage to one of the league’s signature franchises.
Disposable Parts: Rodney Harrison is retired. So is Tedy Bruschi. Richard Seymour has been exiled to Oakland (whom did he anger?), and new faces are all over the roster. If you want a true example of how business is conducted successfully in the NFL, look no further than New England, where Bill Belichick discards players when they can no longer serve him. All three players had big roles on the Patriots’ Super Bowl teams, but all are beyond their primes, or in Seymour’s case nearing that point and in the final year of a contract. It might seem cruel, but Belichick is showing how to win by building through the Draft and with key free-agent acquisitions. The Patriots are favored to win the AFC East this year and might take it all, and they’ll do it with a team that hardly resembles its last championship outfit. Seymour isn’t happy to be property of the Al Davis Traveling Circus (he still hasn’t reported for duty), but he has to respect Belichick’s business model, because if Mr. Bundchen stays healthy, the Pats will be darn good again.
QB Follies: It sure was a wild off-season for the NFL’s most important position. Forget about Cowboy Quarterback’s Narcissus imitation and take a look at what went on around the rest of the league. Chicago discovered offense for the first time in decades by trading for petulant Jay Cutler, who pouted his way out of Denver when new coach Josh McDaniel tried to acquire Matt Cassel. Detroit and the Jets gave their starting jobs to a pair of rookies, hoping Mark Sanchez and Matthew Stafford can replicate the ’08 performances of Matt Ryan and Joe Flacco and lead their teams to the playoffs. Or, in the case of the Lions, win a game. Cleveland coach Eric Mangini staged a months-long, super-secret battle for the starting job between Brady Quinn and Derek Anderson (Quinn won – shhhhh!). San Francisco chose Shaun Hill over Alex Smith and Nuclear Waste, Oakland decided JaMarcus Russell’s tender psyche couldn’t handle having hyperkinetic Jeff Garcia around to provide competition and try to run onto the field every time Russell got hit, and Michael Vick returned from the joint to run the wishbone in Philly.
New Sheriff In Town: There are new coaches in New York, St. Louis, Tampa Bay, Kansas City, Detroit, Cleveland, Monte Carlo, Beverly Hills, London, Paris, Rome and Gstaad. In other words, forget about the thorny-crested whippoorwill. The most endangered species in America is the NFL coach. Some of the new guys are brash, like Buddy Ryan’s spawn, Rex. Others are low-key, like Indy’s Jim Caldwell. No matter what their personalities, each has one thing in common: Either win in three years or start looking for a coordinator’s job somewhere else.
How It Shakes Out: When forecasting the NFL, it’s best to expect the unexpected. In other words, all but the Lions and Raiders are in play when it comes to the playoff picture. So, here goes. NFC East – Giants; NFC North – Packers; NFC South – Falcons; NFC West – Seahawks; NFC Wild Cards – Vikings, Eagles. AFC East – Patriots; AFC North – Steelers; AFC South – Colts; AFC West – Chargers; AFC Wild Cards – Ravens, Titans.
Wild Card Playoffs, NFC: Eagles over Packers; Seahawks over Vikings; AFC: Ravens over Colts; Steelers over Titans. Divisional Playoffs, NFC: Falcons over Eagles; Giants over Seahawks; AFC: Patriots over Titans; Chargers over Ravens. Conference Championship, NFC: Giants over Falcons; AFC: Chargers over Patriots.
Super Bowl: Chargers over Giants.
* * *
EL HOMBRE SEZ: It’s one thing to provide support for someone else. It’s another to become a buffoon. Ohio State QB Terrell Pryor’s explanation of why he is on Michael Vick’s side in the QB’s return to the NFL was buffoonery at its lowest. To wit: “Not everyone is the perfect person in the world. Everyone does – kills people, murders people, steals from you, steals from me. I just feel that people need to give him a chance.” Sounds like the Ethics Department at OSU should be trying to get Pryor as a teaching assistant. What a bonehead…Allen Iverson says “God chose Memphis” as the team for him this year. Of course, the Almighty had some help from the other 29 teams, none of whom would touch the aging, ball-hogging gunner with Marcin Gortat (a seven-foot Pole)…Let’s hear it for Kaleb Eulls, who disarmed a girl who was waving a gun on a school bus last week, saving 22 students from a possible tragedy. Eulls, who has committed to play football at Mississippi State next year, deserves the kind of hero-worship usually reserved for on-field success. His tackle of the girl was the most important takedown of the season…Alabama will reportedly pay football coach Nick Saban $4.7 million a year over the next nine years, as part of an agreement reached earlier this week. Funds will be raised for the contract extension by selling common sense to those who think this is a good idea.
* * *
YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? Phillies manager Charlie Manuel practically cried after Wednesday night’s win over the Nationals while describing how tough it was for him to remove Brad Lidge from the game when the human kerosene can loaded the bases with one out in the ninth and the Phils holding a 5-3 lead. Perhaps Manuel’s sadness came from the realization that he should have done this a month earlier. Whether Lidge’s problem is physical, psychological or karmic doesn’t matter. What matters is that by continuing to put him on the mound, the manager was hurting the team. It’s bad enough the Phillies have the world’s least disciplined lineup and a horrible bench. (Why is Matt Stairs still allowed to hit?) Do they have to keep trotting out an ineffective closer? It looks like Ryan Madson will get the job for the time being, but he should be a caretaker for the next week while Brett Myers gets comfortable again. Then, Myers pitches the ninth. Madson’s head can’t handle the responsibility, and Myers has proven he can do it. It may not result in playoff success, but there’s no way Lidge can do it anymore.
* * *
AND ANOTHER THING: El Hombre doesn’t pretend to know all of the facts in the case against former Pleasure Ridge Park HS football coach Jason Stinson, who is accused of wanton endangerment and reckless homicide in the death of Max Gilpin. With the temperature 94 degrees, Stinson had his players run nearly 30 wind sprints after an already grueling practice. Yesterday, Charles Sweat told the court that he and another player lifted Gilpin – who had been vomiting and stumbling as his body temperature rose to 107 degrees – off the ground to help him finish the sprints. Plenty of other coaches have pushed their players beyond reasonable limits in the stifling heat, but Stinson is one of the few to be prosecuted because of it. Even if he is acquitted, let’s hope the case causes other coaches to back off when conditions become unfit for extreme physical activity and that trainers and other medical staff will establish guidelines that have teeth to prevent the deaths of any other youngsters like Gilpin.
-EH-
Showing posts with label Terrell Owens. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Terrell Owens. Show all posts
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Days of Reckoning
EL HOMBRE KNOWS SPORTS
This has not been a good week to be a me-first, overpaid, team-dividing professional athlete. First, Allen Iverson’s “back” flared up, forcing him to the sidelines for at least two weeks, and probably the rest of the year. Then, Dallas Cowboys owner False Face decided it was time to get rid of the NFL’s biggest distraction, Me-O. Fans of drama were overwrought, but those of us who despise sports’ culture of selfishness rejoiced like the producers of Slumdog Millionaire on Oscar night.
Owens’ dismissal and Iverson’s “injury” hardly stemmed the tide of egocentricity. After all, Stephon Marbury has found work with the Celtics, Manny Ramirez just signed with the Dodgers (more on that later) and Chad Johnson remains unfulfilled. As long as there are non-stop highlights on the big screen and a parade of sycophantic “journalists” glorifying the minute accomplishments of top athletes – “LeBron dribbled through his legs!! – there will be self-centered athletes. The Pistons’ and Cowboys’ moves show us that everybody has their limit.
The Iverson case is less notable than L’affair Owens, since his transfer to Antoine Cadillac’s town was affected solely because of his expiring contract. GM Joe Dumars traded Chauncey Billups and his three-year deal to Denver for Iverson’s $21 million albatross, simply to clear room for future activity. As part of the trade, deliriously grateful Nuggets coach George Karl promised to wash and wax Dumars’ car every Saturday this summer. Still, there were some deluded souls who believed Iverson could help the Pistons win. Let’s hope those folks are not allowed to operate heavy machinery. A singular talent who could have led his team to a championship had he played to win, rather than to self-aggrandize, Iverson is all about himself. Always has been. The popular line among wags during Iverson’s time in Philadelphia was, “There’s no ‘I’ in team and no ‘team’ in Iverson.” Perhaps former Georgetown coach John Thompson put it best when asked during a mid-1990s Big East basketball media day about Iverson’s ability to become a point guard. In that unmistakable baritone, Thompson said, “You can’t change a zebra’s stripes.” Even he knew what the guy was about.
After a couple months of the charade, the Pistons found out what it was like to play without Iverson, and they liked it. Now that his “injury” has gotten worse, Detroit can make a charge at the fourth spot in the Eastern Conference hierarchy. The Pistons are 3-0 without Iverson and are back to playing the winning ball they did before he arrived. Danger lurks, of course, because there is always the chance Iverson will heal and demand 40 minutes and 25 shots again. If that happens, abandon all hope. The next chapter of this story should be interesting, since the market for aging, six-foot, ball-hogging two guards might not be so robust during the off-season, especially since half the league will be looking for a government bailout in a few months.
While Iverson braces for an off-season storm, the best part of the Me-O saga is yet to come. He has already provided some insight into his shattered emotions through his mouthpiece, Stephen Naismith. According to Naismith, Me-O feels “betrayed.” Thinks False Face lied to him. And this is just the beginning. There have been no teary-eyed press conferences or carefully-scripted “sit-downs” between Me-O and his apologists. You know the ones. There’s more softballs tossed than at an old King and His Court exhibition. And there’s always a moment when (insert aggrieved athlete’s name here) sits motionless with a single tear running down his cheek, a la the crestfallen Native American from the 1970s “Keep America Beautiful” commercial. One can only imagine the fusillade of emotional artillery Me-O will unload on the general public, in a bid to reinforce his assertion that he is the victim.
Close on the heels of that performance will come the reports from Valley Ranch about the two factions of Cowboy players, those who side with Me-O and those who are celebrating his release as if the government just announced that overpriced cars, jewelry and homes were tax-deductible. As that tempest swirls, False Face will give his side, complete with analysis of just how hard the whole process was and how the team has to “move on.” Chances are, he’ll throw a couple players under the bus, and he might even impugn his own son, team GM Stephen, who most likely was the impetus behind the move. The resulting stew will be so spicy that Rachael Ray would mud-wrestle Martha Stewart on pay-per-view for the rights to the recipe. El Hombre has said it before, and he’ll say it again: False Face may want to win, but he also loves attention and doesn’t care whether it’s of a positive or negative nature.
All of that doesn’t even begin to consider the hours and pages of speculation about the team’s next move and how the Me-O dismissal will affect the team’s performance, not to mention the handicapping of the Me-O sweepstakes, in which executives vie to prove who is more stupid by trying to sign a fading wideout who has poisoned three different franchises. The overwhelming early-line favorite: Al Davis and the Raiders. Duh.
Wow. That sure is a lot to anticipate. Stay tuned for all the action. And if you happen to be a selfish star with a somewhat vulnerable contract position, beware. You could be next, God willing.
* * *
EL HOMBRE SEZ: While the Cavs are celebrating their status as the first NBA team to clinch a playoff spot, the Clippers are hosting “Anybody With A Pulse” night at Staples Center. Anyone actually alive who wants to come and see the team play can do so for free. The team will also throw in a beverage, a frankfurter and the number of a psychiatrist…The NHL trading deadline came and went Wednesday, with the only notable trade involving Olli Jokinen. What, wasn’t Ogie Oglethorpe available?...The NC2A basketball tournament approaches, and that means plenty of high comedy at espn, as smug, corporate Billy Packer clone Jay Bilas jousts with Mr. Bracketology, Joe Lunardi. There’s even a new drinking game surrounding their segments. Every time Bilas is condescending, take a sip. Every time Lunardi looks like he wants to remove Bilas’ liver with a penknife, chug a beer. Chances are, you’ll be smashed in three minutes…The boating accident off the Florida Gulf Coast that claimed two NFL players and a former South Florida team member was truly a tragedy. While we celebrate the survival of one member of the boating party, we must remember the unbelievable power of the sea and the need to respect it. A 20-foot boat was not made to survive six-foot swells 50 miles from shore. Let their loss be a lesson for the rest of us about safety on the water.
* * *
YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? The gnashing of teeth over the Eagles’ decision to kick Brian Dawkins to the curb proves that the team’s fans have no idea what they really want. On the one hand, they decry any move not designed to win a Super Bowl. On the other, they become irate when the team makes personnel decisions that will provide long-run help for the team. Granted, the decision on Dawkins couldn’t just be about his value as a safety – which is diminishing, thanks to awful coverage ability. He’s a great leader and a true fan favorite. Re-signing him would have been a tremendous P.R. move and would have engendered significant good will. The fans love Dawkins, and for some, it’s impossible to imagine him in an opponent’s uniform. But from a football standpoint, letting him go to Denver made sense. Yes, he made the Pro Bowl, but he’s not someone you can use in passing situations without manipulating the defense to hide him. That’s hardly the best way to get to – or win – the Super Bowl. This is not a congratulatory letter to the Eagles for the move. It would have been nice for them to use some of their abundant cap space to reward Dawkins for meritorious service. But Eagles fans need to be honest with themselves and ask whether they’re looking for a team that wins or a team that does “the right thing,” because good corporate citizenship doesn’t usually produce a trophy.
* * *
AND ANOTHER THING: How about that Scott Boras? Lucifer’s chief negotiator took one on the chops this week when the Dodgers ended their bidding against themselves and convinced Manny Ramirez to accept $45 million over two years. Boras, who had promised his client something on the order of four years and $130 million, didn’t quite get his price. Now, it would have been better had the Dodgers played some real hardball with the traveling-secretary-hitting bully and his cloven-hoofed rep by lowering their offer every week a deal wasn’t consummated, but the contract as written does favor L.A. Since Ramirez can void the deal after a year, in order to chase another giant offer (as if), he’ll have to hustle and behave himself, as he did during his truncated tenure with the Dodgers last year. Since he doesn’t have the security of a long-term deal, Ramirez can’t dog it, treat team employees poorly and basically act like himself. If he does, he’ll either have to take a paltry $20 million next year – some of it deferred – or go back into a market that doesn’t promise to be much more robust, especially for what will be a 37-year old slugger with a history of malingering. Congratulations to the Dodgers for beating Boras and putting Ramirez in a situation where he has to be a professional – at least if he has any long-term goals.
-EH-
This has not been a good week to be a me-first, overpaid, team-dividing professional athlete. First, Allen Iverson’s “back” flared up, forcing him to the sidelines for at least two weeks, and probably the rest of the year. Then, Dallas Cowboys owner False Face decided it was time to get rid of the NFL’s biggest distraction, Me-O. Fans of drama were overwrought, but those of us who despise sports’ culture of selfishness rejoiced like the producers of Slumdog Millionaire on Oscar night.
Owens’ dismissal and Iverson’s “injury” hardly stemmed the tide of egocentricity. After all, Stephon Marbury has found work with the Celtics, Manny Ramirez just signed with the Dodgers (more on that later) and Chad Johnson remains unfulfilled. As long as there are non-stop highlights on the big screen and a parade of sycophantic “journalists” glorifying the minute accomplishments of top athletes – “LeBron dribbled through his legs!! – there will be self-centered athletes. The Pistons’ and Cowboys’ moves show us that everybody has their limit.
The Iverson case is less notable than L’affair Owens, since his transfer to Antoine Cadillac’s town was affected solely because of his expiring contract. GM Joe Dumars traded Chauncey Billups and his three-year deal to Denver for Iverson’s $21 million albatross, simply to clear room for future activity. As part of the trade, deliriously grateful Nuggets coach George Karl promised to wash and wax Dumars’ car every Saturday this summer. Still, there were some deluded souls who believed Iverson could help the Pistons win. Let’s hope those folks are not allowed to operate heavy machinery. A singular talent who could have led his team to a championship had he played to win, rather than to self-aggrandize, Iverson is all about himself. Always has been. The popular line among wags during Iverson’s time in Philadelphia was, “There’s no ‘I’ in team and no ‘team’ in Iverson.” Perhaps former Georgetown coach John Thompson put it best when asked during a mid-1990s Big East basketball media day about Iverson’s ability to become a point guard. In that unmistakable baritone, Thompson said, “You can’t change a zebra’s stripes.” Even he knew what the guy was about.
After a couple months of the charade, the Pistons found out what it was like to play without Iverson, and they liked it. Now that his “injury” has gotten worse, Detroit can make a charge at the fourth spot in the Eastern Conference hierarchy. The Pistons are 3-0 without Iverson and are back to playing the winning ball they did before he arrived. Danger lurks, of course, because there is always the chance Iverson will heal and demand 40 minutes and 25 shots again. If that happens, abandon all hope. The next chapter of this story should be interesting, since the market for aging, six-foot, ball-hogging two guards might not be so robust during the off-season, especially since half the league will be looking for a government bailout in a few months.
While Iverson braces for an off-season storm, the best part of the Me-O saga is yet to come. He has already provided some insight into his shattered emotions through his mouthpiece, Stephen Naismith. According to Naismith, Me-O feels “betrayed.” Thinks False Face lied to him. And this is just the beginning. There have been no teary-eyed press conferences or carefully-scripted “sit-downs” between Me-O and his apologists. You know the ones. There’s more softballs tossed than at an old King and His Court exhibition. And there’s always a moment when (insert aggrieved athlete’s name here) sits motionless with a single tear running down his cheek, a la the crestfallen Native American from the 1970s “Keep America Beautiful” commercial. One can only imagine the fusillade of emotional artillery Me-O will unload on the general public, in a bid to reinforce his assertion that he is the victim.
Close on the heels of that performance will come the reports from Valley Ranch about the two factions of Cowboy players, those who side with Me-O and those who are celebrating his release as if the government just announced that overpriced cars, jewelry and homes were tax-deductible. As that tempest swirls, False Face will give his side, complete with analysis of just how hard the whole process was and how the team has to “move on.” Chances are, he’ll throw a couple players under the bus, and he might even impugn his own son, team GM Stephen, who most likely was the impetus behind the move. The resulting stew will be so spicy that Rachael Ray would mud-wrestle Martha Stewart on pay-per-view for the rights to the recipe. El Hombre has said it before, and he’ll say it again: False Face may want to win, but he also loves attention and doesn’t care whether it’s of a positive or negative nature.
All of that doesn’t even begin to consider the hours and pages of speculation about the team’s next move and how the Me-O dismissal will affect the team’s performance, not to mention the handicapping of the Me-O sweepstakes, in which executives vie to prove who is more stupid by trying to sign a fading wideout who has poisoned three different franchises. The overwhelming early-line favorite: Al Davis and the Raiders. Duh.
Wow. That sure is a lot to anticipate. Stay tuned for all the action. And if you happen to be a selfish star with a somewhat vulnerable contract position, beware. You could be next, God willing.
* * *
EL HOMBRE SEZ: While the Cavs are celebrating their status as the first NBA team to clinch a playoff spot, the Clippers are hosting “Anybody With A Pulse” night at Staples Center. Anyone actually alive who wants to come and see the team play can do so for free. The team will also throw in a beverage, a frankfurter and the number of a psychiatrist…The NHL trading deadline came and went Wednesday, with the only notable trade involving Olli Jokinen. What, wasn’t Ogie Oglethorpe available?...The NC2A basketball tournament approaches, and that means plenty of high comedy at espn, as smug, corporate Billy Packer clone Jay Bilas jousts with Mr. Bracketology, Joe Lunardi. There’s even a new drinking game surrounding their segments. Every time Bilas is condescending, take a sip. Every time Lunardi looks like he wants to remove Bilas’ liver with a penknife, chug a beer. Chances are, you’ll be smashed in three minutes…The boating accident off the Florida Gulf Coast that claimed two NFL players and a former South Florida team member was truly a tragedy. While we celebrate the survival of one member of the boating party, we must remember the unbelievable power of the sea and the need to respect it. A 20-foot boat was not made to survive six-foot swells 50 miles from shore. Let their loss be a lesson for the rest of us about safety on the water.
* * *
YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? The gnashing of teeth over the Eagles’ decision to kick Brian Dawkins to the curb proves that the team’s fans have no idea what they really want. On the one hand, they decry any move not designed to win a Super Bowl. On the other, they become irate when the team makes personnel decisions that will provide long-run help for the team. Granted, the decision on Dawkins couldn’t just be about his value as a safety – which is diminishing, thanks to awful coverage ability. He’s a great leader and a true fan favorite. Re-signing him would have been a tremendous P.R. move and would have engendered significant good will. The fans love Dawkins, and for some, it’s impossible to imagine him in an opponent’s uniform. But from a football standpoint, letting him go to Denver made sense. Yes, he made the Pro Bowl, but he’s not someone you can use in passing situations without manipulating the defense to hide him. That’s hardly the best way to get to – or win – the Super Bowl. This is not a congratulatory letter to the Eagles for the move. It would have been nice for them to use some of their abundant cap space to reward Dawkins for meritorious service. But Eagles fans need to be honest with themselves and ask whether they’re looking for a team that wins or a team that does “the right thing,” because good corporate citizenship doesn’t usually produce a trophy.
* * *
AND ANOTHER THING: How about that Scott Boras? Lucifer’s chief negotiator took one on the chops this week when the Dodgers ended their bidding against themselves and convinced Manny Ramirez to accept $45 million over two years. Boras, who had promised his client something on the order of four years and $130 million, didn’t quite get his price. Now, it would have been better had the Dodgers played some real hardball with the traveling-secretary-hitting bully and his cloven-hoofed rep by lowering their offer every week a deal wasn’t consummated, but the contract as written does favor L.A. Since Ramirez can void the deal after a year, in order to chase another giant offer (as if), he’ll have to hustle and behave himself, as he did during his truncated tenure with the Dodgers last year. Since he doesn’t have the security of a long-term deal, Ramirez can’t dog it, treat team employees poorly and basically act like himself. If he does, he’ll either have to take a paltry $20 million next year – some of it deferred – or go back into a market that doesn’t promise to be much more robust, especially for what will be a 37-year old slugger with a history of malingering. Congratulations to the Dodgers for beating Boras and putting Ramirez in a situation where he has to be a professional – at least if he has any long-term goals.
-EH-
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