EL HOMBRE KNOWS SPORTS
At college campuses across America, incoming freshmen are learning their way to class, trying to cope with doing their own laundry and basically hoping some senior doesn’t hang them by their boxer-briefs from a lamppost in the quad.
Meanwhile at USC, Matt Barkley is getting ready for his first game as starting QB for the Trojans and trying to figure out in which order he’ll be dating the Song Girls this season. Sounds like a perfectly normal freshman orientation, doesn’t it? Or maybe it’s the perfect beginning to the ’09 college football season, which as usual has enough subplots to fill an entire network fall lineup.
BCS Follies: The idiocy has started already, and there hasn’t yet been a major-college snap in earnest. South Florida coach Jim Leavitt, who votes in the coaches’ poll, omitted Mississippi and Oregon from his pre-season top 25. He also put his own squad, which was hardly mentioned on other ballots, number 18. Some of his other choices included Florida State, Miami, Pitt, Rutgers and Cincinnati, all of which happen to be on the Bulls’ schedule. Some might excuse Leavitt’s poor judgment. After all, it is early. But his self-serving ballot proves how ridiculous it is to have coaches as part of the system to choose a national champion. The first BCS standings aren’t due until October, but you can tell we’re in for another season of stupidity. Leavitt’s votes are just the beginning.
I Got A Biiiiiiiig Mouth! El Hombre is no fan of Florida and its prickly coach Urban Meyer, but he will certainly be tuning in Sept. 19 when the Gators take on Tennessee. That’s because new Vols coach Lane Kiffin spent his off-season committing violations, making stupid proclamations and basically cheesing off everyone in the SEC. One of his targets was Meyer, whose sense of humor tends toward that of library investigator Lt. Bookman. So, when the Gators get a hold of Tennessee in the Swamp, things could get pretty ugly. Just remember, you can’t spell blowoUT without UT.
The Year of the Quarterback: By now, most college fans are sick of the hoopla over the nation’s top three returning QBs, defending Heisman winner Sam Bradford of Oklahoma, Florida’s St. Timothy of Tebow and Texas’ Colt McCoy. Expect to be rooting against each of them by the end of September, thanks to a guaranteed avalanche of attention they’ll be receiving. The good news is that there are plenty of other fine quarterbacks for fans to follow, and EH isn’t talking about Jevan Sneed of Mississippi or Oklahoma State’s Zac Robinson, who comprise part of the second-tier of breathlessly-hyped signal-callers. Make sure you pay attention to (in no particular order) Central Michigan dual threat Dan LeFevour, Oregon’s Jeremiah Masoli, Houston’s Case Keenum, Baylor’s Robert Griffin (especially Baylor’s Robert Griffin), Kansas’ Todd Reesing, South Florida’s Matt Grothe, BYU’s Max Hall, Nevada’s Colin Kaepernick and Boise State’s Kellen Moore. All are worth the price of admission and their success is unlikely to be jammed down our throats.
Gulag: Ann Arbor: It was a story Upton Sinclair would have loved. The young men worked long hours in the hot sun, without care for the regulations. Some Sundays they were forced to miss every NFL game in the name of self-improvement. The off-season was the worst, what with the forced labor and mean shouting man. If we didn’t know better, we’d think Michigan coach Rich Rodriguez had studied at the Joe Stalin Football Terror Academy. Instead, he made the mistake of angering some soft players who narced on him and his zealous staff. Did the Wolverine coaches break a few rules and take some liberties with their players? They did. (Wink.) Did they do things that were horribly different than what goes on at every big-time – even after last year’s 3-9 record, U-M is still “big time” (Ha! Beat you to it) – program? No. Rodriguez is in more trouble if he doesn’t win than because of his tough workouts and practice regimens. He didn’t do himself any favors by whimpering at his press conference earlier this week. But Rodriguez doesn’t deserve to be hung for doing what everybody else does. Hell, even Ohio State is sticking up for him. The guy has a lot to answer for, what with the loss to Toledo last year, but this shouldn’t haunt him. Go 6-6 this year, and that’s a different story.
The World of Heavy C: Meanwhile, in South Bend, another beleaguered coach takes aim at redemption. Notre Dame’s Charlie Weis begins his most important season with a clear mandate from the administration: play in a BCS bowl or get busy looking for work. Given the number of bridges he’s burned during his tenure, it’s unlikely too many other places will be looking to hire him, so he had better win. To make matters worse, it appears as if the fans have turned on him. Witness the billboard above South Bend’s Linebacker Inn: “Best wishes to Charlie Weis in the fifth year of his college coaching internship.” Ouch. The bad news for Irish haters is that a light schedule, combined with the team’s best talent in a while, could put ND in that BCS equation – and save Weis’ sizeable backside.
How It’s Going Down: To hear some people say it, Florida will go 14-0 to become the Greatest Team Ever and establish itself as a 33-point favorite over the 1945 Army squad, a 10-point fave over the ’72 USC Trojans and basically have the horses to challenge an all-time all-star team. That may happen, but the Gators have to survive games with Georgia, LSU, Florida State and (one would imagine) the SEC West champ. They’ll then have to get by someone in the BCS title game. If that’s Ohio State, which will likely run the table if it beats USC Sept. 12, then crown the Gators. But, if as El Hombre thinks, it’s Texas, look out. The Steers are ready to make a big charge and win it all. They’ll play better defense this year, and QB Colt McCoy might just complete 80% of his passes en route to the Heisman.
* * *
EL HOMBRE SEZ: Forbes has published its list of NFL teams’ values, and the Cowboys (surprise!) topped the list at $1.65 billion. Wonder if that counts the money they’ll need to spend next off-season to correct the scoreboard fiasco owner Jerry Jones faces. Do-overs? What is this, touch football? Wait until the lawsuits start when players suffer serious injuries from running downfield on punts for the second and third times on the same play…Bloody Sock Schilling has expressed interest in the Massachusetts Senate seat vacated by the late Ted Kennedy. Sounds like a perfect match: Self-serving loudmouth enters the political arena. And if things don’t work out with the Massachusetts electorate, Schilling can demand a trade to Arizona…Why in the world would anybody want to trade for childish Denver receiver Brandon Marshall? He can’t behave himself on the field, and he’s one more domestic abuse claim away from getting suspended. Kudos to Denver coach Josh McDaniels for not tolerating any of his malarkey. Marshall is bad news and deserves to be treated like toxic waste by the rest of the NFL…New Florida International coach Isiah Thomas has finally stopped protesting the identity of his team’s first opponent. He thought the Golden Panthers would face Ohio State, but organizers of the Coaches vs. Cancer tournament pitted FIU against North Carolina, and Thomas threw a tantrum. Take your beating like a man, Isiah, and consider it penance for what you did to the CBA and the Knicks.
* * *
YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? Wednesday night, the Phillies proved exactly why they are hardly slam-dunk favorites to defend successfully their World Series title. On a night when hits – much less the team’s calling card, the three-run homer – were in short supply, they had no shot at all against Brad Penny and the Giants. Penny, you may remember, was cut by the Red Sox after a couple months of pitching batting practice to opposing hitters. Wednesday night, the Phillies made him look like Carl Hubbell with their familiar habit of swinging at everything and failing to take advantage of any success they managed. The bullpen is a big reason for concern, but a bigger problem this year is the team’s inability and seeming reluctance to manufacture runs. It’s almost as if the Phillies disdain the scratched-out score, choosing instead to chase the glamour of the long ball. Sunday night, espn’s Joe Morgan revealed the Phillies were last in the NL in “productive outs.” Those are the ground balls that move runners or fly balls that bring people in from third base. Once the weather turns cold, the ball doesn’t travel as far, and the homer total drops. If the Phillies want to win in October, they had better become smarter at the plate, or they’ll be making plenty of hacks like Penny look like all-stars.
* * *
AND ANOTHER THING: Point guard Ricky Rubio has opted for two more years in the Spanish League, rather than play for the Minnesota Timberwolves, despite his professed desire to be in the NBA. Calling any arrangement he would make with the T-Wolves “complicated,” Rubio stayed put. Not exactly the best start to David Kahn’s tenure as GM in Minnesota. At least he drafted another point guard, Jonny Flynn, so the team won’t miss Rubio – except at the box office. Given the situation, the chances he will play for the T-Wolves are slim, since two years from now, he’ll likely demand a trade. Thanks to Kahn’s draft-day gaffe, we’ll probably see the gifted point man in a Lakers or Knicks jersey when he finally comes across the pond. Nice work, David.
-EH-
Showing posts with label Charlie Weis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Charlie Weis. Show all posts
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Of No More Use
EL HOMBRE KNOWS SPORTS
At first blush, the proclamation sounded as if it fit right into a normal news broadcast. espn was letting us know that a tantalizing college football rumor that had caused quite an uproar in South Bend and its concentric circles of yahoo fan-dom was so obscure that its staff hadn’t heard about it. If that were the case, this must be on the absolute down-low.
Only that wasn’t the case. Turns out, it was reported in a blog by New York Daily News Jets beat writer Rich Cimini. Perhaps you’ve heard of the paper. Has more than 700,000 readers. Can be found on newsstands everywhere in the nation’s biggest city. And guess what? The item was also published on SI.com, in its “Truth and Rumors” section. So, when espn proclaimed the rumor to be arcane, it was doing so out of ignorance and arrogance. The former was due to its poor research; the latter a by-product of its belief that if it isn’t reported first (or at least stolen from someone else and passed off as espn’s own) by the “Worldwide Leader” it doesn’t matter. Guess when you only read the Hartford Courant you miss out on a few things. Perhaps a few of El Hombre’s interns should be dispatched to Bristol to show ‘em how it’s done, or at least spruce the place up a bit.
Anyway, the juicy tidbit had to do with a certain football coach saddled with excessive avoirdupois. Notre Dame’s Charlie “Heavy C” Weis had created a “weird vibe” around the football offices and was due for termination after the national signing day. His replacement? None other than Jon Gruden, who won a Super Bowl with Tony Dungy’s club and then coached just well enough to keep his job – but win no playoff games – before the Bucs dumped him last week. Gruden, you may remember, was ND’s top choice for its job when the bastion of academia showed its true colors by dumping Ty Willingham after just three seasons. Gruden said no. So did Urban Meyer, Bob Stoops and Joe Kuharich’s grandson. Enter Heavy C, who snowed the Irish enough with a strong first year – accomplished with Willingham’s players – to grab a 47-year extension and perpetual line-cutting rights at the training table.
A Fighting Irish spokesman dismissed the rumor as preposterous, and it does seem rather ridiculous. What kind of a school would let prospective student-athletes think they were going to play for one coach and then pull the old bait-and-switch? Of course, given the way the NC2A treats players these days, it’s a wonder schools aren’t allowed to grab the kids in the deep of night, drive them to a dungeon and force them to sign letters-of-intent after days of torture, sleep deprivation and “Clean Home” marathons. Then again, there are whispers that’s how Nick Saban gets his players.
Heavy C may be safe, but many assistant coaches around the country will suffer the very fate the Irish boss was alleged to be facing. With under two weeks until national signing day (Feb. 3), coaches are in rental cars, Red Roof Inns and living rooms around the country, making their final pitches in the hopes of landing commitments to dear, old State U. The vast majority of them will still have jobs once spring practice comes, but some will be fired after the prospects sign on the dotted line. And that’s a tragedy.
There’s nothing wrong with a head coach’s deciding to make some staff changes. That happens every season, although it’s much worse these days, as the big bosses try to save their backsides by blaming lack of prosperity on their lieutenants. If the cuts are made in late November or December, then the deposed assistants have the opportunity to find other work. When the guillotine falls in February, however, the situation is far less manageable – and more Machiavellian. Keeping a coach on the staff that long is – with few exceptions – done exclusively to keep committed recruits on the line and ready to sign. In some cases, the assistants know they’re toast, but if they do anything to jeopardize a commitment, they’ll be bad-mouthed throughout the coaching fraternity by their bosses and find it tough to get another job. In other cases, the victims continue apace, working hard to land prospects, only to find out they were on the way out the whole time.
Such is the life these days as an assistant college football coach. Although the money is getting more and more outlandish – reports were that Oklahoma State offered Miami defensive coordinator Bill Young 700 large to take the same job in Stillwater (he did) – the security is dissipating quickly. Forget loyalty; it’s about self-preservation. Wondering why some assistants have 20 jobs in 25 years? It’s not that they’re no good or nomadic by nature. In fact, they’re top-shelf coaches who realize that the old model of sticking with the same captain for 30 seasons doesn’t work anymore, because the commander doesn’t want devotion. Often, he wants scapegoats. So, the assistants relocate every season or two, the better to stay fresh in the eyes of their employer and make sure they always have work.
Those who get caught in a teetering head coach’s purge are cast into a job market that gets more crowded every year, as younger (and less expensive) mentors enter the fray, and experience counts for less and less. Assistants are willing to work long hours, spend weeks on the road kissing up to boneheaded 18-year olds and try to teach sophomore “general studies” majors the vagaries of the zone blitz. That’s all part of the job description. But getting dumped after closing the deal? That’s dirty pool. Heavy C may well be safe for another season, but he might be dumping a staff member this February. And he won’t be alone. Talk about something worth covering. Are you listening, espn, or are you too busy congratulating yourself on your most recent “exclusive?”
* * *
EL HOMBRE SEZ: Lance Armstrong has been struggling during the Tour Down Under in Australia (duh), his first foray into cycling after his first “retirement.” He’s been having trouble with conditioning, the heat, high winds and even hovering helicopters. The biggest problem, however, has been a pack of French journalists who have been staking out the bathrooms he has been using…PETA has decided it doesn’t want Michael Vick to film a public-service announcement after he is released from Leavenworth in July and won’t support his reinstatement to the NFL. Turns out PETA wants Vick to undergo a brain scan and psychological profile, especially since learning he used family dogs to fight. Hmmm, sounds like he’s ready for the Raiders…About that new John Turturro Heineken commercial: Makes you want to grab a Beck’s…espn has decided it’s a good idea to pair Brent Musberger and Generalissimo Knight on college basketball broadcasts. Wonder if Knight will try to strangle Brent before the first jump ball. Why not put together a team of Hugo Chavez and Dick Vitale? That might be a little more annoying. Might…Classy move by UConn women’s coach Geno Auriemma, who left his starters in for most of a 107-53 win over Syracuse Saturday. Now there’s an educator…Now into its second rescue of the nation’s financial institutions, England dumped $634 million in public funds to help bail out its flailing construction efforts in advance of the 2012 London Summer Olympics. That ought to play well in the East End. Parliament had better beef up its security.
* * *
YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? Donovan McNabb did not lose the NFC Championship game. Got that? He wasn’t perfect, especially during the last drive, but he threw for 375 yards, led a second-half comeback that put the Eagles in front and performed better than 90% of his teammates. The game was lost by the defense, which couldn’t pressure Kurt Warner in the first half and got fricasseed, and wasn’t able to step up in the fourth quarter. It was lost by dumb penalties, dropped passes and poor special teams play. Oh, Big Red and Genius Johnson got outcoached, too. McNabb wasn’t perfect, but he was part of a team that lost a game. Those who want to pin it on him, especially if they are media members, shouldn’t be allowed to comment on football again. This is an imperfect franchise with an overriding business philosophy that screams “Gold Standard” but plays at a runner-up level. It makes money but doesn’t bring in trophies. If you want to blame McNabb, go ahead. Just don’t try to get into any Mensa meetings.
* * *
AND ANOTHER THING: Wake Forest lost to Clemson in college hoops Wednesday night, ending the Demon Deacons’ undefeated run and assuring that that basketball world will have another number one team next week. And the response from fans? So what? That’s the beauty of college basketball. The rankings mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!! There’s this radical thing at the end of the season called a “tournament.” Perhaps you have heard of the concept. The best teams in the country are matched against each other in an elimination series designed to find out the best – on the court. Voting doesn’t matter. Computers aren’t consulted. Old coaches and players who don’t pay attention to the game have no say. No one loves the college version of the prolate spheroid more than El Hombre, but the roundball folks have it right. So Wake Forest lost, and Duke (blechh!) might be number one next week? Call us on March 15, when the brackets are announced.
-30-
At first blush, the proclamation sounded as if it fit right into a normal news broadcast. espn was letting us know that a tantalizing college football rumor that had caused quite an uproar in South Bend and its concentric circles of yahoo fan-dom was so obscure that its staff hadn’t heard about it. If that were the case, this must be on the absolute down-low.
Only that wasn’t the case. Turns out, it was reported in a blog by New York Daily News Jets beat writer Rich Cimini. Perhaps you’ve heard of the paper. Has more than 700,000 readers. Can be found on newsstands everywhere in the nation’s biggest city. And guess what? The item was also published on SI.com, in its “Truth and Rumors” section. So, when espn proclaimed the rumor to be arcane, it was doing so out of ignorance and arrogance. The former was due to its poor research; the latter a by-product of its belief that if it isn’t reported first (or at least stolen from someone else and passed off as espn’s own) by the “Worldwide Leader” it doesn’t matter. Guess when you only read the Hartford Courant you miss out on a few things. Perhaps a few of El Hombre’s interns should be dispatched to Bristol to show ‘em how it’s done, or at least spruce the place up a bit.
Anyway, the juicy tidbit had to do with a certain football coach saddled with excessive avoirdupois. Notre Dame’s Charlie “Heavy C” Weis had created a “weird vibe” around the football offices and was due for termination after the national signing day. His replacement? None other than Jon Gruden, who won a Super Bowl with Tony Dungy’s club and then coached just well enough to keep his job – but win no playoff games – before the Bucs dumped him last week. Gruden, you may remember, was ND’s top choice for its job when the bastion of academia showed its true colors by dumping Ty Willingham after just three seasons. Gruden said no. So did Urban Meyer, Bob Stoops and Joe Kuharich’s grandson. Enter Heavy C, who snowed the Irish enough with a strong first year – accomplished with Willingham’s players – to grab a 47-year extension and perpetual line-cutting rights at the training table.
A Fighting Irish spokesman dismissed the rumor as preposterous, and it does seem rather ridiculous. What kind of a school would let prospective student-athletes think they were going to play for one coach and then pull the old bait-and-switch? Of course, given the way the NC2A treats players these days, it’s a wonder schools aren’t allowed to grab the kids in the deep of night, drive them to a dungeon and force them to sign letters-of-intent after days of torture, sleep deprivation and “Clean Home” marathons. Then again, there are whispers that’s how Nick Saban gets his players.
Heavy C may be safe, but many assistant coaches around the country will suffer the very fate the Irish boss was alleged to be facing. With under two weeks until national signing day (Feb. 3), coaches are in rental cars, Red Roof Inns and living rooms around the country, making their final pitches in the hopes of landing commitments to dear, old State U. The vast majority of them will still have jobs once spring practice comes, but some will be fired after the prospects sign on the dotted line. And that’s a tragedy.
There’s nothing wrong with a head coach’s deciding to make some staff changes. That happens every season, although it’s much worse these days, as the big bosses try to save their backsides by blaming lack of prosperity on their lieutenants. If the cuts are made in late November or December, then the deposed assistants have the opportunity to find other work. When the guillotine falls in February, however, the situation is far less manageable – and more Machiavellian. Keeping a coach on the staff that long is – with few exceptions – done exclusively to keep committed recruits on the line and ready to sign. In some cases, the assistants know they’re toast, but if they do anything to jeopardize a commitment, they’ll be bad-mouthed throughout the coaching fraternity by their bosses and find it tough to get another job. In other cases, the victims continue apace, working hard to land prospects, only to find out they were on the way out the whole time.
Such is the life these days as an assistant college football coach. Although the money is getting more and more outlandish – reports were that Oklahoma State offered Miami defensive coordinator Bill Young 700 large to take the same job in Stillwater (he did) – the security is dissipating quickly. Forget loyalty; it’s about self-preservation. Wondering why some assistants have 20 jobs in 25 years? It’s not that they’re no good or nomadic by nature. In fact, they’re top-shelf coaches who realize that the old model of sticking with the same captain for 30 seasons doesn’t work anymore, because the commander doesn’t want devotion. Often, he wants scapegoats. So, the assistants relocate every season or two, the better to stay fresh in the eyes of their employer and make sure they always have work.
Those who get caught in a teetering head coach’s purge are cast into a job market that gets more crowded every year, as younger (and less expensive) mentors enter the fray, and experience counts for less and less. Assistants are willing to work long hours, spend weeks on the road kissing up to boneheaded 18-year olds and try to teach sophomore “general studies” majors the vagaries of the zone blitz. That’s all part of the job description. But getting dumped after closing the deal? That’s dirty pool. Heavy C may well be safe for another season, but he might be dumping a staff member this February. And he won’t be alone. Talk about something worth covering. Are you listening, espn, or are you too busy congratulating yourself on your most recent “exclusive?”
* * *
EL HOMBRE SEZ: Lance Armstrong has been struggling during the Tour Down Under in Australia (duh), his first foray into cycling after his first “retirement.” He’s been having trouble with conditioning, the heat, high winds and even hovering helicopters. The biggest problem, however, has been a pack of French journalists who have been staking out the bathrooms he has been using…PETA has decided it doesn’t want Michael Vick to film a public-service announcement after he is released from Leavenworth in July and won’t support his reinstatement to the NFL. Turns out PETA wants Vick to undergo a brain scan and psychological profile, especially since learning he used family dogs to fight. Hmmm, sounds like he’s ready for the Raiders…About that new John Turturro Heineken commercial: Makes you want to grab a Beck’s…espn has decided it’s a good idea to pair Brent Musberger and Generalissimo Knight on college basketball broadcasts. Wonder if Knight will try to strangle Brent before the first jump ball. Why not put together a team of Hugo Chavez and Dick Vitale? That might be a little more annoying. Might…Classy move by UConn women’s coach Geno Auriemma, who left his starters in for most of a 107-53 win over Syracuse Saturday. Now there’s an educator…Now into its second rescue of the nation’s financial institutions, England dumped $634 million in public funds to help bail out its flailing construction efforts in advance of the 2012 London Summer Olympics. That ought to play well in the East End. Parliament had better beef up its security.
* * *
YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? Donovan McNabb did not lose the NFC Championship game. Got that? He wasn’t perfect, especially during the last drive, but he threw for 375 yards, led a second-half comeback that put the Eagles in front and performed better than 90% of his teammates. The game was lost by the defense, which couldn’t pressure Kurt Warner in the first half and got fricasseed, and wasn’t able to step up in the fourth quarter. It was lost by dumb penalties, dropped passes and poor special teams play. Oh, Big Red and Genius Johnson got outcoached, too. McNabb wasn’t perfect, but he was part of a team that lost a game. Those who want to pin it on him, especially if they are media members, shouldn’t be allowed to comment on football again. This is an imperfect franchise with an overriding business philosophy that screams “Gold Standard” but plays at a runner-up level. It makes money but doesn’t bring in trophies. If you want to blame McNabb, go ahead. Just don’t try to get into any Mensa meetings.
* * *
AND ANOTHER THING: Wake Forest lost to Clemson in college hoops Wednesday night, ending the Demon Deacons’ undefeated run and assuring that that basketball world will have another number one team next week. And the response from fans? So what? That’s the beauty of college basketball. The rankings mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!! There’s this radical thing at the end of the season called a “tournament.” Perhaps you have heard of the concept. The best teams in the country are matched against each other in an elimination series designed to find out the best – on the court. Voting doesn’t matter. Computers aren’t consulted. Old coaches and players who don’t pay attention to the game have no say. No one loves the college version of the prolate spheroid more than El Hombre, but the roundball folks have it right. So Wake Forest lost, and Duke (blechh!) might be number one next week? Call us on March 15, when the brackets are announced.
-30-
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Bowling Along
EL HOMBRE KNOWS SPORTS
Back in 1901, when the organizers of the annual Rose Parade decided to supplement their cavalcade of flowers and toilet paper with some gridiron action, it’s almost certain their ultimate goal was to create a menagerie of 34 post-season games designed to reward even the most mediocre performances (Notre Dame) and provide trips to garden-spot destinations like Shreveport, Mobile and Detroit.
Better still, the run-up to that first Rose Bowl – won by a mighty Michigan Point-a-Minute outfit over a Stanford 11 so hapless it waved the white flag after three quarters – included much debate over the best way to choose the best team in the land. After several toddies and blind tosses at a dart board, the Rose honchos determined that combining the best elements of figure skating, boxing and the Chess Club would be an appropriate method. Either that or Russian roulette.
More than 100 years later, the bowl tradition established back in Pasadena is thriving. Some might say it’s completely out of control, given the fact that new “classics” are sprouting faster than hair on John Goodman’s back. Take this year’s kickoff, Saturday’s EagleBank Bowl in Washington D.C. Now there’s a reward for a great season. At halftime of the game, one lucky fan will receive a government bailout, while players spent the days leading up to the contest playing the new Capitol Hill virtual reality game: D.C. Lobbyist. The week’s only problem arose at the kickoff luncheon, when there wasn’t enough pork to go around, thanks to Congress’ insistence on piling it high on every spending package it created.
While Navy and Wake Forest tee it up in prehistoric RFK Stadium, 66 other teams compete for the right to declare themselves “(Insert Ridiculous Sponsor’s Name Here) Bowl Champions.” Ah, the color and the pageantry. The bowl season’s comin’ at ya, and El Hombre has your preview right here.
No Justice: Heavy C and the boys staggered home with a humiliating home loss to Syracuse and a wipeout in SoCal in which the Pacifist Irish didn’t manage a first down until the end of the third quarter. Their reward? A trip to Hawaii, of course. Charlie Weis will bring his unique brand of arrogance and sideline inadequacy back to South Bend for another season, great news for those who want to see Notre Dame out of the national title picture, but not so fine for the ND players, whose poor performance against the Orange was “rewarded” with a barrage of snowballs by those classy Irish yahoos, whose behavior made a NASCAR crowd look like the audience at Masterpiece Theater. Enjoy the Big Island, guys, and try to forget you’re one-point underdogs to a Hawaii team that lost by two touchdowns to Utah State.
Sacrificial Lambs: It seems as if the oddsmakers have finally learned their lesson when it comes to Ohio State and BCS games. Unless the Horrible People are playing ND, the best strategy is to make them heavy dogs, even if the opposition is the Green Party. Texas is a 9 ½-point favorite over OSU in the Fiesta Bowl, which is being played Jan. 5 to maximize the number of TV sets tuned away from the game. After watching the Blackeyes absorb shots from Florida and LSU the past two years, Vegas has taken no chances. Besides, after getting snubbed by Myron and the other computer geeks, UT has some serious motivation. Lose, and everybody will say the BCS system was vindicated, which would be tantamount to naming Britney Spears to head the National Endowment for the Arts. So, until you can prove yourself worthy, Ohio State, you’re a bad risk.
That’s Entertainment: Speaking of Vegas, the savants there found the only way to calculate the over-under number on the Oklahoma State-Oregon matchup in the Holiday Bowl was to take Avogadro’s Number and keep multiplying it by itself until the computer screamed, “No Mas!” When it comes to scoring points, these are two of the best around, and considering the Holiday’s history of wacky offensive explosions, the point total in this one could match the number of calories Oprah’s been pile-driving lately. Enjoy the fun and weep for the defensive coordinators.
Long Time, No See: Vanderbilt is playing in its first bowl game since 1982 and hoping to earn its first post-season victory since ’55, when Don Orr and the boys knocked off Auburn. Not that Vandy stormed the post-season gates or anything. After starting the season 5-0 and entertaining fantasies of winning the SEC East, the ‘Dores blew six of their last seven – including decisions to Mississippi State and Duke – with only a triumph over Kentucky’s assuring a bowl berth. The reward? A berth in the Music City Bowl in Nashville, Vandy’s hometown. Baby Steps, guys. Baby steps.
Be Gentle, Connecticut: While Commodore fans are reacquainting themselves with the concept of football in late December, the folks at Buffalo are trying to figure out how to behave at a bowl. The Bulls’ MAC championship completed a dramatic turnaround and secured a spot in the International Bowl, the Bulls’ first-ever post-season invitation. That’s the good news. The bad news is that a team from Buffalo, one of the country’s worst weather spots, actually has to go north to Tronno to play in a bowl. What, was the Eskimo Pie North Pole Bowl filled up? Congratulations to Turner Gill and the Bulls, who will no doubt enjoy the pre-game tour of the Keith Richards Transfusion Center and hope the opposition from Connecticut is not too forceful.
Why? Okay, so every team that plays in a bowl has the right to feel proud, and the schools are free to use the experience to promote their continued ascension in the college football world. But does that give us any reason to watch some of these games? For instance, there is not a remotely compelling reason to tune into the Independence Bowl, which pits Northern Illinois against Louisiana Tech. El Hombre would rather suffer through a “Clean House” marathon than watch that. There have been some dog bowls over the years, but that is in contention for the worst ever.
Then Again…: This just in from the world of computerized ticket scalping: Ducats for the execrable Orange Bowl, matching Cincinnati and Virginia Tech in the homeliest BCS game ever, are going for $1.25. That’s right, a buck-and-a-quarter. That’s all the evidence we need of the Big East and ACC’s irrelevance this season. In all fairness, the seats are in the upper deck’s corner, but come on, now, $1.25? Now, if you tell EH that the Mike Curb Congregation is performing during the famous halftime extravaganza, he’ll bump his bid up to a sawbuck, but that’s the limit.
And the Winner Is…: If you’re looking for a verdict on the BCS “national championship” game, you’ll have to wait until January, when all will be revealed. Sorry, but that’s just how El Hombre rolls.
* * *
EL HOMBRE SEZ: As if the continuing economic news and tsunami of holiday treacle aren’t enough to induce vomiting, consider that yesterday Brett Favre revealed that this might be his last year in the NFL. After the drama he created last year, that statement should be received with a blizzard of rotten fruit and vegetables. When Favre retires again, it should be done with a terse statement and no weepy press conference. And espn must promise to control itself…Think Nuggets coach George Karl doesn’t wake up every day with a huge grin on his face in the wake of the team’s decision to trade Allen I-I-I-I-Iverson to Detroit for Chauncey Billups? Since the deal, Denver is 16-5, and Karl has been able to eat solid food once again…Deposed Tennessee quarterback Vince Young is suing a pair of Texas men who trademarked “VY” and “INVINCEABLE” the day after Texas won the ’06 Rose Bowl. Seems Young can’t get some endorsement deals because those names aren’t available. Don’t worry, Vince, you can still use “HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT” and “VASTLY OVERRATED.”…espn’s decision to send Stephen Naismith (because he thinks he invented basketball) to interview Terrell Owens was a joke. The softball questions he lobbed were predictable, and worse, he hung colleague Ed Werder out to dry by letting Me-O trash the reporter. In its never-ending quest to create drama, the network has now decided to pit its own staff against each other. The big winner is Owens, who gets to whitewash his team-rending behavior.
* * *
YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? The Sixers made Mo Cheeks the scapegoat for their slow start, common practice in the NBA these days. While there is a question about whether Cheeks is a top-shelf professional hoops coach, the team’s early problems are more of a personnel than a tactical nature. The decision by previous GM Billy King to lavish a six-year, $60 million contract on moody one-dimensional center Samuel Dalembert was highly questionable, as was new boss Ed Stefanski’s off-season move to ink Andre Iguodala to a six-year, $80 million contract, with the highly mistaken assumption that Iguodala could play two guard. That assertion has been disproven (again) this season, and A.I. Jr. has moved to the three, displacing promising second-year man Thaddeus Young from the starting lineup. Worse, the big fish reeled in by the Sixers during the off-season, Elton Brand, struggled to fit into an up-tempo style, forcing the team to slow down and stagnate. Cheeks had a part in the mess, since he couldn’t motivate the players to work hard defensively, but this season’s slow start is due more to the team’s roster inadequacies than Cheeks’ shortcomings on the bench. Then again, in the NBA, the coach is the first to go. Sorry, Mo.
* * *
AND ANOTHER THING: Chrysler announced Wednesday that it will shut its doors for a month, one way to deal with stagnating sales and rising costs. The rest of the auto industry is hoping to find a multi-billion dollar bailout under its Christmas tree. Unemployment is at a 26-year high. Consumer confidence is flagging. The investment community has been rocked. And, yet, professional sports roll along as if nothing were the matter. The Majoke League Baseball free-agent market is generating ridiculous contracts, as always. NBC has fewer than 10 30-second ads remaining for the Super Bowl, at a staggering $3 million each, and is showing no signs of offering discounts to get rid of the remaining inventory. Luxury boxes continue to be filled in NFL stadiums, and Citi, which was ravaged by the financial crisis earlier this year, has stayed firm in its pledge to provide $20 million a year for naming rights at the Mets’ new stadium. With so much suffering going on, how is this continuing? Why are fans continuing to plunk down ridiculous amounts of money to watch games? And how can companies that are laying off scads of people justify the purchasing of boxes and club seats? No one wants professional sports to start folding teams or ceasing operations, like the Arena Football League is doing in ’09, but the excesses have to end. Teams need to cut costs and stop treating fans like ATMs. And fans have to stop supporting clubs that continue to raise prices and lavish ridiculous salaries on players. At some point, the madness has to stop. Doesn’t it?
* * *
ONE MORE FOR THE ROAD: El Hombre wishes all of his loyal readers a happy holiday season and hopes your new year is filled with prosperity and joy. And no more drama-queen wide receivers. Or BCS drivel. Or “Manny being Manny” stories. Or rehabilitations of Generalissimo Knight’s reputation. Or…See you in ’09!
-EH-
Back in 1901, when the organizers of the annual Rose Parade decided to supplement their cavalcade of flowers and toilet paper with some gridiron action, it’s almost certain their ultimate goal was to create a menagerie of 34 post-season games designed to reward even the most mediocre performances (Notre Dame) and provide trips to garden-spot destinations like Shreveport, Mobile and Detroit.
Better still, the run-up to that first Rose Bowl – won by a mighty Michigan Point-a-Minute outfit over a Stanford 11 so hapless it waved the white flag after three quarters – included much debate over the best way to choose the best team in the land. After several toddies and blind tosses at a dart board, the Rose honchos determined that combining the best elements of figure skating, boxing and the Chess Club would be an appropriate method. Either that or Russian roulette.
More than 100 years later, the bowl tradition established back in Pasadena is thriving. Some might say it’s completely out of control, given the fact that new “classics” are sprouting faster than hair on John Goodman’s back. Take this year’s kickoff, Saturday’s EagleBank Bowl in Washington D.C. Now there’s a reward for a great season. At halftime of the game, one lucky fan will receive a government bailout, while players spent the days leading up to the contest playing the new Capitol Hill virtual reality game: D.C. Lobbyist. The week’s only problem arose at the kickoff luncheon, when there wasn’t enough pork to go around, thanks to Congress’ insistence on piling it high on every spending package it created.
While Navy and Wake Forest tee it up in prehistoric RFK Stadium, 66 other teams compete for the right to declare themselves “(Insert Ridiculous Sponsor’s Name Here) Bowl Champions.” Ah, the color and the pageantry. The bowl season’s comin’ at ya, and El Hombre has your preview right here.
No Justice: Heavy C and the boys staggered home with a humiliating home loss to Syracuse and a wipeout in SoCal in which the Pacifist Irish didn’t manage a first down until the end of the third quarter. Their reward? A trip to Hawaii, of course. Charlie Weis will bring his unique brand of arrogance and sideline inadequacy back to South Bend for another season, great news for those who want to see Notre Dame out of the national title picture, but not so fine for the ND players, whose poor performance against the Orange was “rewarded” with a barrage of snowballs by those classy Irish yahoos, whose behavior made a NASCAR crowd look like the audience at Masterpiece Theater. Enjoy the Big Island, guys, and try to forget you’re one-point underdogs to a Hawaii team that lost by two touchdowns to Utah State.
Sacrificial Lambs: It seems as if the oddsmakers have finally learned their lesson when it comes to Ohio State and BCS games. Unless the Horrible People are playing ND, the best strategy is to make them heavy dogs, even if the opposition is the Green Party. Texas is a 9 ½-point favorite over OSU in the Fiesta Bowl, which is being played Jan. 5 to maximize the number of TV sets tuned away from the game. After watching the Blackeyes absorb shots from Florida and LSU the past two years, Vegas has taken no chances. Besides, after getting snubbed by Myron and the other computer geeks, UT has some serious motivation. Lose, and everybody will say the BCS system was vindicated, which would be tantamount to naming Britney Spears to head the National Endowment for the Arts. So, until you can prove yourself worthy, Ohio State, you’re a bad risk.
That’s Entertainment: Speaking of Vegas, the savants there found the only way to calculate the over-under number on the Oklahoma State-Oregon matchup in the Holiday Bowl was to take Avogadro’s Number and keep multiplying it by itself until the computer screamed, “No Mas!” When it comes to scoring points, these are two of the best around, and considering the Holiday’s history of wacky offensive explosions, the point total in this one could match the number of calories Oprah’s been pile-driving lately. Enjoy the fun and weep for the defensive coordinators.
Long Time, No See: Vanderbilt is playing in its first bowl game since 1982 and hoping to earn its first post-season victory since ’55, when Don Orr and the boys knocked off Auburn. Not that Vandy stormed the post-season gates or anything. After starting the season 5-0 and entertaining fantasies of winning the SEC East, the ‘Dores blew six of their last seven – including decisions to Mississippi State and Duke – with only a triumph over Kentucky’s assuring a bowl berth. The reward? A berth in the Music City Bowl in Nashville, Vandy’s hometown. Baby Steps, guys. Baby steps.
Be Gentle, Connecticut: While Commodore fans are reacquainting themselves with the concept of football in late December, the folks at Buffalo are trying to figure out how to behave at a bowl. The Bulls’ MAC championship completed a dramatic turnaround and secured a spot in the International Bowl, the Bulls’ first-ever post-season invitation. That’s the good news. The bad news is that a team from Buffalo, one of the country’s worst weather spots, actually has to go north to Tronno to play in a bowl. What, was the Eskimo Pie North Pole Bowl filled up? Congratulations to Turner Gill and the Bulls, who will no doubt enjoy the pre-game tour of the Keith Richards Transfusion Center and hope the opposition from Connecticut is not too forceful.
Why? Okay, so every team that plays in a bowl has the right to feel proud, and the schools are free to use the experience to promote their continued ascension in the college football world. But does that give us any reason to watch some of these games? For instance, there is not a remotely compelling reason to tune into the Independence Bowl, which pits Northern Illinois against Louisiana Tech. El Hombre would rather suffer through a “Clean House” marathon than watch that. There have been some dog bowls over the years, but that is in contention for the worst ever.
Then Again…: This just in from the world of computerized ticket scalping: Ducats for the execrable Orange Bowl, matching Cincinnati and Virginia Tech in the homeliest BCS game ever, are going for $1.25. That’s right, a buck-and-a-quarter. That’s all the evidence we need of the Big East and ACC’s irrelevance this season. In all fairness, the seats are in the upper deck’s corner, but come on, now, $1.25? Now, if you tell EH that the Mike Curb Congregation is performing during the famous halftime extravaganza, he’ll bump his bid up to a sawbuck, but that’s the limit.
And the Winner Is…: If you’re looking for a verdict on the BCS “national championship” game, you’ll have to wait until January, when all will be revealed. Sorry, but that’s just how El Hombre rolls.
* * *
EL HOMBRE SEZ: As if the continuing economic news and tsunami of holiday treacle aren’t enough to induce vomiting, consider that yesterday Brett Favre revealed that this might be his last year in the NFL. After the drama he created last year, that statement should be received with a blizzard of rotten fruit and vegetables. When Favre retires again, it should be done with a terse statement and no weepy press conference. And espn must promise to control itself…Think Nuggets coach George Karl doesn’t wake up every day with a huge grin on his face in the wake of the team’s decision to trade Allen I-I-I-I-Iverson to Detroit for Chauncey Billups? Since the deal, Denver is 16-5, and Karl has been able to eat solid food once again…Deposed Tennessee quarterback Vince Young is suing a pair of Texas men who trademarked “VY” and “INVINCEABLE” the day after Texas won the ’06 Rose Bowl. Seems Young can’t get some endorsement deals because those names aren’t available. Don’t worry, Vince, you can still use “HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT” and “VASTLY OVERRATED.”…espn’s decision to send Stephen Naismith (because he thinks he invented basketball) to interview Terrell Owens was a joke. The softball questions he lobbed were predictable, and worse, he hung colleague Ed Werder out to dry by letting Me-O trash the reporter. In its never-ending quest to create drama, the network has now decided to pit its own staff against each other. The big winner is Owens, who gets to whitewash his team-rending behavior.
* * *
YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? The Sixers made Mo Cheeks the scapegoat for their slow start, common practice in the NBA these days. While there is a question about whether Cheeks is a top-shelf professional hoops coach, the team’s early problems are more of a personnel than a tactical nature. The decision by previous GM Billy King to lavish a six-year, $60 million contract on moody one-dimensional center Samuel Dalembert was highly questionable, as was new boss Ed Stefanski’s off-season move to ink Andre Iguodala to a six-year, $80 million contract, with the highly mistaken assumption that Iguodala could play two guard. That assertion has been disproven (again) this season, and A.I. Jr. has moved to the three, displacing promising second-year man Thaddeus Young from the starting lineup. Worse, the big fish reeled in by the Sixers during the off-season, Elton Brand, struggled to fit into an up-tempo style, forcing the team to slow down and stagnate. Cheeks had a part in the mess, since he couldn’t motivate the players to work hard defensively, but this season’s slow start is due more to the team’s roster inadequacies than Cheeks’ shortcomings on the bench. Then again, in the NBA, the coach is the first to go. Sorry, Mo.
* * *
AND ANOTHER THING: Chrysler announced Wednesday that it will shut its doors for a month, one way to deal with stagnating sales and rising costs. The rest of the auto industry is hoping to find a multi-billion dollar bailout under its Christmas tree. Unemployment is at a 26-year high. Consumer confidence is flagging. The investment community has been rocked. And, yet, professional sports roll along as if nothing were the matter. The Majoke League Baseball free-agent market is generating ridiculous contracts, as always. NBC has fewer than 10 30-second ads remaining for the Super Bowl, at a staggering $3 million each, and is showing no signs of offering discounts to get rid of the remaining inventory. Luxury boxes continue to be filled in NFL stadiums, and Citi, which was ravaged by the financial crisis earlier this year, has stayed firm in its pledge to provide $20 million a year for naming rights at the Mets’ new stadium. With so much suffering going on, how is this continuing? Why are fans continuing to plunk down ridiculous amounts of money to watch games? And how can companies that are laying off scads of people justify the purchasing of boxes and club seats? No one wants professional sports to start folding teams or ceasing operations, like the Arena Football League is doing in ’09, but the excesses have to end. Teams need to cut costs and stop treating fans like ATMs. And fans have to stop supporting clubs that continue to raise prices and lavish ridiculous salaries on players. At some point, the madness has to stop. Doesn’t it?
* * *
ONE MORE FOR THE ROAD: El Hombre wishes all of his loyal readers a happy holiday season and hopes your new year is filled with prosperity and joy. And no more drama-queen wide receivers. Or BCS drivel. Or “Manny being Manny” stories. Or rehabilitations of Generalissimo Knight’s reputation. Or…See you in ’09!
-EH-
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Hoopheads Unite: It's College Basketball Time
EL HOMBRE KNOWS SPORTS
Admit it, hoopheads, no matter how much you love the college game, it’s hard to get too fired up about that North Carolina-Penn contest more than a week before Thanksgiving. It’s football season, and even though the BCS is asinine (its ludicrous quotient is beyond the concept of Paris Hilton as Secretary of State), we’re still focused on the prolate spheroid.
But the games have already started, common sense be damned. So it’s time to gaze into the crystal pumpkin, get a look at the upcoming season and thank the Lord for the mute button whenever Jay Bilas starts to talk.
Pack-ing Up: At the end of each season, fans around the country mourn the losses of players who move on, early or otherwise, and deal with the moves made by coaches from one program to another. Rarely does the departure of someone broadcasting the game get that much attention – or celebration – but CBS’ decision to jettison Billy Packer as the lead analyst on its telecasts was cause for much rejoicing. For more than 30 years, the cranky ACC-loving grouch pursued his big-school agenda on NBC and CBS. He railed against the inclusion of more mid-majors in the tournament, acted petulant when challenged and generally behaved as if he created big-time college basketball. Replacing him with Clark Kellogg was masterstroke and should help make CBS’ insufferable coverage of the sport far less tedious. Now, about Dookie V…
No-K: Now that he’s led the U.S. to Olympic gold and solidified his status among the naïve as a true leader of men, what does Mike Krzyzewski do for an encore? Lose in the second round of the tournament again, of course. Coach K may be working on a book with his daughter about his Beijing success, but the overriding theme had better be “Lithuania ain’t got nothing on LeBron and Kobe.” We’ll hear all season about how great an educator and motivator Krzyzewski is, and his team will be ranked artificially high, but come tourney time his undersized group of jump shooters will lose to a more athletic team early on. Meanwhile, not a word will be written about his ref-baiting or profanity laced practice tirades. Enjoy the Final Four from the stands – again.
DON’T DO IT! Mr. Personality gets even more air time this season, thanks to espn’s decision to use him in the studio and as a color analyst. It’s all part of Generalissimo Knight’s master plan to convince some school that his special brand of insight and earthy charm would be perfect to fix its on-court ills. But buyers beware. Knight may seem like he has mellowed while Rece Davis fawns over him and Digger Phelps does everything possible to avoid getting punched in the mouth, but the man hasn’t changed a bit. If a school president is dumb enough to hire him, Knight will bring the same boorish act to campus, complete with his browbeating practice style and arrogant treatment of anyone who dares question him. The best penance Knight can do for a career of abusive behavior can be to spend his remaining years as part of the same media he ridiculed for so long.
St. Patty: If you live in the Eastern or Central time zones, it can be tough to stay up long enough to catch those WCC tilts at midnight. But if you get the chance to watch St. Mary’s play this year, it would be worth a couple Vivarin and a sleepy day on the job to tune in, if only to watch 6-0 point man Patrick Mills. All the Aussie did during the Olympics was light up the U.S. for 20 in the quarterfinals and force Chris Paul to find an extra gear to guard him. Mills isn’t perfect, because his shot needs work, but anybody who can force the NBA’s best to step it up deserves your attention. Other mid-major gems worth seeing: Illinois State guard Osiris Eldridge, Louisiana Tech center Magnum Rolle, Cleveland State forward J’Nathan Bullock, UTEP guard Stefon Jackson and Western Michigan’s David Kool, among many others.
Psycho T’s Final Stand: There has never been a four-time first-team all-America player, until this year. North Carolina forward Tyler Hansbrough is almost guaranteed to be on everybody’s list of top five players, unless the stress reaction in his shin blossoms into a full-fledged medical nightmare. (It won’t.) Yet about three weeks after Hansbrough’s last hurrah, most likely in the Final Four, we will start hearing just how bad a basketball player he is. No one in the college ranks will commit this heresy; rather, NBA scouts, analysts, GMs and draftniks will proclaim the 6-8 (he’s probably 6-7) power forward unfit for professional ball. Pity. Hansbrough is likely a role player in the Association, but who cares? He will leave Carolina as one of the most accomplished players in that school’s distinguished history and should be lauded for that, not knocked down because his jumper isn’t NBA caliber. If you enjoy college basketball, watch Hansbrough. If you prefer to focus on how everybody does in the NBA, tune in to that Clippers-Grizz tussle.
Long Range Adjustment: Ask Davidson sharpshooter Stephen Curry about the NC2A’s decision to move the three-point line back a foot but don’t expect a dramatic answer. “I noticed when they painted it on the court, because it’s a different color,” he says. “That’s it.” The college trey barrier is now 20 feet, nine inches from the hoop, a change that might cause a 6-10 wanna-be guard to re-think his strategy, but should have no effect at all on the likes of Curry, who wasn’t exactly hanging right on the old line’s edge to begin with. The benefit to the game will come if offenses move more freely inside the arc, making use of the extra room. Then again, since the mid-range game is all but non-existent in college ball, the move might just lower three-point shooting percentages and do little else.
On To Detroit: The college basketball community gets quite a treat this season, since the Final Four will be at Ford Field in Dee-troit. Not to bash the Motor City, since American automobile customers already have that job well in hand, but just having a dome doesn’t make a city a prime candidate to host something like this. There are no restaurants or bars near the stadium, and early-April weather in Michigan is as unpredictable as a teenager’s mood. But once everybody gets inside, the magic starts. So, who will be there? How about Louisville, Texas, North Carolina and Pittsburgh? A UNC-Texas final yields a championship for the Tar Heels, who erase (mostly) the images of last year’s ugly collapse in the national semis.
The rest of the Elite Eight: UCLA, Connecticut, Michigan State, Oklahoma.
* * *
EL HOMBRE SEZ: In a move designed to give fans a break in a tough economy, the NFL announced it was reducing the price of playoff tickets by 10%. Of course, the Raiders are already ahead of Roger Goodell and the boys. By stinking so thoroughly, Oakland guarantees fans won’t have to put out any hard-earned cash for post-season ducats…In the wake of the death of promising Russian hockey star Alexei Cherepanov, heart defects have been found in five other players in the Russian Hockey League. In a related story, no heart has been found in any of the Tronno Maple Laughs…A six-month investigation in Queens uncovered a bookmaking operation that did an estimated $30 million in business on college and pro football games. Detectives placed bets from March through September and would have shut the thing down earlier, but they kept winning…NASCAR president Todd France is none too happy with ABC’s decision to cut away from the last few laps of last week’s left-turn-athon in Phoenix to air “America’s Funniest Home Videos.” Trouble is, fans aren’t too upset, since they thought the show was actual footage of what was going on in the infield during the race…Mets third baseman David Wright expects his team to make “significant” moves during the off-season, with the goal of the team’s making it to the last week of the season before choking away its lead in the standings.
* * *
YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? Somewhere, tucked into the bottom of a drawer in Eagles coach Andy Reid’s desk is a picture of team owner Jeffrey Lurie in a compromising pose with a goat. That’s about the only way to explain why Le Grande Orange continues to wear both the coach and GM hats for the team. It is becoming more and more obvious that the Eagles aren’t constructed to play football the way it is played these days. They have no power running game and no way to stop the run consistently. They don’t get a pass rush with just four lineman, and they lack a big-time wide receiver, although DeSean Jackson has potential. When Reid says the team is good enough to win, he is either impugning his coaching ability or showing a crashing lack of objectivity when regarding his roster. If the Eagles miss the post-season for the third time in four years, substantive changes must be made, starting at the top. It may not be time to cut Reid loose completely, especially since he’s owed about $4.2 million in ’09 and ’10. But he needs to lose the personnel responsibilities and concentrate on coaching the team. Of course, the franchise’s bottom line remains fat, no matter what the team does on the field, but that won’t last forever, particularly if the Eagles can’t survive the tough NFC East.
* * *
AND ANOTHER THING: Notre Dame heads into its game against Navy 1-15 in its last 16 tilts against teams with winning records. The Fighting Irish looked impotent in last week’s loss to Boston College. Yet AD Jack Beancounter says Pear Bryant (Thanks to TC from BC) is safe. Funny, but Charlie Weis’ winning percentage of .586 is three-thousandths better than Ty Willingham’s, and his 26 wins are two fewer than Bob Davie had at this point in his tenure. Guess overpowering arrogance counts for something these days. The bigger joke? Even if the Irish end the season 7-5, we will still be subjected to them on New Year’s Day, because the Gator Bowl has all but promised them a berth, thanks to a shaky economy that could limit the travel plans of fans from another school. After the indignity of watching our investment portfolios crumble, we now have to see Heavy C and his underachieving team in the national spotlight. And you think college football doesn’t need an enema?
-EH-
Admit it, hoopheads, no matter how much you love the college game, it’s hard to get too fired up about that North Carolina-Penn contest more than a week before Thanksgiving. It’s football season, and even though the BCS is asinine (its ludicrous quotient is beyond the concept of Paris Hilton as Secretary of State), we’re still focused on the prolate spheroid.
But the games have already started, common sense be damned. So it’s time to gaze into the crystal pumpkin, get a look at the upcoming season and thank the Lord for the mute button whenever Jay Bilas starts to talk.
Pack-ing Up: At the end of each season, fans around the country mourn the losses of players who move on, early or otherwise, and deal with the moves made by coaches from one program to another. Rarely does the departure of someone broadcasting the game get that much attention – or celebration – but CBS’ decision to jettison Billy Packer as the lead analyst on its telecasts was cause for much rejoicing. For more than 30 years, the cranky ACC-loving grouch pursued his big-school agenda on NBC and CBS. He railed against the inclusion of more mid-majors in the tournament, acted petulant when challenged and generally behaved as if he created big-time college basketball. Replacing him with Clark Kellogg was masterstroke and should help make CBS’ insufferable coverage of the sport far less tedious. Now, about Dookie V…
No-K: Now that he’s led the U.S. to Olympic gold and solidified his status among the naïve as a true leader of men, what does Mike Krzyzewski do for an encore? Lose in the second round of the tournament again, of course. Coach K may be working on a book with his daughter about his Beijing success, but the overriding theme had better be “Lithuania ain’t got nothing on LeBron and Kobe.” We’ll hear all season about how great an educator and motivator Krzyzewski is, and his team will be ranked artificially high, but come tourney time his undersized group of jump shooters will lose to a more athletic team early on. Meanwhile, not a word will be written about his ref-baiting or profanity laced practice tirades. Enjoy the Final Four from the stands – again.
DON’T DO IT! Mr. Personality gets even more air time this season, thanks to espn’s decision to use him in the studio and as a color analyst. It’s all part of Generalissimo Knight’s master plan to convince some school that his special brand of insight and earthy charm would be perfect to fix its on-court ills. But buyers beware. Knight may seem like he has mellowed while Rece Davis fawns over him and Digger Phelps does everything possible to avoid getting punched in the mouth, but the man hasn’t changed a bit. If a school president is dumb enough to hire him, Knight will bring the same boorish act to campus, complete with his browbeating practice style and arrogant treatment of anyone who dares question him. The best penance Knight can do for a career of abusive behavior can be to spend his remaining years as part of the same media he ridiculed for so long.
St. Patty: If you live in the Eastern or Central time zones, it can be tough to stay up long enough to catch those WCC tilts at midnight. But if you get the chance to watch St. Mary’s play this year, it would be worth a couple Vivarin and a sleepy day on the job to tune in, if only to watch 6-0 point man Patrick Mills. All the Aussie did during the Olympics was light up the U.S. for 20 in the quarterfinals and force Chris Paul to find an extra gear to guard him. Mills isn’t perfect, because his shot needs work, but anybody who can force the NBA’s best to step it up deserves your attention. Other mid-major gems worth seeing: Illinois State guard Osiris Eldridge, Louisiana Tech center Magnum Rolle, Cleveland State forward J’Nathan Bullock, UTEP guard Stefon Jackson and Western Michigan’s David Kool, among many others.
Psycho T’s Final Stand: There has never been a four-time first-team all-America player, until this year. North Carolina forward Tyler Hansbrough is almost guaranteed to be on everybody’s list of top five players, unless the stress reaction in his shin blossoms into a full-fledged medical nightmare. (It won’t.) Yet about three weeks after Hansbrough’s last hurrah, most likely in the Final Four, we will start hearing just how bad a basketball player he is. No one in the college ranks will commit this heresy; rather, NBA scouts, analysts, GMs and draftniks will proclaim the 6-8 (he’s probably 6-7) power forward unfit for professional ball. Pity. Hansbrough is likely a role player in the Association, but who cares? He will leave Carolina as one of the most accomplished players in that school’s distinguished history and should be lauded for that, not knocked down because his jumper isn’t NBA caliber. If you enjoy college basketball, watch Hansbrough. If you prefer to focus on how everybody does in the NBA, tune in to that Clippers-Grizz tussle.
Long Range Adjustment: Ask Davidson sharpshooter Stephen Curry about the NC2A’s decision to move the three-point line back a foot but don’t expect a dramatic answer. “I noticed when they painted it on the court, because it’s a different color,” he says. “That’s it.” The college trey barrier is now 20 feet, nine inches from the hoop, a change that might cause a 6-10 wanna-be guard to re-think his strategy, but should have no effect at all on the likes of Curry, who wasn’t exactly hanging right on the old line’s edge to begin with. The benefit to the game will come if offenses move more freely inside the arc, making use of the extra room. Then again, since the mid-range game is all but non-existent in college ball, the move might just lower three-point shooting percentages and do little else.
On To Detroit: The college basketball community gets quite a treat this season, since the Final Four will be at Ford Field in Dee-troit. Not to bash the Motor City, since American automobile customers already have that job well in hand, but just having a dome doesn’t make a city a prime candidate to host something like this. There are no restaurants or bars near the stadium, and early-April weather in Michigan is as unpredictable as a teenager’s mood. But once everybody gets inside, the magic starts. So, who will be there? How about Louisville, Texas, North Carolina and Pittsburgh? A UNC-Texas final yields a championship for the Tar Heels, who erase (mostly) the images of last year’s ugly collapse in the national semis.
The rest of the Elite Eight: UCLA, Connecticut, Michigan State, Oklahoma.
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EL HOMBRE SEZ: In a move designed to give fans a break in a tough economy, the NFL announced it was reducing the price of playoff tickets by 10%. Of course, the Raiders are already ahead of Roger Goodell and the boys. By stinking so thoroughly, Oakland guarantees fans won’t have to put out any hard-earned cash for post-season ducats…In the wake of the death of promising Russian hockey star Alexei Cherepanov, heart defects have been found in five other players in the Russian Hockey League. In a related story, no heart has been found in any of the Tronno Maple Laughs…A six-month investigation in Queens uncovered a bookmaking operation that did an estimated $30 million in business on college and pro football games. Detectives placed bets from March through September and would have shut the thing down earlier, but they kept winning…NASCAR president Todd France is none too happy with ABC’s decision to cut away from the last few laps of last week’s left-turn-athon in Phoenix to air “America’s Funniest Home Videos.” Trouble is, fans aren’t too upset, since they thought the show was actual footage of what was going on in the infield during the race…Mets third baseman David Wright expects his team to make “significant” moves during the off-season, with the goal of the team’s making it to the last week of the season before choking away its lead in the standings.
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YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? Somewhere, tucked into the bottom of a drawer in Eagles coach Andy Reid’s desk is a picture of team owner Jeffrey Lurie in a compromising pose with a goat. That’s about the only way to explain why Le Grande Orange continues to wear both the coach and GM hats for the team. It is becoming more and more obvious that the Eagles aren’t constructed to play football the way it is played these days. They have no power running game and no way to stop the run consistently. They don’t get a pass rush with just four lineman, and they lack a big-time wide receiver, although DeSean Jackson has potential. When Reid says the team is good enough to win, he is either impugning his coaching ability or showing a crashing lack of objectivity when regarding his roster. If the Eagles miss the post-season for the third time in four years, substantive changes must be made, starting at the top. It may not be time to cut Reid loose completely, especially since he’s owed about $4.2 million in ’09 and ’10. But he needs to lose the personnel responsibilities and concentrate on coaching the team. Of course, the franchise’s bottom line remains fat, no matter what the team does on the field, but that won’t last forever, particularly if the Eagles can’t survive the tough NFC East.
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AND ANOTHER THING: Notre Dame heads into its game against Navy 1-15 in its last 16 tilts against teams with winning records. The Fighting Irish looked impotent in last week’s loss to Boston College. Yet AD Jack Beancounter says Pear Bryant (Thanks to TC from BC) is safe. Funny, but Charlie Weis’ winning percentage of .586 is three-thousandths better than Ty Willingham’s, and his 26 wins are two fewer than Bob Davie had at this point in his tenure. Guess overpowering arrogance counts for something these days. The bigger joke? Even if the Irish end the season 7-5, we will still be subjected to them on New Year’s Day, because the Gator Bowl has all but promised them a berth, thanks to a shaky economy that could limit the travel plans of fans from another school. After the indignity of watching our investment portfolios crumble, we now have to see Heavy C and his underachieving team in the national spotlight. And you think college football doesn’t need an enema?
-EH-
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